your daily dose is neglible
it is hard not to raise the dose. lately i raised it for back pain relief and kinda kept it there for a sec. i have started dropping it again and it kinda sucks, cause:
self-doubt and crippling worry about everything in my life
i was wondering where all that came from.

i mean, i have always had ups and downs. it is natural, right? to a certain extent we have to expect it. but i do notice when things get a little "more" than the usual. imma have to look into that a little more. thanks
Me and SO were just talking about that and i posted this a day or so after we watched a documentary about Indian (east) tea farms. the pesticides were seriously causing issues with the pickers (leaves). it was horrible. this wasn't their only issue but the pesticides is what i was drawn to. i feel deeply for the people and animals but what can i do...? fuck all....
I know I talk about gettin shit tested all the time but ya'll watch; when i get some monies imma test erryfuqinthing around me, heard?
The problem is discipline, I don't have it when it comes to opiates.
Same deal with me and benzos. Most all other demons have been "tamed" (for now).
The mild euphoria is very fleeting
Subtle at best. if i am busy i rarely notice but eventually the time to redose comes. the yawning and watery eyes is my first symptoms. then the depressed feeling and pain returns to "on" and is very noticeable. that's about as far as it goes and wears off in a day or two if i do not redose. honestly... i am scared of withdrawals now. been too many and a few extreme. not saying i will never experience one (full wd) again but keeping my banes within reach but at bay has taken a lot of practice, anguish, "remapping" brain, research, freakin'
work that i am not willing to give up all that easily. it's been hard no doubt. i know i am not the only one who "goes through it" so looking for my kind and freely chatting about any/everything with those who understands is a lot healthier for me than going to church for an example. nothing against church but the plasticity is off putting.
kratom is a dopamine D2 antagonist
gotta look into that one. may answer a coupla questions i have. thanks