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please tell me this wll end
- Thread starter theartofwar
- Start date
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Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,757
TAOW do you think you were drugged though? What I'm kinda curious about is that your spelling/organization is not what it typically is on here. You usually type very clear/coherent sentences and I'm assuming you were given some type of long term sedative by what you've described/how you're acting.
Thats fucking bs bro. We can take this off BL but if you EVER need someone to come up there and help you find the pos that did this to you I will not hesistate for a second. People like that should not be walking the face of the earth and I think you'd definitely get the lighter hand in court. Although I shouldn't really be promoting violence on here. I too can't figure out what type of person would do that. The person who molested me however was already a known pedophile I was just too young to realize it at the time. Luckily the piece of shit died in prison where he belonged. Karma does come back around to most of these mfkrs trust me. Because if he still on the streets my 4 brothers would have took a bat to his head. Thats actually how I found out he was incarcerated when they went to his parents house ready to wreak havoc, the parents diffused it though.
Anyway bro don't think the only friends you have are on BL. Lets not forget we are all real people and most people in general hate to see other humans suffer. You could find plenty of people to help you if you were comfortable/humble enough to admit it. Or you can do what I did and not talk about it for 6 years and use drugs. I consider talking about it online somewhat venting but definitely not the same as face to face real life help imo.
Keep us update bro and stay well - Bo
Thats fucking bs bro. We can take this off BL but if you EVER need someone to come up there and help you find the pos that did this to you I will not hesistate for a second. People like that should not be walking the face of the earth and I think you'd definitely get the lighter hand in court. Although I shouldn't really be promoting violence on here. I too can't figure out what type of person would do that. The person who molested me however was already a known pedophile I was just too young to realize it at the time. Luckily the piece of shit died in prison where he belonged. Karma does come back around to most of these mfkrs trust me. Because if he still on the streets my 4 brothers would have took a bat to his head. Thats actually how I found out he was incarcerated when they went to his parents house ready to wreak havoc, the parents diffused it though.
Anyway bro don't think the only friends you have are on BL. Lets not forget we are all real people and most people in general hate to see other humans suffer. You could find plenty of people to help you if you were comfortable/humble enough to admit it. Or you can do what I did and not talk about it for 6 years and use drugs. I consider talking about it online somewhat venting but definitely not the same as face to face real life help imo.
Keep us update bro and stay well - Bo
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
You are not disgusting man, please don't think negatively of yourself. Life will continue to improve for you.
I am at least thankful you do not have a memory of it, as I would not want this to further traumatize you. I can only imagine what being conscious + unable to move for 8 hours would have been like.
Looking on the bright side, not having used a condom would have been undoubtedly worse and more anxiety provoking for the having to get tested process.
Even if you do not want to report this to the police - and I do not blame you as most men in your position would likely not report it - I still encourage you to if one day you have built the courage to do so. I would still encourage you to talk about it so that possibly other male victims (as men being raped does happen although it is less frequent) can come forward and even more men can be aware that these travesties do happen.
At least, you have built the courage to talk to us about this. This means something. I can safely say if this had happened to me, I would not be brave enough to talk to anyone about it. I am not sure how it would effect me, but seeing as other trauma has effected me, I am not sure what would be the end result.
Although not all the time, often people who abuse others in a sexual fashion have been abused themselves. This process, which is identified as a defense mechanism first by Anna Freud, is called identification with the aggressor.
Not everyone goes through this; and the people who don't end up to be high functioning, well adapted, and typically, helping and caring people.
The people who do identify with the aggressor (and adopt the role of the aggressor to make sense of being abused on a subconscious level) are often what we would call horrible people, because they adopted a negative role which continues to hurt other people.
"Bad seeds" would be evil people born that way, without being predisposed to that given behavior.
I can agree with you Bojangles; people like this shouldn't be allowed to walk the face of the earth. I will agree with that much.
I offered this information solely so that people can understand what would bring a woman to do this to a man, or why anyone would do anything like this to begin with.
TAoW; you are a good person at heart, and I know you are a naturally peaceful person who couldn't harm a human without a just reason. This is why it is saddening to read your posts here. You are a good person who does not deserve any mistreatment, yet someone mistreated you in the worst way possible.
I am hoping tomorrow will be a more positive day for you. After you get tested, I hope you can share the good news with us.
We are always here to talk if you want to.
Last edited:
kanyeknievel
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2010
- Messages
- 535
edit- nvm i researched my statement and realised it was quite naive to think
Last edited:
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
C_H got it right.
I will never advocate violence except in a direct self-defense situation at which your life is at risk, but your adopted sister certainly wants to kick butt and take names after all of what you have been through. So do others. There is no room on this earth for people who do that level of bad, but I must advise you and others not to take the law into your own hands.
I expect your test results to come back fine and I understand why you do not trust therapists. My best advice is to do the geographical cure. Not all people are bad, and there are a lot of us who are looking after your well-being, sending positivity, friendship, hospitality, love, and light your way. None of us are your professionals. We are your friends.
