Poem to Amy G.

[rewiiired]

Poem to Amy G.,
by Rewired
01/11/03,
3:37 AM.

Stop it, Amy,
stop bringing me
back to fear.

You resurrect it all, Amy,
as I try and get over this.
My soul longs for laisser aller,
and I feel release just as
you're tugging me back again,
dragging me down again
and I feel the past again
I see my hells come alive in them
and I loose my Self in this.

I watched his father beat his brothers.
I watched his father beat his sister.
I watched his father take his belt to my best friend
as I hid behind doorways and beneath beds,
mind broken in two, unable to mend.

Now I freeze in the sight of her father.
Now I lock in the presence of her mother.
I burn and grind when I see her brother walk through the door,
and I feel the cold sweat, dry mouth, gritting teeth,
I feel my hands tied as my feet are nailed to the floor.

I've heard and read of fight and flight
in such conditioned moments of the Freeze,
but they left out play dead in the dark light
of the inner fight once one reaches
the eye of the tension.

I seem to live in the past I can't completely see,
a past that is ever-haunting, ever-present to me.
The now is the mask, the veil, the stage where
I 'm able to witnesses resurrections of the dead I vow to bury,
where I always act out my reactions to my confused memories.

Damn my brain's recurring, circling high road:
a skipping record that's etching this deeper.
Damn my brain's automatic low road:
triggering feelings that continually kill me.

Stop it, Amy,
stop this Amygdala,
stop bringing me back to fear I can feel in life
leaving me with the sharp, fragile fragments in dreams.
Stop it, Amy,
stop this Amygdala,
I know you mean well,
but this is fucking
killing me.

 

[Dagny]

That.
Was.
Incredible.

Every once in a while I come to words and click on something you have written, and always I am left a little speechless. And feeling like I've been on some journey that your words lay out in front of me and force me to walk backwards upon. Great writing.

"The now is the mask"

Some days I wish like hell that you weren't so right.

 

[AmorRoark]

I really liked that poem.

I was a little creeped out at first because my name is Amy G.; but once I started reading I really got into it.

but they left out play dead in the dark light
of the inner fight once one reaches
the eye of the tension

^^^ very moving.