PLEASE HELP! very bad acid trip still haunting me months later

[badacidtripphelp]

So this last summer I decided to experiment with some psychedelics after plenty of smoking weed and some experience with minor dissociatives like dxm. My first was a bowl of salvia that wasn't necessarily bad but certainly wasn't pleasant. In the peak of the trip I thought it was being revealed to me by some outside force that my whole life was just a set up of some sort. Anyways it didn't last long and after I came down it didn't bother me too much.
A couple of weeks later I got my hand on some high quality lsd tabs with some friends. I took one and for the first 1-2 hours I had the absolute time of my life just jumping around on a trampoline with friends. After about an hour and a half me and my friend decided to take another tab which I think now may have been a mistake. Then at some point when I was just sitting down thinking to myself for a sec I had a sort of weird flashback to my salvia trip (at least I think it was). From that point on my trip went south. I won't go in to too many details because it would take too long but basically this idea of life being a sort of simulation or something and that we are controlled by some being consumed me. I literally sat on a couch talking to myself about the same things over and over for like 6 hours before I finally snapped out of it. During this time some other people showed up to the cabin we were in and started passing around more weed and alcohol which I stupidly participated in. I felt like these beings were communicating with me through the words of my friends around me. I would have a thought and then i would hear someone say something that was like a response to my thoughts. The tail end of my trip got very dark and scary and I thought everything was fading to darkness and I was dying. Anyways I felt like an idiot after the trip because I realized I had been saying crazy and paranoid shit over and over and thought everyone thought I was crazy, but the trip itself didn't bother me so much.
The real problem started about a week after my trip when I got really high on weed and had the crazy thought that everything was real and these beings had somehow contacted me through my trip. This freaked me the fuck out and I had literally the first bad high of my life and I have smoked LOTS of bud. Since then I have literally been thinking about the trip and the possibility of it being real almost constantly. I will catch pieces of conversations around me or even songs on the radio and names of movies that remind me of it and seem like they are these beings "communicating" with me still somehow. I've developed extreme anxiety and my heart will beat a million miles and hour and I'll break out in cold sweats sometimes when this happens because it scares me so much. I feel like I'm literally going crazy. Deep down I know it was just a trip but I just can't stop thinking about it and seeing "signs". It doesn't help that both my trips had the same revelation and shit. Has anyone else had trips that haunted them like this/has gotten over it? It freaks me out to think it will haunt me for the rest of my life because I literally think about it every day. I haven't spoken to anyone about it out of fear and I don't think that is good either. Thanks for reading all this if you did! Sorry it's so long and I don't think I've managed to fully explain just how traumatic this shit has been for me...

I'd also add that I can't really smoke anymore either because i think it makes me more liable to see these signs and shit and makes me super anxious now. It sucks because I really did love weed. On top of that in worried about becoming an alcoholic because I find myself needing to take shots many nights just to calm down and go to sleep.

Also, I sometimes feel like these memories from the acid trip, or something similar, happened long ago. Almost like the acid messed up it's placement in my memory. Is this common? Because it just makes me more freaked out that it's evidence the shit is real. Sorry for rambling!

 

[Tortuga]

Honestly, you're just being paranoid and putting to much thought into your delusions making you believe them. I once hotboxed my room while parents were home (stupid idea but i didnt get caught) and had delusions that my mother could hear my thoughts and she knew i was high. I was convinced that since she birthed me she was connected to me in some way where she can hear my thiughts due to higher levels of perception... what i've learned is that you cant really believe in anything 100% because you cant know anything 100%. What you think is just what you think, you cant say for sure that its actually the case. If i were you i wouldn't waste anymore time believing in that crap, beings are trying to communicate with you? For what purpose? What happens if you tell em to suck your sack? Try it

 

[Speed King]

^^agree with above poster. So you had a bad trip or acted a little goofy. So what. Return to some real thoughts and forget about the past. It's over. Next time you dose, dose 1 and that's it. In other words, time to snap out of it. Peace.

 

[sekio]

It's a sign that you shouldn't get so fucked up next time. in fact it's probably a sign that your days of getting Fucked Up are over, and you should moderate your use. "Know Your Limit, Play Within It"

Talking to people about these sorts of issues can help a lot though. Just keep telling yourself, it was just a bad trip. Every psychoanut has them, you just have to accept them like any other traumatic event in your life, and move forward without dwelling on it too much. Learn the lesson of how to prevent it from happening next time