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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

please help im lost, idk what to do

D

Dr.kush

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2010
Messages
248
Location
Ventura
i had 4 months clean from IV heroin, and everything else. After my third rehab. Then relpased on IV coke after a week of being out. That seems how long i can last cause i relapsed after a week out of my first rehab. So i tried drinking once a week and it worked for a week. Then this week came. On monday i got a bottle. And on monday night i drank a little by myself just to get a lilttle buzz. Then i on tuuesday i got completely hammered. Just puking everywhere. I sobered up enough to go to talk to my therapist that my mom makes me go to. I was buzzing talking to him, acting like i have 6months clean now. Then yesterday i just got high all day smoking weed. I went high to a NA meeting. Acting like im clean. I dont want to tell my sponsor i want to wait til i cant handle it anymore. But i just need to get help but fuck idk. Im doing all the same shit i was doing when slamming H. If my mom knows i relpased she will get worried about me, so i dont want to tell her. Now i just want something to numb this feeling of guilt i have. What should i do? How can control my using? Should i just go all out again and pick up H til i get caught? fuck my mom is going to be so worried about her 16 year old son hes just dying from drugs, but i just want to get away, and just get numb.

I just need to read something from you guys thank you!
 
don't pick up on H bomb man.
I suggest manning up and telling your sponser they are there to help
 
You don't need to start doing heroin again because you have been using other drugs.

Guilt is making you want to use more? Don't feel guilty. You went to rehab, and now you're getting high. That's the reality of the situation, feeling guilty over it isn't changing anything. You can feel some compassion for yourself that you are going through a difficult time.

You have mentioned in a few posts that you want to control your use. I highly recommend reading material by Stanton Peele (http://www.peele.net) for anybody that is trying to moderate. There is also Moderation Management (http://www.moderation.org) which is a program for people to moderate their alcohol consumption.

Take care of yourself :)
 
Dr.Kush i wouldn't go the H if you can help it. Also I get the impression that youre leaning towards getting honest and I truly believe that is the only way this can have a good ending. And I believe it will have one eventually.
 
You are in control of your choices. You are choosing to see the therapist, no one can "make" you go. Of course, they can influence you greatly, but get the picture??

When you are out of rehab, the same scenario exists that got you there -- unless you change that, realize that you are the one driving your car, in control and making choices.

If you are lost, think about this: when you have been found, really found, what did it look like? It might surprise you. Do those things, keep reaching out, keep focused on what you want -- write it down and put it everywhere, your facebook, your mirrors, your walls, your car -- write it down on postit notes, with chalk, pen.

Sometimes authors will use a physical object to "keep them on track" as they make it through a novel. This object reminds them of what they are trying to express and where they want to go with the book -- maybe you can find an object like this and bring it with you, or put pictures of it everywhere in your life?

Sometimes being lost to being found is a simple "realization" of that which we already know -- it was there the whole time, we had to accept it, calm ourselves down to see it, stop being afraid of it, allow it to be expressed, etc.
 
seems like u got an addictive personality and u using because of a underlying problem u might wanna talk your therapist and be honest talking about it and how u feel can really help your sponsors will help too just somebody to talk to ..next time u feel the urge to use instead of using try calling a sponsor if u outta rehab and u haven't done H or coke in a while u shouldn't have no physical addiction right now meaning no withdrawal.. so u should try your hardest to not mess with that and im not gonna tell u to smoke weed.. but thats better then that other harder stuff ..i wish u luck u can do it just be strong u gotta tell your self u gonna do it and really wanna do it.. instead of doing drugs try to do other activity's to keep your mind occupied
 
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