• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Please keep Fairnymph in your thoughts and prayers (RIP Ryan)

DarthMom said:
would you like to tell us the charity? i would like to donate.
Click to expand...

Last she updated she said she was trying to think of a charity so I dont think she has one quite yet.

Julia like I said..I can bring you dinners or just spend some time with you if you would like. If you need anything at all Im a short distance away you know that :)
 
It's been a long time since I last peeked through these hallowed halls, and it stings to stumble in on such a horrible tragedy. :(

I'm sorry for your loss and I'll be saying some prayers for you.
 
God I left town for a week and I come back to this. All I can do is offer my deepest condolences and my warmest energy to you, Julia. I had only met Ryan once, but he was a good man. And Julia, I rank you amongst my best of friends. If there is EVER ANYTHING that you need, I will do whatever I can to help.

RIP
 
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I know im just a random stranger on a message board... halfway across the world from you... but know that i do care. I dont know what this means that im saying this and i dont know what you're thinking... but oh god i do care.
 
I've never met you FN, but from what I hear you're a very strong woman. Good luck with the charity
 
The line is too fine with narcotics... I don't know either Julia or Ryan, but I feel sympathy for Julia. I also feel sorry for Ryan, as I felt sorry for myself...I was lucky...It's a tight rope...you all describe the man as brilliant and a person who has done many great things. That is him, and I'm sure to those who were touched, that won't be forgot.
 
FN you have my deepest sympathies. I've always thought a lot of you and have enjoyed all our discussions (despite not agreeing very often) and I hope for the best for you and your family. I'm really sorry to hear this. =(
-aanallein / psychonaut777
 
I never had the pleasure of meeting you Julia or Ryan, but am very sad for your loss. I sincerely hope that all turns out for the best for you and everyone involved.
My heart goes out to you FN.
 
His spririt will always be amongst us...

If I may throw in my .02.

First, Julia, my prayers go out to you, your family, and Ryan’s family; and of course to the sprit of Ryan that will live on forever. Sadly I didn’t have much communication with him though I wish we had been better friends as we did have so much in common and could have spent hours and hour online typing away in that special chemGeek language until the wee-hours on AIM. Knowing he was trying to go straight makes me even more regretful I had not been talking with him, as perhaps I could have been there to offer support, maybe even offering something to make his pain easier (I am not saying I would have sent him any drugs or anything like that, but when my balls were in the vice that was narcotics addiction for a full 7, almost 8 years. Well, I know exactly what he was feeling and have a local friend that is a doctor that specializes in detox, and could have written a prescription had he had no more then a phone call with Ryan that I could have had filled and set off) … this is sad as I, while not returning to bluelight as a moderator or anything, have been trying to get back in contact with some people here … Ryan was one of those I would have wanted to strike up a friendship with.

Secondly, this is kinda eerie as how close this mirrors what happened with the incident I suffered, even scarier is that this occurred almost 4 years TO THE DATE of my overdose … as I read Julia’s account of it I just kept thinking “heym, look what happened to me and I am fine, I recovered, aside from some short-term memory loss, neuropathic pain and anxiety I am fine, surely Ryan can beat this! … then I got to her ‘update’ as to where he is today, and my eyes got a big foggy .. now of course why Ryan decided to take that injection may never be known for sure, an I am sure the reason he overdosed versus the reason I did were NOTHING like each other (I wish not to be public about why I OD’d but if you are a friend and wish to know the details, and don’t already, email me – [email protected]) … it just isn’t fair that he (based on all we know), had an accident (again, my case was different) … given the means the lead me to have overdosed VS this being an accident, regardless of the fact I was a current moderator or had this unsolicited ‘cult following’ back when I overdosed, if you remember how long the thread dealing with my overdose was, I would hope this one is just as long .. It needs to be .. it needs to be for Julia.

