Edit: I completely missed that this is from 2020. I really thought it was recent for some reason... I hope OP has found success and now has over a year free from dependence and addiction. Sorry to bump an old thread when OP probably won't ever see it
First of all; I hope your are continuing to find success in every new moment of your current journey to sobriety and freedom from addiction. Every minute and hour you can go without consuming your DOC, is another success to add in the books. Many people who have not dove into the depths of substance abuse will not adequately empathize with the very real struggle you're having right now. However, I do.. and I'm with you on it. The light at the end of the tunnel will eventually show itself and once you're able to bask in its warmth, you will have gained a strength in character that normal people never develop. You will have gone to war with yourself, and come out victorious. That said, the war itself is grueling, relentless, tiresome and all consuming. Here are some recommendations, advice to use both on your own and if you go to a treatment center:
- I highly recommend you hop onto the 24/7 Zoom NA meetings and seek companionship with the good people in these groups. I have found them to be of great help and comfort personally. (I especially like the anonymity factor of them). I always recommend NA because it isn't about your drug of choice, its about the condition of addiction (which every single person has, be it in a form society deems acceptable or one deemed "unacceptable")
- Get the book
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. by Dr. Gabor Maté. It has provided the illumination many of my students and peers needed in their lives. All his other works and discussions are fantastic as well.
- The only way for those who have zero self control to quit is usually with a medically assisted cold turkey. Supervision, Medicinal support and a new (and helpful) environment can greatly decrease suffering and increase success. The best way to quit however, is the same path you journeyed to your current position: Taper down over the next 3/6/9 months. (Self control I assume you have since you "don't stop" when you set your mind to something). This is why methadone and Suboxone are well supported, as they allow a taper but in a clinically controlled manner. (Unfortunately many clinics have no desire to taper their patients and simply keep them on indefinitely).
- Herbal supplementation. I'm sure you can find many sources of information on this. Many assume simple herbs won't help when contrasted with the potency of their DOC. But when used as part of a healthy lifestyle routine, they can provide compounding relief for withdrawals and post withdrawals. I recommend all adaptogenic herbs and mushrooms as something everyone should consume on a regular basis.
- Lastly, don't underestimate the power of psycho-therapy. Every person can trace back their addictive tendencies to a form of trauma at some point in their life. We use substances for a reason, but we become addicted to them for a whole other reason, whether its is apparent or not. (These factors are some the Dr. Maté has built his career on). Therapy can help us uncover and decipher our internal code and really lock down our reasons for being and realize/change our innate reactions into measured responses. Therapy can range from simple talk therapy/CBT to hypnoses therapy and all the way to the cutting edge of entheogen assisted therapy. Therapy and self work is the key to alleviating ourselves of of being "The Addict".
(not just)Personal opinion:
Unlike NA (and the like) prefers to teach; once and addict is NOT always an addict. Because addiction is a symptom of the dis-ease, not the dis-ease itself. But that's "getting into the weeds" a bit.
All that said, I would like to address your desire top protect society from itself.
I'm not sure what
@Nas47 is on about... But he is correct on one thing; There is no more evil in the poppy plant than there is in the coffee tree or wheat grain. The plant is but merely a natural occurrence, one with strong medicinal value for us, the animals who have evolved on earth with it. It lives in harmony with us, as do all other plants and plant medicines.
Don't get me wrong, evil certainly exists. But only within us. Our individual choice to be either beneficial or to be detrimental. The plant is neither of those and to think so is to project your own shortcomings onto an object, a tool of sorts.
The plant being beneficial or detrimental is purely in our actions, how we choose to use or abuse it. (This goes for so much more than our topic at hand and is unfortunately one of the reasons why our world is sacrificing freedom in exchange for false security/safety)
You chose to use the plant in a detrimental (in your words "evil") way, of which the plant bears no responsibility. You chose to disrespect the power of the plant and its medicinal properties. Thats on you.
