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Please help me, I'm going to break down

J

JamesSmith

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2012
Messages
4
My girlfriend was younger when this happened, I don't know what age but she was at a friends house.

I am going to make this short and bullet point what happened.

  • Her friend dares herself to get naked
  • She also dares my girlfriend to watch
  • She then is naked and gets into the same bed as my girlfriend
  • and then wraps her legs around my girlfriend and forces her to do the same
  • she said she felt sick for two weeks after
  • and didn't even eat much for two weeks
I don't know what to do to help.. Twice I've been fingering her and she bursts out crying so I stop and just hug her until she is okay and change the subject. Like I said, this has happened twice and we have just talked about it, I don't know what to do so I've come here to ask you. I need help really soon, if you can tell me what to say to her to make her feel okay or anything, I just need help as well as her.

I promised her not to tell anyone and I'm not going to give out any personal information. If you want to know more, message me on here.
 
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Sounds like nothing serious happened, so that is good. Is that all that has happened? How old is she? It's gonna be OK, and she hasn't done anything wrong. People experiment with their sexuality. All she did was get into bed naked with another girl, correct?
 
^ I think it's more than that. I get the sense she felt taken advantage of, or even sexually abused.
 
Yeah. I don't understand why she would be so upset unless she is very young and still a virgin or something more serious happened.
 
Yeah, there's a lot we don't know about this: What was their age difference? Were they especially close to begin with? Was this other girl in a position of trust/authority? I'm not saying the prurient details are important, but the context is. Though I'm a firm believer in the "duck test" when it comes to evaluating most things--even sexual abuse--the baggage from guilt over sexual experimentation *may* not be qualitatively the same as that from sexual abuse. If I had to pick, this sounds like a case of outright abuse.

Long story short: this is a tough situation, one that you either need to talk out together, or perhaps one that she needs (no offense) professional help for.
 
They were the same age I think, she may have been seven I think.

They were friends but not anymore, she asked to meet up with her the other day but my girlfriend said now.

I am guessing that my girlfriend felt that the friend was trustful.

It still effects how now though which is the thing I get upset about and when we do sexual activities and she cries, it's kind of heart breaking and I blame myself for bringing back those memories to her.
 
This was obviously a traumatic situation that she can't get past on her own. I suggest that she speak to her parents or a school counselor so that they can arrange professional help for her. Professional counseling will help.
 
It seems so LilbabiC.

I am supporting her 100% because I want the best for her, I'd do anything to keep her happy but she won't talk to her parents about it nor a school counselor. She is the only person she trusts and she is scared about what people will think about her even though she did not do it.
 
Well, she spoke to you and that is a start. You need to try and convince her to seek professional help because if not she could carry the shame and guilt of what her friend did to her for the rest of her life. Shame and guilt can cause people to make so many self destructive choices in an attempt to hide the pain. It's possible that her friend was molested and was continuing a cycle that needs to be broken. By getting help she'll be able to forgive herself, her friend and move forward. It wasn't her fault and no one will think any less of her. I was molested from the time I was 6 to 14 by my mother's boyfriend. I refused to get help and even blocked alot of what happend out of my mind. It kept resurfacing and I chose to turn to heroin as a cure when I was 17. Eventually, I sought out counseling and I've been able to move on and rebuild my life.

Please be patient and let her know it wasn't her fault. Above all keep trying to convince her to get help. You could even go with her for support. I also suggest that you speak to a counselor without her. Everything you say to a professional is confidential. Let them know the basic situation (you don't have to give names), basically everything you told BL. A professional will advise you of how you can help her.
 
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LilbabiC said:
Well, she spoke to you and that is a start. You need to try and convince her to seek professional help because if not she could carry the shame and guilt of what her friend did to her for the rest of her life. Shame and guilt can cause people to make so many self destructive choices in an attempt to hide the pain. It's possible that her friend was molested and was continuing a cycle that needs to be broken. By getting help she'll be able to forgive herself, her friend and move forward. It wasn't her fault and no one will think any less of her. I was molested from the time I was 6 to 14 by my mother's boyfriend. I refused to get help and even blocked alot of what happend out of my mind. It kept resurfacing and I chose to turn to heroin as a cure when I was 17. Eventually, I sought out counseling and I've been able to move on and rebuild my life.

Please be patient and let her know it wasn't her fault. Above all keep trying to convince her to get help. You could even go with her for support. I also suggest that you speak to a counselor without her. Everything you say to a professional is confidential. Let them know the basic situation (you don't have to give names), basically everything you told BL. A professional will advise you of how you can help her.
Click to expand...

i give you a lot of credit for being able to put that into words, and take charge to help deal with it.

Respect
 
I think that your girlfriend might benefit from knowing that what she did is not "wrong", or "immoral", or even unusual.
If you can find a way to show her that children often experiment with sexuality, and that to do so is very normal, she might feel better.
It sounds like she feels guilt, and you could help by letting her know that there is nothing to be guilty about.
On the other hand, if she feels taken advantage of, it is harder for you to help - other than by supporting her, as you said you are doing - and professional help may be the only solution.
But in either case, allowing her to explore her feelings - she may not even know exactly what she is feeling - seems like a good thing. Listening with an open mind and without judgment is the best thing you can do for her.
 
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