Polydrug Psychological Addiction

[hydrocondor]

As of late (about since August) I have been noticing that if I am not under the influence of a drug. I simply do not like being sober, and I think it is mainly due to boredom. My main drug of choice is tramadol (please no flaming) although when I have extra hydrocodone or oxy, I take that. I also smoke a good amount of weed, take pregabilin (lyrica) about once a week, and occasionally soma. All the pharms started out because of a few blown discs in my back, but they soon escalated into rec use.

Does anyone else experience this? I am pretty sure it is not a matter of a physical addiction, but, if i can, I use the tramadol pretty much daily, since last spring (generally 150-300 mg/day). I don't think its that I like being fucked up or trying to numb emotions, but rather just a way to escape boredom. Obviously, I'd like to avoid getting to the point of a physical addiction, but I think that is where I'm heading...

Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated
-Hydrocondor

 

[Cane2theLeft]

People who are happy don't just get 'bored' all the time without drugs. Most people find activities, hobbies, people etc. that are interesting to them. If things that used to interest you are boring without drugs it sounds like anhedonia, a symptom of depression. Mental problems can manifest in many different ways so even if you don't think your use is self-medicating, it could be and that's what it sounds like to me based on yor post.

I think this is better suited for TDS. Mods- if you you guys would rather send this back this way, feel free.


--->TDS

 

[hydrocondor]

Interesting, tramadol does have snri/ssri effects, maybe it could be working as an antidepressant...

Also, on a different note, for all of you psychologists out there, is there such thing as partial sociopathy/psychopathy? I read a description of the conditions recently, and noticed that I fit many of the qualities, although I'd never admit it to anyone in a non-anonymous setting. I feel that I am usually pretty manipulative, have trouble understanding other people's point of view/emotions, and usually do not feel guilty for my actions. I am very secretive, and would have trouble showing my true self to anyone that I have a relationship with. The only anomaly is that I sometimes pity people, but it is very occasional. I know I can't get a real diagnosis here on bl, but if anyone knows much about sociopaths, I'd love to hear from you.

I don't know if this should be its own thread, sorry if I've put it in the wrong place.

-Hydrocondor

 

[Cane2theLeft]

No, there isn't a "partial" Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis in the DSM.

Drug addicts often exhibit many of the same behaviors as people with APD though... manipulation, lack of concern with how others are affected, lack of guilt, secretiveness, etc.

 

[chompy]

As of late (about since August) I have been noticing that if I am not under the influence of a drug. I simply do not like being sober, and I think it is mainly due to boredom. My main drug of choice is tramadol (please no flaming) although when I have extra hydrocodone or oxy, I take that. I also smoke a good amount of weed, take pregabilin (lyrica) about once a week, and occasionally soma. All the pharms started out because of a few blown discs in my back, but they soon escalated into rec use.

You said it yourself. Boredom. I myself am an alcoholic because I am bored and couldn't figure anything else to do with my free time. TOO much free time.

Pick up a book, take a walk, go vandalize things, just get out of the house and do something instead of reaching for the pill bottle for an escape.

Anti-social Personality Disorder, where do I start? Many of the signs and symptoms that you may have or think you may have are common for many psychiatric disorders. Just because you display a few signs on the list doesn't mean you have APD unless you have a formal diagnosis.

Like Cane2theleft said drug users can exhibit symptoms and traits of certain mental disorders, but do not necessarily have the said disorder. Do not self-diagnose. Being a hypochondriac isn't going to help.

Bottom line: you're just bored with too much free time and too many pills to help you escape.

 

[hydrocondor]

Thanks for the replies.
The only curious thing I wonder about is that I have Exhibited these signs for as long as I can remember. Also, I learned recently that I have synesthesia(sp?) Would that contribute or indicate anything for a mental condition? And I have ADHD, but I'm not on stims anymore because my dad is an ass. I usually feel very paranoid almost all of the time, and love lying, even for no reason.


I don't think I can do therapy, do to my parents worrying/wondering why I am going. Also, I feel like I could never open up and explain all this stuff to a psychiatrist/psychology

-hydrocondor

 

[Cane2theLeft]

If you want a diagnosis, you have to be open with a professional, its as simple as that. There is no way anyone on here can diagnose you. 4 sentences of you describing 'symptoms' are simply not sufficient data to make a diagnosis of a mental health condition let alone that we are just people on a message board and not certified medical professionals.

