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places your barred from... and why funnier the better!

jancrow said:
Well he's hardly glorifying the incident or trying to justify it is he?
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Seems like he was trying a bit to justify it tbh...

He was an ugly man who thought he was witty, the banter from our table was far more entertaining and he probably considered that kind of behaviour as the only way to increase his (slim) chances at having sex with one of the women in the room.

Which shows how much of a dick he was, but still...
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Check the ego out on that.
 
Banned from entering the city limits of Nevers in Northern France for five years after being found culpable of vagabondage and l'intoxication publique. In severe tones, the police inspector in charge of dumping us the other side of the ' welcome to Nevers' sign announced " you will never return to Nevers", then cracked up laughing at his little English joke. Anxious not to upset after several hours in the drunk tank, we laughed uproariously, too, and he gave us 5 francs apiece from his own pocket to send us on our way. Never did go back, as it happens.
 
The local about 2 years ago at christmas, being a bit of a scrooge my mate bet me I couldnt punch the head off the like 8ft santa they had erected in the corner, anyway just ended up knocking him over but knocked over a table full of like 8 pints and the landlandy, whos very tolerant, lets you sniff whatever wherever etc chucked me out. Anyway everyone was inside all warm and it was fucking freezing, no one came out so I decided to drop my kecks and start trying to push out a shit on the doorstep of the pub (ket, coke, diaz + booze). anyway being christmas they had a bouncer on the door, he came out, took one look at me and kicked me face first into the snow. Got unbarred the other month mind after a lengthy chat.


Always "Banned" from sankeys every other week for getting caught with something like that, they dont even remember your face next week. Been thrown out all the usual shit dives in manchester town enough times, 5th avenue in town when I was about 16, got caught with about 1 key of coke and got passed over to the police....
 
mattnotrik said:
The local about 2 years ago at christmas, being a bit of a scrooge my mate bet me I couldnt punch the head off the like 8ft santa they had erected in the corner, anyway just ended up knocking him over but knocked over a table full of like 8 pints and the landlandy, whos very tolerant, lets you sniff whatever wherever etc chucked me out. Anyway everyone was inside all warm and it was fucking freezing, no one came out so I decided to drop my kecks and start trying to push out a shit on the doorstep of the pub (ket, coke, diaz + booze). anyway being christmas they had a bouncer on the door, he came out, took one look at me and kicked me face first into the snow. Got unbarred the other month mind after a lengthy chat.


Always "Banned" from sankeys every other week for getting caught with something like that, they dont even remember your face next week. Been thrown out all the usual shit dives in manchester town enough times, 5th avenue in town when I was about 16, got caught with about 1 key of coke and got passed over to the police....
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Haha That sounds like me. I spent 3 years in Manc and used to get lauched from Sankeys and 5th Ave frequently.
 
Not exactly banned but was once refused entry to a Manchester casino after a night on the pills at a gig. Being a sunday night, back then it was near impossible to get a drink after 10.30pm, so my mate said he could sign me into a casino as he's a member. So we get to reception the lady behind the counter hands me the form to fill out. Probably about 3 pills into the night and my eyes doing their upmost to leave the sockets undettered i proceeded to fill out the form. All was fine to me as I handed it back upon I got tje reply " there's no way you're coming in here” and handed me the form back.

The only way to describe the scrawl on the paper was as if I'd suddenly learnt to write in Mandarin! Completley illegible scribble and I was promptly removed!
 
Got barred from Twisted Pepper in Dublin for smoking a pure grass joint on the dance floor at a Grooverider gig in january 2009 long after the smoking ban.

Grooverider had just been released from 10 months in prison in Dubai for possession of 2 grams of weed and I reckoned would he appreciate the aroma in the room. Lots of smiles from the dj booth and I had just finished smoking when I was ejected and barred for life. Was back on the dance floor 40 minutes later after sneaking back in ...

just did a search on google videos ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AD02dXEQFQI
 
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Some pub in Bingley, I got about 8 people banned. 2009, mates had not heard of Mephedrone yet, so we wait for the smoking area to empty, and start lining up on the table. Sniff sniff. Asked the fucking glass collector who stealth'd up on me if she wanted a line...
 
jancrow said:
The bit that doesn't add up is that the victim was apparently doing this to 'make himself look good'.
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Girls love it, killing boars in Warcraft means you're a good potential mate, at the subconscious level she knows you can provide for her and the offsprings and you can defend her.
 
