Addiction is a very powerful thing. There are things that would you never do in your right mind, but once you become a slave to a drug, those things become very reasonable and almost normal. Stealing from loved ones, using people for your benefit, robbing stores, and lots of other things did not come into play in my life until I was physically addicted to heroin. I used to tell myself that I would never even let myself do heroin, but once I became addicted to painkillers and those ran out, heroin seemed like the logical alternative. I thought it was a godsend at first because of how cheap it was and how little I needed to get right. I also told myself that I would never stick a needle in my arm and directly inject the drug because snorting it seemed to work so perfectly. These things went out the window once I became addicted.
Now I believe I last left off where things were starting to get out of control, and addiction was starting to set in. Let me just recap a little bit for anyone who is too lazy to read my previous entries. I smoked weed at the age of 14, got into alcohol and psychedelics at age 16, tried cocaine and painkillers at age 17, and was fully addicted by age 18 or 19.
It started out with the painkillers of course. The first time I got high off them I took two 5mg percocets, melted into my couch, and absolutely fell in love with the feeling of absolute bliss it provided. After that time, I started mixing them with alcohol and weed, and since I was drinking or smoking everyday, they quickly became an everyday thing. A friend of mine who I am going to call Pickle was into pills with me, and he had a solid connection for them and always had them on him so I had lots of access to them. I caught my first “habit,” or addiction, during this time even though I was completely unaware of it. I must have been taking Percocets for a month straight when I lost the funds to do so, and I thought it was strange that I couldn’t fall asleep and felt extremely anxious for a week or two. I combatted those feelings of anxiety by smoking a lot of herb though and got through this first withdrawal process without a hitch.
I stopped doing the pills for a few months after this and had fun with psychedelics, but the psychedelics soon dried up and I was, again, looking for something else to occupy my mind, so what do you think I did? I was hanging out with Pickle nearly everyday so I started hitting him up for pills again. He had never stopped using them, so by now he was doing Oxycontin, Fentanyl, and any heavy painkillers he could get his hands on. Then I moved in with my grandmother, and her son, I’ll call him Scum because that is what he was, pure scum, was living with her. Mind you, Scum is in his 40s and yes, still living with his mother. See, kids, this is what drugs will do to you if you aren’t careful. Well anyway, he has been a heroin junkie since he was in high school, and he was on Methadone. Now, Pickle & I are both developing habits by messing with the pain pills, but our connect for them soon dried up so we started buying Methadone from Scum. This had the words “Bad Decision” written all over it, but did we care? Fuck no, we needed our fix!
I figure I should mention this as well. During this time, I met a girl that I absolutely loved. I’ll call her KB, and she was with me from the beginning of my addiction to the ass end of it. She was the first girl I actually loved, and why she stayed with me for so long is beyond me. I treated her like shit, used her for anything I could get out of her, and I regret everything I did to this poor girl. She meant the world to me, but because of my addiction, I couldn’t show her that. All I could show her was that I was a filthy fucking junkie. So, if you happen to be reading this, I am still sorry for what happened between us. She doesn’t even talk to me anymore, and I can’t say that I don’t deserve it. I just hope that one day she will accept my apology and realize that if I wasn’t plagued by addiction I could have gave her the world. And she damn well deserves it. She’s a great girl and anyone would be lucky to have her. I felt that this was worth mentioning since she was there with me through the (few) good times and the (many) bad. I am truly sorry for everything.
Okay, so where were we? Right! Methadone. So we started buying Methadone from Scum so he could support his dope habit. It wasn’t long before we were full on addicted to that, and it also wasn’t long before he got kicked out of the clinic and guess what we resorted to? I’ll save the rest of this story for my next entry. I have a lot to write about this part of my life in general so it surely deserves an entry to itself.
This is Legz, signing out.
Now I believe I last left off where things were starting to get out of control, and addiction was starting to set in. Let me just recap a little bit for anyone who is too lazy to read my previous entries. I smoked weed at the age of 14, got into alcohol and psychedelics at age 16, tried cocaine and painkillers at age 17, and was fully addicted by age 18 or 19.
It started out with the painkillers of course. The first time I got high off them I took two 5mg percocets, melted into my couch, and absolutely fell in love with the feeling of absolute bliss it provided. After that time, I started mixing them with alcohol and weed, and since I was drinking or smoking everyday, they quickly became an everyday thing. A friend of mine who I am going to call Pickle was into pills with me, and he had a solid connection for them and always had them on him so I had lots of access to them. I caught my first “habit,” or addiction, during this time even though I was completely unaware of it. I must have been taking Percocets for a month straight when I lost the funds to do so, and I thought it was strange that I couldn’t fall asleep and felt extremely anxious for a week or two. I combatted those feelings of anxiety by smoking a lot of herb though and got through this first withdrawal process without a hitch.
I stopped doing the pills for a few months after this and had fun with psychedelics, but the psychedelics soon dried up and I was, again, looking for something else to occupy my mind, so what do you think I did? I was hanging out with Pickle nearly everyday so I started hitting him up for pills again. He had never stopped using them, so by now he was doing Oxycontin, Fentanyl, and any heavy painkillers he could get his hands on. Then I moved in with my grandmother, and her son, I’ll call him Scum because that is what he was, pure scum, was living with her. Mind you, Scum is in his 40s and yes, still living with his mother. See, kids, this is what drugs will do to you if you aren’t careful. Well anyway, he has been a heroin junkie since he was in high school, and he was on Methadone. Now, Pickle & I are both developing habits by messing with the pain pills, but our connect for them soon dried up so we started buying Methadone from Scum. This had the words “Bad Decision” written all over it, but did we care? Fuck no, we needed our fix!
I figure I should mention this as well. During this time, I met a girl that I absolutely loved. I’ll call her KB, and she was with me from the beginning of my addiction to the ass end of it. She was the first girl I actually loved, and why she stayed with me for so long is beyond me. I treated her like shit, used her for anything I could get out of her, and I regret everything I did to this poor girl. She meant the world to me, but because of my addiction, I couldn’t show her that. All I could show her was that I was a filthy fucking junkie. So, if you happen to be reading this, I am still sorry for what happened between us. She doesn’t even talk to me anymore, and I can’t say that I don’t deserve it. I just hope that one day she will accept my apology and realize that if I wasn’t plagued by addiction I could have gave her the world. And she damn well deserves it. She’s a great girl and anyone would be lucky to have her. I felt that this was worth mentioning since she was there with me through the (few) good times and the (many) bad. I am truly sorry for everything.
Okay, so where were we? Right! Methadone. So we started buying Methadone from Scum so he could support his dope habit. It wasn’t long before we were full on addicted to that, and it also wasn’t long before he got kicked out of the clinic and guess what we resorted to? I’ll save the rest of this story for my next entry. I have a lot to write about this part of my life in general so it surely deserves an entry to itself.
This is Legz, signing out.