Pleasure from surgical removal/cutting?

[Antecessor]

I am fixated on slicing off marks, moles, itchy patches.
On the back of my neck shoulders and head.
I don't usually cut myself, I just book in for appointments with doctor to get the surgery done. I can't feel the pain due to anasthesia but I can 'feel' the piece of skin and meat being sliced around and peeled off, this feels incredibly good, and the spot feels constantly good for weeks after.
I also experience extreme relief from the feelings of annoyance and irritation from the patches of skin that have come to my attention that I don't like.

I also don't like certain hairs and I pull them out when they come to my attention. This also gives me pleasure.


The pleasure in all cases consists mostly in the pleasure of relief, but there is also pleasure in removal and small pleasure in what pain there is.

I can't describe how intense the pleasure is when the surgeons scalpel grazes the muscle layer as he cuts away the fat and skin.

I did once do a removal myself using ice to numb the area but the doctor went off when he saw that I'd removed the area I was booked in for, I was attempting to get him to do a different area instead.

Anyone else experienced this.


It has begun to distress me as the activities are consuming almost all my time and making normal life stuff difficult to do.
If I don't do it, I feel really irritated and can't get the thoughts out of my head until I do perform the actions.

I am on suboxone only, prior I was a opiate addict.

Thank you in advance.

 

[hiphophippy]

Gurochan, check it out.

 

[HoldingIt4AFriend]

I am very sorry to hear that you feel this way, and that it interferes with your everyday life.

I have a few thoughts about your situation.
My first thought is this; there is a chance It -could- be some kind of OCD.
But then you said that you used to be addicted to opiates, and this made me think about something else entirely.

I could be very wrong, these are merely thoughts:

You might get satisfaction out of removing/getting things removed because of the flow of endorphins, that comes with the pain. Even if you cannot feel the pain, there is a chance that they still flow when you get these things done. It can be a quite effective coping mechanism (albeit, not very healthy) for some people (physical pain to block out psychological pain, either by switching the focus from pain on the inside to pain on the outside OR by numbing emotional pain, just like opioids and opiates.

In many cases of psychological problems, it is difficult for a person to realize that something is wrong, or could improve.

I would like to know how long you have had these symptoms?

 

[Antecessor]

I am very sorry to hear that you feel this way, and that it interferes with your everyday life.

I have a few thoughts about your situation.
My first thought is this; there is a chance It -could- be some kind of OCD.
But then you said that you used to be addicted to opiates, and this made me think about something else entirely.

I could be very wrong, these are merely thoughts:

You might get satisfaction out of removing/getting things removed because of the flow of endorphins, that comes with the pain. Even if you cannot feel the pain, there is a chance that they still flow when you get these things done. It can be a quite effective coping mechanism (albeit, not very healthy) for some people (physical pain to block out psychological pain, either by switching the focus from pain on the inside to pain on the outside OR by numbing emotional pain, just like opioids and opiates.

In many cases of psychological problems, it is difficult for a person to realize that something is wrong, or could improve.

I would like to know how long you have had these symptoms?

Since always as far as I remember.
But getting worse over time.
The last year it's getting time consuming and painful, this surgical fixation, and head hair/skin removal.

 

[Antecessor]

It's difficult to describe exactly what is wrong as I don't fully understand nor know the words to communicate what I do know, but I will attempt to communicate the RESULTS and BEHAVIOURS more accurately.

Perhaps somewhere on my back or sides, or shoulders or back of head and neck, there is hair.

I constantly run my hands around, particularly over my neck and two spots on my back, and if I feel a hair I remove it with tweezers through trial and error till I get it.

Certain spots where these hairs sprout back become 'hotspots' where the hair must be immediately removed, any trace of it, if it's under the skin I can or imagine I can feel it, lodged like a splinter, growing and spiking me, I cannot stop thinking about it, and when it is removed, I swap to another spot, with maybe dozens of spots active all at once. My GF helps me remove the hairs.