nearly got thrown out of a youth hostel in dublin for falling out of a bunk bed and making a loud thud...woke up the next morning thinking i'd slept funny. remembered what had happened . deilightedly showed the world my left bum cheek ....the biggest bruise the world has ever seen
 
knockando said:
Also for stealing bacon? That ban probably covers the largest geographical area so far.
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Unfortunately not, it did involve another kind of Bacon though. Had been at a party for my brothers 21st which finished at about 4am, got in a taxi to egg stayed there until close and then headed down to brick lane to carry on at fuse. OB clocked us as soon as we jumped out of the taxis, they wouldn't leave us alone as we were trying to keep occupied until fuse opened so people started giving them the run around, giving them the slip through spitalfields market and the truman brewery etc disappearing then reappearing somewhere else. Eventually they got fed up with chasing after a bunch of fucked idiots so served us with some kind of anti loitering notice where by we were not permitted to return to the area for 48 hours. When we were being told this one of my mates asked "or fucking what?!" and was cuffed and thrown straight in the back of a van :D

In the end we did what anyone would do and looked on the map and found light bar was on the opposite side of the road to the area we were banned from, went in there and carried on.
 
Stole a packet of doritos when i was 13 from a spar store about 5 years ago im still banned from there though.. they took me to court and had to pay £90 court costs and 43pence compensation for the packet of doritos.. most expensive packet of crisp's i have ever had to pay for!
 
Production village, Cricklewood, North London.

Got into a ridiculous argument with six tough looking yardie types because one of our gang, a Panamanian called Jimmy, had a big ego with a mouth to match. There were seven of us but that included three girls and frankly I never fancied our chances. In the middle of a load of argy bargy a bottle got thrown/smashed. As it turned out it was thrown by someone not even connected to it all but we were instantly ejected by the bouncers.

As we walked down the road to get a bus/taxi home a van crawled past, stopped 20 yards up ahead, back doors opened and out spilled the yardies. We were in the middle of nowhere (for London) and I honestly thought we were about to get the shit kicked out of us.

Never been so surprised in my life. Yardie boys walked up to us, apologised, and shook our hands. "Didn't want any trouble mate, some other cunt threw the bottle, Irie, etc".

Phew.
 
The only place ive been banned from is Tower Records in London fro shoplifting a cassette tape, ironically enough called "Look Sharp" by Joe Jackson.

I'm usually peacfull and non troublesome in pubs and clubs, and apart from getting plenty of strange looks and occasional verbal abuse from scally cunts for being a 'weirdo', often due to the various substances Id taken, Ive never been banned from pub or club......yet

If i start going out on Etizolam, which i dont think would be a good idea, i suspect i might end up doing things that would get me into trouble......
 
Why are people being thrown out of places or even barred for being wankered?

I've never been to a club that would have thrown people out for excessive wankeredness.

I'm assuming you're not on about icon/Diva/Ritzy type places? If any of those chain clubs still exist.
 
Mailmonkey said:
Why are people being thrown out of places or even barred for being wankered?

I've never been to a club that would have thrown people out for excessive wankeredness.

I'm assuming you're not on about icon/Diva/Ritzy type places? If any of those chain clubs still exist.
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One of the places I was thrown out of, Tea Bar, was full of drugs, dealing and fucked people. We were always off our tits when we went there, and if we weren't we were by the time we left. I think it's just a case of the bouncers doing the occasional sting to make it seem like they were doing their job. Or maybe the police had taken notice, they closed down within a year of that.

To be honest, I was quite surprised at the time. Funnily enough I had the presence of mind to stash the drugs on the stair as I was being hauled to the bouncers office for searching, and once I had been chucked out, I phoned my pal who was still inside to collect them. 2 minutes later we were outside, with the drugs, and heading to the next place.

And no, definitely not a chain. Just a dirty druggy electronic music club.
 
Mailmonkey said:
Why are people being thrown out of places or even barred for being wankered?

I've never been to a club that would have thrown people out for excessive wankeredness.

I'm assuming you're not on about icon/Diva/Ritzy type places? If any of those chain clubs still exist.
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I'm with you there, I just never used to go to such places, the closest I got was when I used to go out with some friends of friends in fancy West End House clubs, used to have problems getting in but that was it.

TBH at clubs and parties I went to you would have looked more out of place if you weren't totally gouged, I wouldn't go any where that had a dress code even now. I was never a big one for pubs and bars either mainly because I just never liked the atmosphere much, blokes standing about looking vexed all night fuck that.
 
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