shishigami
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2011
- Messages
- 890
Playing With Fire
Right now I would say I feel betrayed. That’s probably the best description for this deep dullness that I’m feeling. I called you because I wanted to be your friend. I thought our conversation was going great.
Until you decided to ask me if I’d hooked up with anyone. It’d been just over three weeks since we broke up, the first two weeks of which we decided to be celibate because I wanted you to reconsider and take me back. You promised me you wouldn’t hook up with anyone.
When I told you I’d had sex with someone else I could tell it hurt you. I don’t know why you asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer. It was a conversational topic I had no interest in approaching, but you did. You wanted to know if I had because you had. But I wasn’t thinking of you when we hooked up, we had definitively broken up. You told me you wouldn’t take me back. I was a free man, and you’re free to dislike what I do but not to be mad at me for it.
So then I asked a question I knew the answer to, a question you wanted me to ask you, but one that I really didn’t want to ask. You had hooked up with someone. It stung a bit because I think you can do better but I wasn’t mad; you were free to do what you want. But then you told me you hooked up with him on ASP, during that two week period of celibacy. And I realized that at the end of those two weeks when you called me to tell me you weren’t taking me back and I was crying to myself because I knew you were no longer mine, well you weren’t mine before then.
And then I asked you why. And you told me you already knew you didn’t want to get back together with me and you had no phone reception so you just did it. Fuck that. We dated for a year and you just said fuck it. That hurt. That hurt deep and dull and cold. Just enough to keep me up at night. It’s not sadness; I don’t know what it is. It’s not the sharp pain just after the breakup, the realization that we weren’t right. I think its betrayal.
And then you texted me that you were glad you weren’t with me because I’m just as “scummy as the people always complain about.”
I called you that day because you were texting me that you loved me and missed me and wanted me to come over. I could tell you were hurting so I tried to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire
And how come I’m the asshole scumbag for having sex with someone when we were clearly separated and it’s fine you for to be sucking some guy’s dick a week and a half after we initially broke up when you promised me you would reconsider taking me back.
And how come you steered the conversation to a point where you could tell me all of this?
I just called because I wanted to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire.
I don’t think I can be friends with you ever again. It’s too deep right now, the feelings of betrayal.
I’m sorry.
I just called because I wanted to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire.
Right now I would say I feel betrayed. That’s probably the best description for this deep dullness that I’m feeling. I called you because I wanted to be your friend. I thought our conversation was going great.
Until you decided to ask me if I’d hooked up with anyone. It’d been just over three weeks since we broke up, the first two weeks of which we decided to be celibate because I wanted you to reconsider and take me back. You promised me you wouldn’t hook up with anyone.
When I told you I’d had sex with someone else I could tell it hurt you. I don’t know why you asked if you weren’t prepared to hear the answer. It was a conversational topic I had no interest in approaching, but you did. You wanted to know if I had because you had. But I wasn’t thinking of you when we hooked up, we had definitively broken up. You told me you wouldn’t take me back. I was a free man, and you’re free to dislike what I do but not to be mad at me for it.
So then I asked a question I knew the answer to, a question you wanted me to ask you, but one that I really didn’t want to ask. You had hooked up with someone. It stung a bit because I think you can do better but I wasn’t mad; you were free to do what you want. But then you told me you hooked up with him on ASP, during that two week period of celibacy. And I realized that at the end of those two weeks when you called me to tell me you weren’t taking me back and I was crying to myself because I knew you were no longer mine, well you weren’t mine before then.
And then I asked you why. And you told me you already knew you didn’t want to get back together with me and you had no phone reception so you just did it. Fuck that. We dated for a year and you just said fuck it. That hurt. That hurt deep and dull and cold. Just enough to keep me up at night. It’s not sadness; I don’t know what it is. It’s not the sharp pain just after the breakup, the realization that we weren’t right. I think its betrayal.
And then you texted me that you were glad you weren’t with me because I’m just as “scummy as the people always complain about.”
I called you that day because you were texting me that you loved me and missed me and wanted me to come over. I could tell you were hurting so I tried to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire
And how come I’m the asshole scumbag for having sex with someone when we were clearly separated and it’s fine you for to be sucking some guy’s dick a week and a half after we initially broke up when you promised me you would reconsider taking me back.
And how come you steered the conversation to a point where you could tell me all of this?
I just called because I wanted to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire.
I don’t think I can be friends with you ever again. It’s too deep right now, the feelings of betrayal.
I’m sorry.
I just called because I wanted to be your friend. And you decided to play with fire.