Hugs to you and Tristan (TAOW's pug puppy, who I know is a true and loyal friend to him as pets are). Even though I don't fully comprehend what exactly happened between you and the 19 y/o woman, I continue to wish you health and healing. You have been through enough. Be courageous and brave. You are an amazing person and a great friend.
I will never advocate violence except in a direct self-defense situation at which your life is at risk, but your adopted sister certainly wants to kick butt and take names after all of what you have been through. So do others. There is no room on this earth for people who do that level of bad, but I must advise you and others not to take the law into your own hands.
I expect your test results to come back fine and I understand why you do not trust therapists. My best advice is to do the geographical cure. Not all people are bad, and there are a lot of us who are looking after your well-being, sending positivity, friendship, hospitality, love, and light your way. None of us are your professionals. We are your friends.
Hugs to you and Tristan (TAOW's pug puppy, who I know is a true and loyal friend to him as pets are). Even though I don't fully comprehend what exactly happened between you and the 19 y/o woman, I continue to wish you health and healing. You have been through enough. Be courageous and brave. You are an amazing person and a great friend.
theartofwar
Bluelighter
Guys,
I have slept on this some and I am trying to accept it all. I am taking xanax 1 mg x 4 a day (RXd) again. It has helped me stay someahat calm. I'm am having so much shame, I am trying, so hard to keep myself together. Just saying thank you BL , it's really hard , some ppl hate on TDS - look im no angel and I've made mistakes , but people have forgiven me. Times like this where I am REALLY hurting badl, needing help, the doors open and I know that I must not be a total dickhead if people are willing to help. Thank you guys, and Posa - you are a great sister. I'm goingto be getting sheened soon, I know it's not the best medicine for this, but I can't do it this anymore,I shake in disgust all the time, my family ... fuck it ... i made the mistake o saying one time what had happened , now I need to keep my mouth shut and just handle it like a man it was my fault to put myself in that situation.
just thank you, so much. SoSO much. I hate being alone.
I have slept on this some and I am trying to accept it all. I am taking xanax 1 mg x 4 a day (RXd) again. It has helped me stay someahat calm. I'm am having so much shame, I am trying, so hard to keep myself together. Just saying thank you BL , it's really hard , some ppl hate on TDS - look im no angel and I've made mistakes , but people have forgiven me. Times like this where I am REALLY hurting badl, needing help, the doors open and I know that I must not be a total dickhead if people are willing to help. Thank you guys, and Posa - you are a great sister. I'm goingto be getting sheened soon, I know it's not the best medicine for this, but I can't do it this anymore,I shake in disgust all the time, my family ... fuck it ... i made the mistake o saying one time what had happened , now I need to keep my mouth shut and just handle it like a man it was my fault to put myself in that situation.
just thank you, so much. SoSO much.
I hate being alone.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
Guys,
I have slept on this some and I am trying to accept it all. I am taking xanax 1 mg x 4 a day (RXd) again. It has helped me stay someahat calm. I'm am having so much shame, I am trying, so hard to keep myself together. Just saying thank you BL , it's really hard , some ppl hate on TDS - look im no angel and I've made mistakes , but people have forgiven me. Times like this where I am REALLY hurting badl, needing help, the doors open and I know that I must not be a total dickhead if people are willing to help. Thank you guys, and Posa - you are a great sister. I'm goingto be getting sheened soon, I know it's not the best medicine for this, but I can't do it this anymore,I shake in disgust all the time, my family ... fuck it ... i made the mistake o saying one time what had happened , now I need to keep my mouth shut and just handle it like a man it was my fault to put myself in that situation.
just thank you, so much. SoSO much.
You don't have to feel ashamed. I am glad to hear you are somewhat calm though - that is good for now.
I hope you realize that it's not your fault.
You can always PM me if you need to.
It isn't important whether or not you choose to tell your parents man - none of this is your fault and you have nothing to feel bad about. You have a wonderful life ahead of you.
theartofwar
Bluelighter
CH you and I are are best friends, you know me. I wll not be brash abou his, one day a a time and I will make sure hings come n aoplogizel
purple_cloud
Bluelight Crew
Guys,
I have slept on this some and I am trying to accept it all. I am taking xanax 1 mg x 4 a day (RXd) again. It has helped me stay someahat calm. I'm am having so much shame, I am trying, so hard to keep myself together. Just saying thank you BL , it's really hard , some ppl hate on TDS - look im no angel and I've made mistakes , but people have forgiven me. Times like this where I am REALLY hurting badl, needing help, the doors open and I know that I must not be a total dickhead if people are willing to help. Thank you guys, and Posa - you are a great sister. I'm goingto be getting sheened soon, I know it's not the best medicine for this, but I can't do it this anymore,I shake in disgust all the time, my family ... fuck it ... i made the mistake o saying one time what had happened , now I need to keep my mouth shut and just handle it like a man it was my fault to put myself in that situation.
just thank you, so much. SoSO much.
