Djjapp777
Bluelighter
To all who read this, this is my masterpiece, my Bible, because right now I possess not complete knowledge, but just the knowledge that I need to know, which is the most valuable. I have way too much to say right now, so let me start with a setting.
2:20 am, early Wednesday, November 7, 2001. I sit in my basement typing on my Macintosh Performa 550; it has to be about 10 years old now. About two weeks ago, I bought a 1.3ghz AMD Athlon computer with 256 megs of DDR ram. It broke already. There is our society. I was listening to Paul Van Dyk until the CD began to skip, so now I write to you with the melodies of DJ Taucher, "LIVE @ WEBSTER HALL NYC." Perfect for writing.
Ok... so is this a diary? No.. diairies have multiple entries. This is my confession, and my apology. The last time I rolled was on last Saturday, with 3 friends, and it was quite chill. Once again, it's early Wednesday mroning here, and I am rolling agin... I have to get to school in 6 hours and take two tests. The tests are not what I'm worried about..
To everybody out there, the ravers, married rollers, the groups of friends, the DJs, the composers, the artists, the poets, and to all you good people...
I'm sorry....
I'm sorry to have treated this triple stacked Superman as if it were a cigarette. I'm sorry for those that will have to suffer tommorow due to my wretched company. I'm sorry to my dad which I show no respect, my mom which I show no attention, and projecting myself to my sister as the older fuck-up brother.
As the roll began to hit, I thought negative thoughts, of lonileness and depression. I began to think of my failing studies, my disrespect toward my family, my love for my family, for my friends, for my enemies, and it was pain. Pain I couldn't share with anyone but my stereo.
Now I can say I've done it, I've abused this drug. I hate myself for it and feel low. But at the same time I've raped this chemical MDMA for the first time, like a virgin, the goodness in the drug still comes up, holds my hand, lets my thoughts free, and I can see again. For the first half an hour, I was a lost soul. But I'm back, and with a message.
Don't take this drug because someone tells you to, don't take this drug if someone gives it to you for free, don't take this drug because you are bored. You are just using it for yourown self-satisfaction.
I see tomorow already, as you will if you took my path, my brain dead, grouchy, complete hate for everybody. I will seriosly have to put all my power in restraining myself from telling my science teacher to shut the fuck up. But I am ready for my punishment, as this rehabilitation will provide me with a freedom and new knowledge. This is what MDMA is, if you do not learn anything new, you are not rolling.
At the park the other night, trying to smoke a joint, this guy comes over in big pants.. yes a raver, just coming from DC (Washington). This guy was gone, an empty shell. I hated him for it, another lost soldier.
Everybody promise me that you will remain true to your lives, and not to your pill. The pill can become a little part of your live, but your life cannot become part of the pill.
Now I see myself again, and how I have changed and what I need to change. I'll try to remain more positive for this piece now, just in case any of you do read it as you roll. Now I have assess myself. I am a guy who only wants girl for sex, only to be listened to, and an asshole.. on the outside. Now I am thank ful again, to see the magic in all of my friends, both guy and girl, and how much for granted I take these friendships.
Please, take this moment, silent or not, to think of everybody you care for. Yes, everybody. Amazingly, you can do it, can't you?
Go over each individuals physical outline, and then think of that person's "essence," his/her individuality. Smile, and move on the next love...
.
So the next time you are rolling with your love, give them a hug, look them directly in their eyes, and tell them how much you feel for them. Do that, and the 17 year old boy in his basement will smile.
------------------
"On your planet, 1+1=2; On our planet, 1+1=1." - Ceiba
2:20 am, early Wednesday, November 7, 2001. I sit in my basement typing on my Macintosh Performa 550; it has to be about 10 years old now. About two weeks ago, I bought a 1.3ghz AMD Athlon computer with 256 megs of DDR ram. It broke already. There is our society. I was listening to Paul Van Dyk until the CD began to skip, so now I write to you with the melodies of DJ Taucher, "LIVE @ WEBSTER HALL NYC." Perfect for writing.
Ok... so is this a diary? No.. diairies have multiple entries. This is my confession, and my apology. The last time I rolled was on last Saturday, with 3 friends, and it was quite chill. Once again, it's early Wednesday mroning here, and I am rolling agin... I have to get to school in 6 hours and take two tests. The tests are not what I'm worried about..
To everybody out there, the ravers, married rollers, the groups of friends, the DJs, the composers, the artists, the poets, and to all you good people...
I'm sorry....
I'm sorry to have treated this triple stacked Superman as if it were a cigarette. I'm sorry for those that will have to suffer tommorow due to my wretched company. I'm sorry to my dad which I show no respect, my mom which I show no attention, and projecting myself to my sister as the older fuck-up brother.
As the roll began to hit, I thought negative thoughts, of lonileness and depression. I began to think of my failing studies, my disrespect toward my family, my love for my family, for my friends, for my enemies, and it was pain. Pain I couldn't share with anyone but my stereo.
Now I can say I've done it, I've abused this drug. I hate myself for it and feel low. But at the same time I've raped this chemical MDMA for the first time, like a virgin, the goodness in the drug still comes up, holds my hand, lets my thoughts free, and I can see again. For the first half an hour, I was a lost soul. But I'm back, and with a message.
Don't take this drug because someone tells you to, don't take this drug if someone gives it to you for free, don't take this drug because you are bored. You are just using it for yourown self-satisfaction.
I see tomorow already, as you will if you took my path, my brain dead, grouchy, complete hate for everybody. I will seriosly have to put all my power in restraining myself from telling my science teacher to shut the fuck up. But I am ready for my punishment, as this rehabilitation will provide me with a freedom and new knowledge. This is what MDMA is, if you do not learn anything new, you are not rolling.
At the park the other night, trying to smoke a joint, this guy comes over in big pants.. yes a raver, just coming from DC (Washington). This guy was gone, an empty shell. I hated him for it, another lost soldier.
Everybody promise me that you will remain true to your lives, and not to your pill. The pill can become a little part of your live, but your life cannot become part of the pill.
Now I see myself again, and how I have changed and what I need to change. I'll try to remain more positive for this piece now, just in case any of you do read it as you roll. Now I have assess myself. I am a guy who only wants girl for sex, only to be listened to, and an asshole.. on the outside. Now I am thank ful again, to see the magic in all of my friends, both guy and girl, and how much for granted I take these friendships.
Please, take this moment, silent or not, to think of everybody you care for. Yes, everybody. Amazingly, you can do it, can't you?
.
So the next time you are rolling with your love, give them a hug, look them directly in their eyes, and tell them how much you feel for them. Do that, and the 17 year old boy in his basement will smile.
------------------
"On your planet, 1+1=2; On our planet, 1+1=1." - Ceiba
