This post may be a little big because I will try to tell everything that happened. Please read and try to help me if you can. I saw this forum while researching ptsd kind of events after LSD and decided to tell what happened. (sorry for the bad english, I dont want to think too much because just writing about this just scarres me)
So, I'm 17 years old, never took or had took any drug and I was stupid enough to try LSD to "see how it looks like".
I bought them at a darknet market and they were being sold as 2 x 115ug LSD (or something like this). P.s: I can't confirm that it was really LSD.
So, I started the trip by taking the 2 115ug while I was going home. I arrived at home and wasn't feeling anything, so I just turn on my computer and joined my friend's Discord so we could mess around. After a few minutes, I started to feel it and was seeing patterns in the wall. My friend put some "rave" music at the music bot and I started to feel awesome with the music energy flowing through my body. It was awesome for 30~50 minutes until one of my friend's friend joined the server. He was ok but my friend told him I was tripping and he was like "enjoy. this will be the worst 2 hours of your life". After he said that, I felt a bit bad but I remember correctly, nothing super bad happened.
Then, something started to happen. Not more than 10 minutes later I started to see everything normally (no breathing walls, no "typical lsd effects", etc) but I was feeling bad (anxiety, fear..) and the world had this "yellow contrast" (lets call this my "panic mode"). The wall had kinda of a bad demon face and my room had this bad vibe. ~ a lot happened here but the post will get even bigger if I tell, so skipping a little bit... ~ I ran outside and started thinking that the whole world was a lie. That it was like a "reality show". I must have did something because the next thing I remember is that the security of my condominium was attacking me. I fall in the ground and saw the face of a guy (janitor maybe?) turning bad and smiling at me. ~ skipping a little more ~ I was going to the hospital in an ambulance with my mom and a doctor. I though the doctor next to me was the devil and he was like trying to take me to hell like the ambulance was driving to heaven. So I kinda was "judged" by him to see where would I go.
~ a lot happened ~, I arrived home and was a little bit scared for the next few days.
Everything was normal for 4~5 months, until last friday I was going to school in my bus and was thinking about something related to god like "god does the good" but couldn't finish my line of thought like the word didn't want to come. I forced a little bit and finished my thoughts. 3 seconds later I started to have my "panic mode". My heart starting to race as fuck and I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there. I imagined like everything got quiet and I was paranoid with my friend (like he was fake and was mocking me with his "are you ok?"). My heart was following the bus and everytime he stopped or brake abruptly, my heart was like this. And I thought everybody would just look back at me and start staring at me while I died there.
I had to go home after this and since that day (1 week ago), I'm feeling anxiety, sadness and sometimes fear and tired.
Yesterday night, I was in the car trying to relax (with the eyes closed) from the anxiety I feel almost everytime when my mom forgot to change the gear and let the car die (idk how is it in english). Then, I got scarred and opened my eyes. I think I heard a bad song (like slow and bad) and got scarred of my mom who was saying like "what happened" (again, like she was bad and was mocking me). I got "better" kinda quick by telling her to stop talking and just trying to look at the window and breath. I got scarred and almost didn't sleep.
Today, I went to school with the normal anxiety. When I was coming back home, I started to think about bad things (like, if I'm thinking about my friend, I imagine him getting stabbed), and I was like "no, I don't want this to happen" and did that thing in the name of the Father and of the Son... etc (idk how is that in english). Immediately, I got the same panic mode that I previously had in the bus 1 week ago. When I arrived home, I left the bus and the world had the same "yellow color" from before. I was scarred of everything and even the sound of the old gate closing was "bad".
I entered my home, told my mom that I had another attack and started hugging her. I may have imagined like she was hugging me stronger and got the same paranoid that I had with my friend and maybe I suggested my mind that she was looking at me with a bad face (like just a little bit). So I just told her to stay away from me for a few minutes (I didn't scream, just told her). 10 minutes later here I am writing this. I'm not that bad right now but I'm feeling the anxiety, even the sound of cars going fast right next to my room windows is a little bit scarry and give me anxiety, and if I hear a sound of "something dying" I start feeling terrible, with a super bad sensation in my chest.
Sometimes, I also feel like my head/mind and my ears are "full" and there is no space to think. Sometimes the anxiety even start getting better with this sensation (which isn't a super good thing because the sensation is also horrible). I don't really know how to explain that.
(Sometimes I also feel like a sensation next to my hear ear like the sound of something going fast next to it. But idk if thats relevant)
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible living this every day. Please. Think before saying anything. If you are going to say something that is going to make me feel sad (like: 'you are going crazy'), warn first with a bold text. I may not want to hear something bad and start feeling worst and desperate.