By choosing to "raise a shit storm" and deem it the societies burden to bear your lack of respect for yourself and the medicine is to offload the responsibility you have to yourself.
It is not logical or ethical to mandate that society be protected from itself and force others to be barred from access from something, simply because you were incapable of being responsible.
You live in Australia, so I wouldn't expect you to understand the tenets of personal and civil liberty or even value them. After all, the lack of value for these tenants is exactly why Australia is one of the most restrictive places a person can exist outside of the major communist countries. (speaking specifically about your laws and what a person may/may not do or say).
You exemplify the epitome of this "virtue signaling"/"pass the blame"/"you shouldn't be allowed to do that" culture which is rapidly expanding in our world.
To put it plainly; Just because you can't handle your shit doesn't mean it's acceptable for your to try and ruin it for everyone else.
Just because something poses a risk of danger to oneself does not mean society should bar anyone from being able to access/do that thing.
The purpose of life is not to avoid danger and/or death at all costs. A life where one is forced to "do what's right/safe/honorable" is a world where the honor and goodness in our ability to make such choice is stripped away.
One aspect of true liberty and freedom of choice is to be granted permission by society(law/policy) to do that which may endanger oneself. Be that riding a motorcycle (helmet-less as well), smoking a cigarette, watching mainstream media, consuming traditional plant medicines recreationally, skydive, drive a car, do martial arts or play paintball. Heck, drinking alcohol is more dangerous than most "illegal" substances.
A life with no risk is no life at all.
To wrap this up, as I have have gotten a bit rant-y...
The global "war" on drugs (of certain kinds) has created more harm for people than the substances themselves ever could. By 'attempting' to restrict the sacred (unassailable/inviolable) and historical human right to use plant(based) medicines in the pursuit to alter our state of consciousness (in any way), we have created a world full of ignorance, addiction, violence, dangerous and impure black market substances, high rates of incarceration for non-malicious "crimes" and ultimately fueled industrial corporate profit machines on a global scale. ( This is not to say that the WOD is the only factor in theses issues). By stating you want to bar others from accessing your DOC is to perpetuate the values of this self righteous control over the minds of others ('the war on drugs')
The only point you made that I partially agree with you on, is the little sentence where you mention warning labels. Education is the key to encouraging safety and responsible living.
Take cigarettes for example: companies were forced to educate potential users through the use of warning labels about the potential danger one may expose themselves to by using this product. We now have short lessons on the potential danger of using such products in many of our schools world wide. Low and behold, smoking has fallen out of zeitgeist. The same goes for alcoho. Though it being a more potent psychoactive substance, it remains in the zeitgeist and will for the rest of time in all likelihood.
This is the key to saving our society from much suffering. We must educate the people about all of the substances and medicines they may encounter within our society and educate them on what they are, how they work, what their purpose is and the potential dangers they may pose when used or used incorrectly. But this will only work if at the same time we allow people free-market access to all the substances in question, and afford them the freedom to made educated choices for their selves. This automatically promotes a safer economy of substances as well.
That is a life worth living.
(So many people get themselves into trouble, finding themselves deep in a hold because they were simply ignorant about what they were doing. Others of course, dug that hole knowingly, like you).
If we as a society agreed to establish the values as stated above (considering substances), we would find ourselves in a world with less addiction, less incarceration, less substance related death, less trauma, less depression, less crime, less ignorance and more freedom. This is exemplified and proven in several countries who have given access to this innate freedom back to their population and put all the funds now being saved towards education, addiction treatment/therapy and towards making sure those who do use/abuse are able to do so in a safe and clean environment (which lowers incidence of disease and homelessness).
I wish your luck and strength in your journey to filling back in the hole you dug for yourself. You are not alone, as many of us have been there and many are there right now. A mantra that may help: "If it sucks, then you're on the right path".
Remember; This too, shall pass. Once it has, you'll be more the person then you ever were!
Knees in the breeze and the shiny side up.
Cheers, SM
We will speak soon.