These areas develop scarring, sores, non healing sores and infections, even cysts, with the hair splinters making it even worse, at any of these stages the skin itself turns on me.

Instead of just the hairs, the skin feels like its not part of me, like it's a cancer or tumour or parasitic growth and I desire it's removal from my body. It will, itch is the best word I can think of, but not correct, it itches constantly I cannot sleep well, or play video games, so on.

I have it removed by a doctor usually soon after. The relief feels so good and I can relax.

However as the skin stretches back over it feels like the bit that's not me comes back, often because of the scarring from the stitching or hairs growing from the scarring.

I start, obsessing?, as to whether the surgical area was large enough and deep enough to remove everything, and it feels like its growing back.

It's so arrrhhhherrrhh that feeling you get and you can feel it in your teeth.

If I don't get to see a doctor soon enough I have done the job myself once, but more often I scratch or poke or inject isopropyl into the top skin layer with needles, especially when it starts feeling like it isn't part of me, or moles.

I hurt it, but the pain feels good, doesn't bother me at all, because it feels like the pain is being caused to something that isn't a part of me, if you can understand that. I burn it with iso on top as well, like the ones on the back of my head right now, or with other chemicals.


I tried talking to my sub doctor about this but he doesn't understand and keeps prescribing me anti itching agents like cortisol cream, or anti biotics. They do nothing.


Things are worsening.

It is no exaggeration when I say that these, behaviours and thoughts, take up 90 percent of my time and direction.

 

[Antecessor]

People stare in the supermarket cause I shop with one hand behind my head with a pair of tweezers going click click click.

I think I'm disturbed or something.


It was never as bad as this even a few years ago, and when I was a kid I barely noticed it.



To little penguin below, yes very much like what you describe, initially, it does feel good to pull the hairs out, very transient but intense.

It's only on my back, back of shoulders, back of head and neck.

It also feels good to remove cause pain to or destroy the tissue that "nags my attention".

 

[littlepenguin]

I have a serious case of trichotillomania. I usually spend anywhere from 2-12 hours per day pulling out hairs and digging my skin into a bloody filthy mess. It is the only thing that makes my mind go blank - a temporary sense of contentment, where I don't think about ANYTHING except for getting that hair out. The reward felt when getting a particularly nasty deep hair is unmatched by, well...anything I can think of. It is the only time I have a clear thought of any sense it seems sometimes. I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time. When I don't have sleeves on, people will ask me what's wrong, or suggest ways they think I can "clear up that bad rash..." I wonder what the hell they would think if they saw my torso. My stomach and upper thighs look like something similar to a Karposis Sarcoma, it's really bad. I am constantly buying expensive lotions to try and heal things, but it doesn't seem to work, especially when the spots get picked over endlessly. It is a condition that I would not wish upon anyone. Try explaining that to somebody you're having sexual relations with...HA!

Anyhoo, it sounds like a mixture of a few things. Possible OCD, BDD (body dysmorphic disorder), trichotillomania, self-mutilation. Possible reasons and linked diseases for the afformentioned: anorexia, bulimia, PTSD, anxiety disorder, emotional trauma, bullying, depression, schizophrenia, anemia, drugs (both prescription and non), or even genetics.

 

[Noodle]

SLR > TDS

This thread may be better served there.

 

[effie]

Hi there, welcome to TDS!

We have a self-harm megathread stickied in pink at the top of the forum, and a thread on trichotillomania here but I'm not going to merge them as your post encompasses both and much more - I think it would do best as a stand alone thread.

I'm sorry I don't have time to write a proper reply now, just heading out - but I am sure you can find some help and support here.

 

[Antecessor]

Thanks for the replys, I just want to say that I don't consider myself to be self harming in that sense of the word, even though I do stuff that harms myself, that's never my aim, that's just the result.

I don't wish to harm myself, I just want to harm what I feel to be, umm intrusions to my body.

Not sure how others view this though.