So, I'm 17 years old, never took or had took any drug and I was stupid enough to try LSD to "see how it looks like".
I bought them at a darknet market and they were being sold as 2 x 115ug LSD (or something like this). P.s: I can't confirm that it was really LSD.
So, I started the trip by taking the 2 115ug while I was going home. I arrived at home and wasn't feeling anything, so I just turn on my computer and joined my friend's Discord so we could mess around. After a few minutes, I started to feel it and was seeing patterns in the wall. My friend put some "rave" music at the music bot and I started to feel awesome with the music energy flowing through my body. It was awesome for 30~50 minutes until one of my friend's friend joined the server. He was ok but my friend told him I was tripping and he was like "enjoy. this will be the worst 2 hours of your life". After he said that, I felt a bit bad but I remember correctly, nothing super bad happened.
Then, something started to happen. Not more than 10 minutes later I started to see everything normally (no breathing walls, no "typical lsd effects", etc) but I was feeling bad (anxiety, fear..) and the world had this "yellow contrast" (lets call this my "panic mode"). The wall had kinda of a bad demon face and my room had this bad vibe. ~ a lot happened here but the post will get even bigger if I tell, so skipping a little bit... ~ I ran outside and started thinking that the whole world was a lie. That it was like a "reality show". I must have did something because the next thing I remember is that the security of my condominium was attacking me. I fall in the ground and saw the face of a guy (janitor maybe?) turning bad and smiling at me. ~ skipping a little more ~ I was going to the hospital in an ambulance with my mom and a doctor. I though the doctor next to me was the devil and he was like trying to take me to hell like the ambulance was driving to heaven. So I kinda was "judged" by him to see where would I go.
~ a lot happened ~, I arrived home and was a little bit scared for the next few days.
Everything was normal for 4~5 months, until last friday I was going to school in my bus and was thinking about something related to god like "god does the good" but couldn't finish my line of thought like the word didn't want to come. I forced a little bit and finished my thoughts. 3 seconds later I started to have my "panic mode". My heart starting to race as fuck and I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there. I imagined like everything got quiet and I was paranoid with my friend (like he was fake and was mocking me with his "are you ok?"). My heart was following the bus and everytime he stopped or brake abruptly, my heart was like this. And I thought everybody would just look back at me and start staring at me while I died there.
I had to go home after this and since that day (1 week ago), I'm feeling anxiety, sadness and sometimes fear and tired.
Yesterday night, I was in the car trying to relax (with the eyes closed) from the anxiety I feel almost everytime when my mom forgot to change the gear and let the car die (idk how is it in english). Then, I got scarred and opened my eyes. I think I heard a bad song (like slow and bad) and got scarred of my mom who was saying like "what happened" (again, like she was bad and was mocking me). I got "better" kinda quick by telling her to stop talking and just trying to look at the window and breath. I got scarred and almost didn't sleep.
Today, I went to school with the normal anxiety. When I was coming back home, I started to think about bad things (like, if I'm thinking about my friend, I imagine him getting stabbed), and I was like "no, I don't want this to happen" and did that thing in the name of the Father and of the Son... etc (idk how is that in english). Immediately, I got the same panic mode that I previously had in the bus 1 week ago. When I arrived home, I left the bus and the world had the same "yellow color" from before. I was scarred of everything and even the sound of the old gate closing was "bad".
I entered my home, told my mom that I had another attack and started hugging her. I may have imagined like she was hugging me stronger and got the same paranoid that I had with my friend and maybe I suggested my mind that she was looking at me with a bad face (like just a little bit). So I just told her to stay away from me for a few minutes (I didn't scream, just told her). 10 minutes later here I am writing this. I'm not that bad right now but I'm feeling the anxiety, even the sound of cars going fast right next to my room windows is a little bit scarry and give me anxiety, and if I hear a sound of "something dying" I start feeling terrible, with a super bad sensation in my chest.
Sometimes, I also feel like my head/mind and my ears are "full" and there is no space to think. Sometimes the anxiety even start getting better with this sensation (which isn't a super good thing because the sensation is also horrible). I don't really know how to explain that.
(Sometimes I also feel like a sensation next to my hear ear like the sound of something going fast next to it. But idk if thats relevant)
I don't know what to do. I feel terrible living this every day. Please. Think before saying anything. If you are going to say something that is going to make me feel sad (like: 'you are going crazy'), warn first with a bold text. I may not want to hear something bad and start feeling worst and desperate.
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