Don't worry about people doing any hating in TDS, times like these are what TDS is here for. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the TaoW, you know several ways to get a hold of me, feel free to do so if you want/need to chat for a while. Lots of
and positive thoughts coming your way though, and definitely give little Tristan a kiss on the head from me.
bennyZA
Bluelighter
I'm also a bit confused about what happened. However, details are not important, I know your in shock.
There are some really basic things I learned to help in these situations (i've experience in this field, I'm still a greenlighter, so... am I supposed to announce my qualifications?). As weird as it may sound, keeping yourself warm by wearing sweaters and laying down with blankets can really help. Wear loose clothes to increase blood circulation. Also, when you lay down, keep your legs up. These are based on treatment for acute schock, however in my experience and from the studies I've had to read shock can linger for awhile and it can't hurt to relax yourself.
Try not to not think about it though. Burying it hurts a lot. Talk about what happened with friends. It sucks, but you CANT bury it. However, seeing a therapist (or any stranger) has not been proven to help in your situation
Baths are good, but some studies have proven that showers can make things worse because of their association with "cleanliness" so avoid showers if you can.
I know you're getting twisted hardcore, don't worry about it, its not important right now. Getting over your shock is the most important thing.
Now the hardest thing I can suggest for you is to right down the experience, even if it is a few words at first, before you know it it will be a novella! What this does is move the experience from the emotional side of the brain to the objective/rational side. It is a PTSD technique.
Also, one thing about your using: The only thing I can say is avoid Benzo's. They actually worsen your feelings by knocking down personal defense mechanisms (which do serve a purpose).
Feel free to email me if you want to talk, or anything at all. All the other BL's have been great to me, so I'm totally willing to be supportive and help you out as best I can.
There are some really basic things I learned to help in these situations (i've experience in this field, I'm still a greenlighter, so... am I supposed to announce my qualifications?). As weird as it may sound, keeping yourself warm by wearing sweaters and laying down with blankets can really help. Wear loose clothes to increase blood circulation. Also, when you lay down, keep your legs up. These are based on treatment for acute schock, however in my experience and from the studies I've had to read shock can linger for awhile and it can't hurt to relax yourself.
Try not to not think about it though. Burying it hurts a lot. Talk about what happened with friends. It sucks, but you CANT bury it. However, seeing a therapist (or any stranger) has not been proven to help in your situation
Baths are good, but some studies have proven that showers can make things worse because of their association with "cleanliness" so avoid showers if you can.
I know you're getting twisted hardcore, don't worry about it, its not important right now. Getting over your shock is the most important thing.
Now the hardest thing I can suggest for you is to right down the experience, even if it is a few words at first, before you know it it will be a novella! What this does is move the experience from the emotional side of the brain to the objective/rational side. It is a PTSD technique.
Also, one thing about your using: The only thing I can say is avoid Benzo's. They actually worsen your feelings by knocking down personal defense mechanisms (which do serve a purpose).
Feel free to email me if you want to talk, or anything at all. All the other BL's have been great to me, so I'm totally willing to be supportive and help you out as best I can.
TINK
Bluelighter
TAOW
I am so glad that you are feeling a bit better. I personally dont think your a dick. I think you are lonely and need a friend. If I get a chance I will try and text you today. Everyday is a new day, a new begining, a way to build a brand new future.
Hugs
I am so glad that you are feeling a bit better. I personally dont think your a dick. I think you are lonely and need a friend. If I get a chance I will try and text you today. Everyday is a new day, a new begining, a way to build a brand new future.
Hugs
shahab6
Bluelighter
Im confused, so u think u got raped? Is that it? Maybe u slept with the girl next to u and u don't remember? some people wear bigger condom.
Bojangles69
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2009
- Messages
- 1,757
Yeh well for a man I think its pretty easy to tell if you were raped. And it was the one question I didn't really feel comfortable asking him. If you have pain in your... um, anus, then its very likely imo that an assault took place. If not, then it probably didn't happen. He said he "couldn't move" for 8 hours, and I wasn't sure if that was because he was drugged/hungover or because that was his way of saying he had pain in that certain area.
I don't expect him to be comfortable talking about it, although he did make this thread so again its kind hard to have any real clue whats proper and whats not. Like if someone tells me they think they were raped, first thing I'm gonna do in real life is ask them about 100 questions. Like "do you have pain in x area?", "is it possible that you had merely fell asleep in a room where 2 people were having sex?" etc etc. That never really happened in this thread, hence the confusion. I'm still a bit fuzzy to the details, but as long as he's doing better thats all that really matters. Hang in there TAOW!!
I don't expect him to be comfortable talking about it, although he did make this thread so again its kind hard to have any real clue whats proper and whats not. Like if someone tells me they think they were raped, first thing I'm gonna do in real life is ask them about 100 questions. Like "do you have pain in x area?", "is it possible that you had merely fell asleep in a room where 2 people were having sex?" etc etc. That never really happened in this thread, hence the confusion. I'm still a bit fuzzy to the details, but as long as he's doing better thats all that really matters. Hang in there TAOW!!