 

[unsettled]

If you can't stand being sober it's probably more than just boredom, I used to tell myself the same thing, I usually liked to do things on drugs, like you I didn't want to get wasted most of the time, I just needed the mood lift or head change... this can go a couple ways, some people can just occasionally use things, I've learned the hard way I'm not one of those people. I'm guessing you'll be dependent on some of those drugs in the near future if you don't figure out why your taking them.

If you're really concerned go see a psychiatrist and tell them everything you told us, I've used Tramadol for short periods of time before but was never addicted to it, I've heard that wd's from tramadol can be pretty bad so you may want to keep an eye on that.

I am on suboxone though due to opiate addiction. I'm also on Klonopin and Ritalin but they're all prescribed by a psych and I'm slowly coming off the Klonopin, there's a good chance if I had been prescribed an ADHD drug earlier on I could have avoided alot of problems. At least now I have a much better understanding of why I turned to drugs and I'm starting to get some clarity that I didn't have before. If I were you I'd try and figure out why you need all drugs before you REALLY need all the drugs.

It was all fun and games for a long time but the problem for me came after a breakup and a severe depression that turned my "psychological addictions" in to physical addictions. As already mentioned, if you're truly concerned go see a mental health professional, if not at least try to not take any opiates or benzo type drugs daily. not worth it in the long run.

 

[energy_spent]

i'm very similar, actually, i take drugs non-stop because...well, i'd be bored and depressed if i wasn't using. it's scary to think about it really. all i can say is that, at least for me, i couldn't figure out why i used anything i could get my hands on. it took a long time to realize that using because you're bored makes sense when you're used to using, but it's not at the core of your use. i'm not currently addicted to any one drug, but i'm constantly using something, i say i'm addicted to being fucked up. it makes sense that if you're used to using, you're going to be bored if you're not using. i don't do well with sobriety, and i'm trying to figure out exactly why that is, but (at least in my case) the compulsion to use out of boredom didn't start until i already using constantly and heavily enough to feel totally uncomfortable unless i was inebriated.

ugh. it's a process. i love drugs, so much, but i really hate that i need them so much too.

 

[Tina Dopemau5]

I also am not currently physically dependent on any one drug, but I hate being sober and will use just about any substance or combo of substances I can get my hands on. Before I did drugs I had hobbies that I was really into, but now drugs are my hobby. And I'm really into them. I also have been diagnosed with a host of mental conditions, however prior to drug use despite these problems I was semi-functional. Now I'm hopeless.

 

[energy_spent]

I also am not currently physically dependent on any one drug, but I hate being sober and will use just about any substance or combo of substances I can get my hands on. Before I did drugs I had hobbies that I was really into, but now drugs are my hobby. And I'm really into them. I also have been diagnosed with a host of mental conditions, however prior to drug use despite these problems I was semi-functional. Now I'm hopeless.

that is the most accurate summation of my polysubstance addiction i've ever seen. and i feel hopeless, too.
at least you're not alone. i'm right there with you.

 

[hydrocondor]

Cane, I know what you mean, and I'm not asking for professional psychiatric advice, I'd just like to hear from people who may experience the same things. I should see a shrink, I know, but I have so much trouble opening up to people that will actually know who I am (unlike bluelight, where people do not know each others identities). I like being secretive, it's exciting and burns time. I don't think I could explain everything I feel/have done to a doctor face to face, since he would know my identity, and I may see him again (even here, I have to have a few drinks or some other depressants just to be able to open up like this. Also, I would like to avoid being labeled as an addict, since I still want to get drugs, as bad as that sounds.

To Spent:
I don't usually like the "f*cked up" feeling, just a subtle head buzz, this is the case for tramadol, stronger "real" opiates, benzos, weed, and alcohol. I'd say that the only drugs that for me are all-or-nothing are psychedelics. In general, I like to be in control of myself and my state of mind. And I know, a psychiatrist would be the ideal person to question, but since I am still a minor, and have very "disapproving" parents, this will not be possible for a few months.



And Tina, I agree with spent, that is a perfect way to describe my use, if only you had a perfect solution
In regard to the sociopath thing, is it possible that I'm just an asshole? I sure hope not, but I start to wonder...
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to consider my situation and reply.

-Hydrocondor