PNP with specifically meth and G was a relatively niche thing until maybe 10 years ago where I am from, afaik. Now I know more men who use than who dont, and it changes people, very quickly.
I Stopped using heroin about 4 years ago and used meth daily for about 2 1/2 years(Ive since started using heroin again, meth was way too taxing on my brain, body and spirit......And wallet). In that time I put myself at so much risk of so many seriously life altering things, my mental health declined, just about every relationship with every person suffered. I began to wonder if I was a bad person because I began doing things for meth that I never did for heroin in 15 years. I began escorting and more often than actually doing the job id just rob the clients. I got into many physical fights, got assaulted and nearly killed a few times. I think ive been on meth EVERY SINGLE TIME ive been arrested which is around 10. I had sex with people I wouldnt go near with a 10 ft pole, I cheated on partners, I met absolutely terrible people with no regard for anyone often including themselves. I know 3 people who died from G. 1 G'd out on the road and got hit by a car, one was apparrently drugged with a lot put in her vagina while she was already unconscious, and the other drank 19ml im not sure if that was a suicide, a mental illness induced act of impulse or just not knowing what they were doing. I have over dosed seriously on it thrice. Once I stupidly used a bottle cap to dose and had around 8ml twice maybe 5 hours apart so 16ml in that time, on top of some heroin. I collapsed in the middle of the road. Luckily I hadnt gotten home yet or id be dead. The second time I took 2ml with some valium and the doses I took of both were not unusual for me. I woke up in the centre aisle of a train, with my partner crying over me, the emergency stop put on the train, paramedics around and police outside waiting to search me who had a pocket full of drugs and got charged with. A few weeks ago I was found in a bush and all I remember is coming to with an ambulance pulling up.
Meth has turned some of the smartest, nicest, most rational people ive known into nasty, raving lunatics that live to cause pain and hurt. Brought out serious mental health issues and LIES!!! Most meth users I know are the biggest fucking liars ive ever met and I hate it. Also people who you would never think would end up on the needle do so very quickly. I was tricked by an old friend, I had a rule that I would never give someone their first shot, but he lied and told me he had before and now hes one of the most horrible, addicted, in denial and full of blame people I know and I regretfully gave him his first shot. That is when I realised I can neither shoot up in front of people nor talk about the effects or that I do it because it doesnt take much for people to get curious and unfortunately ive been the catalyst of too many people ending up on the needle. Its not a great thing to be good at but I am THE master of hitting people with shit veins up but I no longer help anyone shoot up, if they cant do it themselves I dont care how bad they wanna fuck themselves up trying, the weight on my conscience is far too heavy and I refuse to take that on anymore.
Ive massively reduced my use of both, ive decided to no longer IV and only ever have 1.5ml of G at a time and def no other downers. Only have sex with my partner and dont do anything I wouldnt do sober. Im honestly shocked im not HIV+ because if I log onto grindr theres not many people I havent fucked within a 50+km range. My partner and I sed to go on grindr specifically to find people to use their drugs and then leave. Meth is just shame in a drug. And it is incredibly hard to imagine a life without meth sex now. I love making love to my partner sober but getting high and having sex with him when nothing goes wrong is fucking incredible and the only ting that beats it is the feeling of true love with no doubts, no lies and full trust and im so fucking lucky to have that. Im also lucky that my partner has given me the chance to change my behaviour because I dont deserve the level of trust and love he gives me after some of the fucked up things ive done but hes still here and I will never allow a drug to fuck with that relationship as long as I live. That man means more to me than everything in life combined and its honestly easy to not fuck up because I know the consequences, I know that if I do fuck up I dont have it in me to lie and my life is basically over and sorry if its insensitive but I may as well and I would just kill myself because that man healed me and directed me away from all the trouble that scene caused. If I let him down or hurt him I couldnt live with myself and I just know in my heart that at this point its basically impossible for me to break any of the boundaries weve set because im much too aware of the misery that would follow.
In saying all that, this week we are getting some meth and G, turning our phones off(no grindr) shutting ourselves in a motel and going to have the best chemsex ever. But that will be the first time in over 3 months that we have done it. I have used the drugs but not PNP. My partner is also older and has health problems and I will not allow him to worsen them by taking drugs.
I once knew a university professor. I met him at a huge gay festival, we shot meth, fucked stayed friends. He was fine, never developed a habit, used recreationally. At that time his partner didnt use at all. Fast forward a few years and his partner lost everything including his mind and his relationship and he was only smoking the meth. Strangely I find that often the IV users have their shit together more than the smokers. I know I go into psychosis quicker when I smoke it. I just cant IV anymore though, I overdo it and I do think oneday ill have a stroke after a shot thats too big.
PNP has taken Australia by storm, EVERYONE does it! Especially wealthy, intelligent businessmen with nice houses and husbands that they cheat on. Its fucking horrible shit, I hate it, I hate what its done to me and ppl I know and love. I hate how its affected my sexual confidence, my sex drive, I hate 99% of the things about it and 1% I enjoy. I can say the rush of some proper good shit that sends tingles over your scalp and have your eyes wobbling like an earthquake, fuck yeah I love that but everything from that point onward is shit and not worth it at all. I will have a ton of benzos after my binge next week.
P.S Yes I had 2 shots of meth today, though they are the only 2 ive had in roughly 3-4 months and I spent most of the time wishing I didnt do it and actually jut ended up using a ton of heroin to basically make myself come down so shut up lol
