*** copied from BL journal ***
No cravings today, holy fuck!
This is going to be tough but I HAVE to do it. I've been seeing a lot of people going through exceptionally difficult times lately. Not necessarily drug related problems either. Life just seems to be kicking the shit out of many good people. I'm wondering if I'm noticing this so often because of the difficulty I chose to introduce to my life. It lends validity to the phrase 'water seeks it's own level'.
I'm getting bombarded with all kinds of feelings right about now. Regret, shame, anger, sadness, etc. I need to get myself back on track and healthy again. It seems like a huge effort but, man, I need to find balance and strength and the effort will be worth it.
I'm blessed with people in my life that are so kind, compassionate, caring and patient that I'm dumbfounded. When I was clean before I don't remember being any of these things. Looking back, I think I was cocky and selfish. I wish I wasn't because I was in love at the time and those aren't qualities that should be in a loving relationship (especially when the person you are with is so kind, compassionate and positive).
I wish I could do it it over. Not like go back in time do it over but, perhaps when I learn balance and get back to healthier living, life may give me another chance to do a relationship properly.
Tell ya what, if the next relationship I'm in turns out to be the last I would be pretty happy. This means I'm going to have to be very select.
I don't know why I'm talking about relationships. I need to take care of myself first and that may take awhile. Shit, I've only been off coke for about 7 or 8 days (I really should figure out the exact day I used the shit). Thats not a bad number but it is still WAY early in the process of dealing with my addiction.
Eh, it'll fly by, I'm sure. Before I know it I'll be in a better place mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Until then, I'll just continue staying away from the garbage and negativity.
No cravings today, holy fuck!
This is going to be tough but I HAVE to do it. I've been seeing a lot of people going through exceptionally difficult times lately. Not necessarily drug related problems either. Life just seems to be kicking the shit out of many good people. I'm wondering if I'm noticing this so often because of the difficulty I chose to introduce to my life. It lends validity to the phrase 'water seeks it's own level'.
I'm getting bombarded with all kinds of feelings right about now. Regret, shame, anger, sadness, etc. I need to get myself back on track and healthy again. It seems like a huge effort but, man, I need to find balance and strength and the effort will be worth it.
I'm blessed with people in my life that are so kind, compassionate, caring and patient that I'm dumbfounded. When I was clean before I don't remember being any of these things. Looking back, I think I was cocky and selfish. I wish I wasn't because I was in love at the time and those aren't qualities that should be in a loving relationship (especially when the person you are with is so kind, compassionate and positive).
I wish I could do it it over. Not like go back in time do it over but, perhaps when I learn balance and get back to healthier living, life may give me another chance to do a relationship properly.
Tell ya what, if the next relationship I'm in turns out to be the last I would be pretty happy. This means I'm going to have to be very select.
I don't know why I'm talking about relationships. I need to take care of myself first and that may take awhile. Shit, I've only been off coke for about 7 or 8 days (I really should figure out the exact day I used the shit). Thats not a bad number but it is still WAY early in the process of dealing with my addiction.
Eh, it'll fly by, I'm sure. Before I know it I'll be in a better place mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Until then, I'll just continue staying away from the garbage and negativity.