Please Divert Your Eyes [tasty, tasy lies]

[nearjat]

im done finished its over and i promise you can have it back
shatter glass crackin hold back like sunday smack
dont ask me which pill i want i miss my fucking soundtrack
ask me what the sounds lack
rack my brain for contracts
signed with the devil writing off what my life lacks
it mingles with the damned, crammin to get close to her
maybe i should get to work- wiping off this smirk and
spending my nights lurkin- who really got here first man?
well you're a product of your environment so the scene came first
with luck and alignment you'll be wiped clean first like
comfort like a hearse like
asking who's first and
getting the answer cursed
what's worse?
what's worse than lacking even the slightest tip to go on
knowing that despite your best efforts its all just neurons
faith works great til get back your grade
and see that your good works are only worth what you say
worth what we pay? I guess we can pray
for better days and brighter looking ignorant glaze

 

[nearjat]

any crits?

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

i like how your taking on the fast food industry,

 

[nearjat]

Lol are you just fuckin around or is that really what you got out of that? It's more about being stuck, insanity and addiction.

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

these companies are stuck on top, ruling American life, fattening people up, driving down their low self esteem lower into a pit of despair, addicted into these cheap fattening foods, because they can't afford to eat healthily

especially the glaze, from the donuts from crispy cream, or dunkin donuts,

tasty tasty lies?

 

[nearjat]

Haha upon re-reading I see where you're coming from. Similar topic really once you get to the core of it.

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

i could see this as a movie, following two parrellel addictions, one being your DoC, or at least which ewver one this poem is based off of, and another based off a severly obese person, somehow connecting in the end finding at least semi peice from their addictions, maybe even finding love

endless possibilities, like a fat woman, and junkie guy
a fat guy and a junkie woman
a fat guy and a junkie guy
a fat woman and a junkie woman
a fat unkie mna and a fat junkie woman
a fat junkie man and a fat junkie man
a fat junkie woman and a fat junkie woman

cuold throw transvestites into the mix, that might be a sure pulitzer prize winer, if published as a novel

trippy shit man

 

[nearjat]

Haha sounds a lot like Requiem for a dream man XD

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

what is reqiuem for a dream? is that a video game?

 

[nearjat]

Naw it's a movie very similar to what you just described.

 

[WaLL_EG6]

I liked it dude :D

I wish I could write haha I tried once didnt work out to good. I always get writers block and just give up lol

 

[nopipesdfw]

I wish I could write haha I tried once didnt work out to good. I always get writers block and just give up lol

You didn't fail enough times to learn how to permanently flow, then.

 

[Mr_Fluffykins]

requiem for the cream, ? i definately need to further this idea

 

[Mehm]

cool rhymes. one thing i would say is that it is a bit mono-syllabic. maybe more compound rhymes.

thanks for posting this