Julia, a member of these forums for basically as long as I have been, that was very knowledgeable in all areas of drug use, along with this like her knowledge of relationships and such (lord knows I am not the person to come to for “good relationship advice”) .. Ryan may not have had as large a “footprint” on these boards as I did, but still, this was an accidental overdose (for all we know, I wouldn’t think otherwise for a minute) … I encourage everyone toi post a kind word for Julia, I can’t imagine how hard this is for her!

I remember sitting of physical rehab learning how to walk, eat, speak, etc… a friend printed out like 20 pages from the thread relating to my overdose, and to just see how many people out there had me in their minds, and were sending positive energy and well-wishes… shit, I read all of those replies over and over and cried a number of times – you all owe Julia nothing less! When I came too my parents were there and elated, but sadly Julia wont be there to see her husband open his eyes for the first time. Trust me, the support did so much for me I implore you all to post some kind remarks… what you remember about Ryan, or simply a “hey, I am here for ya Julia” .. it helps, it really does!

It did give me chills how alike our two incidents were … first the unconsciousness, then the aspiration leading to pneumonia, then (what I presume) lead to rhabdomyolysis .. unlike mine it seems there may have been total respiratory apnea instead of only extreme respiratory depression (as was my case) .. once on the bus to the hospital the heart-attacks come (I suffered 2 and a single stroke, one heart attack came as I was still at the house right after the paramedics had me hooked up to the leads, 5 more minutes and I would have been dead before the medics even arrived at my location) … once the heart attack hit me a couple days later at the hospital as did the stroke … but once the first heart attack hit, my lungs totally failed and I was only breathing thanks to being intubated (same with Ryan it seems from reading Julia’s account) … after the lungs; the kidneys and liver went as well … I ended up suffering hypoxia (again, same as Ryan) followed by post-hypoxic encephalopathy (sadly it seems Ryan never got to recover to the point this was an issue) … really, it is almost just like the etiology is the same as what happened with me …

Sadly I didn’t know Ryan as well as I would have liked too, but if he was good enough for Julia then I am sure he was an upstanding guy morally and I have heard from plenty of people, Julia herself that he really knew how to treat his fellow human … of what I did know of him, I was actually only about a few weeks away from contacting him to ask if he would be interested in moderating one of the forums I have on my website. I need not go into further detail about it.

JULIA – Check you email and if it didn’t make it there, your PM’s and I sent you a little something. I am here for you, I always have been (though for awhile we were kinda ‘rocky’ in our standing with each other)

As for the charity you wish to have donations sent to, “PhreeX Industries Inc.” along with “The PhreeX Project” will make a donation (a lawsuit paid off for me which allow me to have some disposable income) … so I vow $500 in Ryan’s name to the charity, preferably, if I may make a suggestion – a charity, or better yet, a rehab center the takes a unique approach to addiction – something where it’s not a facility ran like a prison; but rather a place where those that WANT to get clean (am I wrong or did Ryan, in fact, wish to get clean?) have the resources for them… the detox is aided with medicine (sedatives, perhaps even some type of step-down narcotics program?)

There is a place in Tarzana, CA that has a really good approach (a friend went to it) .. if you are going to suffer EXTREMELY harsh withdrawals they have a doctor on hand that will actually induce “concisions sedation” (my friend was not positive of the exact drugs used but he compared it to what you get when you have your wisdom teeth taken out) … all of course is done under medical supervision and it isn’t 24/7, rather you are put under when it gets far to harsh to handle .. they follow this by a minimum of 3 months (90 days anyway) of extensive counseling, group, one-on-one, etc… it is very expensive though and this could keep some people out – and this would be ideal for not your typical user that really doesn’t want to quit, but instead people that are super intelligent (like Ryan) and may really WANT to get clean … if I had access to such a place I would never have overdosed in the first place … I can find the name I will email it to you.

Again, my prayers are with you Julia.

Ryan will forever walk amongst us. A great soul has not been lost, simply moved to a higher place.

RIP Ryan

//p
 
I don't think there's been a stretch of more than 4 or 5 hours where I haven't thought about you and ached, Julia. Hope you are doing as well as possible.
 
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