andghosts
Bluelighter
For a certain creative writing class I was asked to formulate a sketch of myself. The below is my analysis of that sketch and illustrates common characteristics of the addict (I chose to focus on alcoholism, since at the time, it was the substance I struggled most with) and addict behaviour from a psychological stand-point. Thought it would be helpful to share, should others recognise a part that coincides with their own behaviour:
The presence of an inferiority complex is evident and although she nourishes a grandiose image of herself, self-loathing remains her deepest conviction. Her perceptual balance is constantly shifting between extremes, in spite of the fact that she often holds a low opinion of herself and of her abilities despite her numerous achievements. She tirelessly strives to meet the highest standard of performance possible and as a result she often finds herself entrapped within a self-defeating cycle of fear and dissatisfaction when she fails to meet her unrealistic expectations.
By nature she is an anxious woman, easily upset when things go wrong and inclined to worry unnecessarily about what may or may not happen. At time her anxieties become exaggerated or irrational, it is possible that she drinks to combat such episodes. Her temperament appears to be characteristically pessimistic, indecisive and impulsive and she seems to simultaneously be both disappointed and fascinated with her existence.
She is mindful of her lack of healthy coping mechanisms but is wary of the alternatives. As a result her incapacity to find a solution to her problems she is beset by an immense amount of guilt, that which causes her to take on self-abasing behaviours, regardless of whether or not her behaviour is reprehensible. She displays an inability to endure any uncomfortable circumstance or feeling, demanding instant gratification should they arise. In turn, she continues to manage such feelings with the only coping mechanisms she possesses. Freudians would argue that she is fixated at the oral stage.
She often dwells on her shortcomings and frequently attempts to deviate her mind from rumination through various means of distraction. More often than not she becomes immersed with the minute details of the task at hand which may overtly manifest as rigid and obsessive behaviours. As a result she recurrently procrastinates in fear of becoming consumed by the task and in fear of the possibility she may not live up to her unreasonable expectations. Her subconscious strives to alleviate the emergence of forthcoming anxiety through rationalisation of her behaviours. She turns to alcohol regardless.
She continues to exhibit a desperate fear of abandonment; a dread overpowering enough to interfere with most if not all of her relationships. It proceeds to disrupt formation of her identity and in turn her ability to relate with others. In stage five of Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development adolescents maintain the objective to develop a core sense of individuality in order to progress to the following stage. When one fails to establish an idea of who they are, where they fit or what they desire from life - such as demonstrated in the present case, their development is delayed and the individual experiences a great deal of anxiety. As a result of this failure to form an identity she occasionally experiences dissociative episodes in which feelings of depersonalisation are present.
She yearns to be loved and cared for but is terrified of the possibility of being rejected. She satisfies this desire by creating superficial relationships with unattainable men, in which she retains the control. Power in this nature acts as a shield to protect her from the terror abandonment brings and in turn the feeling of emptiness that accompanies her looming isolation. Furthermore she is granted the ability to merge with another to temporarily create an identity without the fear of being engulfed and losing the individuality she originally sought out to find. Her self-esteem gives the impression of being directly related to maintaining a relationship with someone who she feels desires her.
In reference to the object relations theory by Otto Kernberg, she ultimately becomes trapped in a labyrinth of inconsistent images, unable to form a predictable and constant sense of herself and her world. Therefore she is unable to establish a healthy object constancy that she can use to soothe herself in times of panic and at length often resorts to validation from men and the comfort of alcohol to quell unacceptable emotions, despite knowing it will only add to her sorrow. She displays hopelessness and a rather gloomy outlook on life. She can only see one way out but, is paralysed by her relentless ambivalence.
The presence of an inferiority complex is evident and although she nourishes a grandiose image of herself, self-loathing remains her deepest conviction. Her perceptual balance is constantly shifting between extremes, in spite of the fact that she often holds a low opinion of herself and of her abilities despite her numerous achievements. She tirelessly strives to meet the highest standard of performance possible and as a result she often finds herself entrapped within a self-defeating cycle of fear and dissatisfaction when she fails to meet her unrealistic expectations.
By nature she is an anxious woman, easily upset when things go wrong and inclined to worry unnecessarily about what may or may not happen. At time her anxieties become exaggerated or irrational, it is possible that she drinks to combat such episodes. Her temperament appears to be characteristically pessimistic, indecisive and impulsive and she seems to simultaneously be both disappointed and fascinated with her existence.
She is mindful of her lack of healthy coping mechanisms but is wary of the alternatives. As a result her incapacity to find a solution to her problems she is beset by an immense amount of guilt, that which causes her to take on self-abasing behaviours, regardless of whether or not her behaviour is reprehensible. She displays an inability to endure any uncomfortable circumstance or feeling, demanding instant gratification should they arise. In turn, she continues to manage such feelings with the only coping mechanisms she possesses. Freudians would argue that she is fixated at the oral stage.
She often dwells on her shortcomings and frequently attempts to deviate her mind from rumination through various means of distraction. More often than not she becomes immersed with the minute details of the task at hand which may overtly manifest as rigid and obsessive behaviours. As a result she recurrently procrastinates in fear of becoming consumed by the task and in fear of the possibility she may not live up to her unreasonable expectations. Her subconscious strives to alleviate the emergence of forthcoming anxiety through rationalisation of her behaviours. She turns to alcohol regardless.
She continues to exhibit a desperate fear of abandonment; a dread overpowering enough to interfere with most if not all of her relationships. It proceeds to disrupt formation of her identity and in turn her ability to relate with others. In stage five of Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development adolescents maintain the objective to develop a core sense of individuality in order to progress to the following stage. When one fails to establish an idea of who they are, where they fit or what they desire from life - such as demonstrated in the present case, their development is delayed and the individual experiences a great deal of anxiety. As a result of this failure to form an identity she occasionally experiences dissociative episodes in which feelings of depersonalisation are present.
She yearns to be loved and cared for but is terrified of the possibility of being rejected. She satisfies this desire by creating superficial relationships with unattainable men, in which she retains the control. Power in this nature acts as a shield to protect her from the terror abandonment brings and in turn the feeling of emptiness that accompanies her looming isolation. Furthermore she is granted the ability to merge with another to temporarily create an identity without the fear of being engulfed and losing the individuality she originally sought out to find. Her self-esteem gives the impression of being directly related to maintaining a relationship with someone who she feels desires her.
In reference to the object relations theory by Otto Kernberg, she ultimately becomes trapped in a labyrinth of inconsistent images, unable to form a predictable and constant sense of herself and her world. Therefore she is unable to establish a healthy object constancy that she can use to soothe herself in times of panic and at length often resorts to validation from men and the comfort of alcohol to quell unacceptable emotions, despite knowing it will only add to her sorrow. She displays hopelessness and a rather gloomy outlook on life. She can only see one way out but, is paralysed by her relentless ambivalence.
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