places your barred from... and why funnier the better!

[Mailmonkey]

Barred from this pub, the S***, just down the road, because I was high on 4-AcO-DMT(45-50mg), naked and tried to go in and order a pint. Fucking got accosted at the door and 2 years later I am still barred

Were you nursing a semi and complimenting all the beautiful laydeeez....and even the not so beautiful ones?

Barred from a burger van for stealing bacon while they were turned round.

I agree with bandw..this one for some reason has me chuckling aloud...

 

[headfuck123]

We fucking are a nice bunch ya stupid wee cunt! Want a fucking fight about it? Come ahead ya dafty!

mon tea fuck ye prick!

 

[scrooloose]

Was drinking special brew (jesus that shits vile,but it's all he ever drank) with a local pisshead in a park and later staggered into a pub and downed a pint of kronenbourg in one. A wave of intense nausea washed over me and i projectile vomited,trying to catch it in my empty pint glass to no avail. Foamy liquid sprayed everywhere.
"get out,yer barred".

I have been asked to leave many drinking establishments for reasons i can't remember although one was for indecent exposure.

 

[rockstar 69]

I got chucked out of big club/venue at KGX in London for dosing someone up with a key bump of 2C-E in the smoking area, got 1.5g of the stuff nicked off me by the bouncers and ejected out teh back door...while tripping on 2C-B and 2C-E - not a particularly fun evening.

Arrested at the door and barred for a while from my local shit club when I had just finished rolling a zoot (after dancing around the dive the night before, puffing on a fat one), after going through one of those fingerprint scanner things.

Barred from my local wetherspoons for about 2 years for dealing across the bar.

Barred from this pub, the S***, just down the road, because I was high on 4-AcO-DMT(45-50mg), naked and tried to go in and order a pint. Fucking got accosted at the door and 2 years later I am still barred, although I was let in there a few times when the managers missus was there, as she likes me.

LOL what a fanny.

I've been chucked out a couple of places for either doing drugs in their toilet (coke in the old Tea Bar on Shoreditch High Street) or being incapable (ketamine in the Bongo Club in Edinburgh [actually that's a lie, they never chucked me out, they took me outside and waited till I'd come out my hole]). A bouncer at Pure in Edinburgh told me they "knew what I was up to" (I was trying to score acid) but they let me stay. I threw a bottle of beer through the window at Maddogs in Edinburgh, smashing it, and got a kick-in from the bouncers for my effort. At Wilkie House in Edinburgh I jumped off a balcony and landed on a table of drinks, sending them flying and causing injury to a girl who was sitting there; somehow there was no retaliation until I started going up to her boyfriend on the dance floor, saying "come on then!". I got a broken nose for that.

Winning.

Where's the King of Mugobia when you need him?

 

[bogman]

@ Rockstar, would it be easier for you to list the place your not barred from

 

[rockstar 69]

I'm not actually barred from anywhere lol. One close shave involving x amount of MDMA, a mistaken gram bomb of diazepam powder and trying to rob a bottle of vodka, ended up picking up a bottle of the 5% stuff before knocking the entire lot of the shelf and falling over a pile of crisp boxes. Guy came chasing after me, escaped but lost a shoe in the process.

Accidentally pissed at a bar one night last year on various uppers, but was a bit of a dive and I was later forgiven.

It's all about the benzo catastrophe's. Now that was some funny shit. Does the thread from ages ago still exist?

 

[TheSpade]

Yes.

It was about six or seven years ago, I was a very lost, very coked-up and very different person. The guy was a dick, but that doesn't excuse it.

No it's a fucking horrible thing to do. I've thrown drinks on people, pissed on religious shrines, been a drunken dickhead but putting a cig out on someone is too far. He will probably be scarred for life.

Barred from this pub, the S***, just down the road, because I was high on 4-AcO-DMT(45-50mg), naked and tried to go in and order a pint. Fucking got accosted at the door and 2 years later I am still barred, although I was let in there a few times when the managers missus was there, as she likes me.

You seem surprised to still be barred 2 years later? You did try to go in naked! :D

We were lovely children.

Was blatantly last week. :D

I just instinctively grabbed the Redbull gun in front of her and sprayed it all over her face

This is the fucking best of the thread. Can just picture it.

That happened to a friend of mine, the bouncer grabbed him by the collar and said 'you're going on a rollercoaster ride mate' then proceeded to take him through every set of double fire doors in the club including finally the exit head first. His face was all sorts of pretty colours the next day.

This reminded me I was banned from a local club a few years ago, I was mongoed out my tits on E. I was wandering about with ecto hands on the go, Edward Scissor hands style and the bouncer noticed and told me I look fucked. He told me to follow him into 'the back room' and I wandered with him without thinking when he suddenly grabbed me by the back of the tshirt and rattled me head first straight through the fire exit and out the club, with the door swiftly shut behind me. Didn't hurt thankfully.

I'm not actually barred from anywhere lol. One close shave involving x amount of MDMA, a mistaken gram bomb of diazepam powder and trying to rob a bottle of vodka, ended up picking up a bottle of the 5% stuff before knocking the entire lot of the shelf and falling over a pile of crisp boxes. Guy came chasing after me, escaped but lost a shoe in the process.

 

[knock]

When I was a drunken teenager me and my alcoholic guru put cigarettes out on the backs of our own hands. The scar has gone but it did last a while.

 

[jancrow]

^ I put a snout out on my arm when I was about 18 to scare someone off, and can still see that. A couple of inches away from it is an accidental fag burn from a few years ago, classy shit. They only really scar if there's quite prolonged contact twixt flesh and flame, which there was in both those cases, so I suspect that whoever was on the end of Sam's regrettable assault probably pulled back and is unblemished.

Unless he went for the eye of course.

 

[mr.buffnstuff]

My arms are covered in burns from welding that shit scars for good!

 

[parttime crackhead]

Was blatantly last week. :D

Haha, no but it probably would have been (& every other week before that) if they hadn't shut that particular garage down years ago.

Sam - I hope you got your baws toed for the snout incident?

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

I got barred from Windsors strip club/brothel lol.. Despite being on a mentalist high I still maintain I did nowt wrong apart from being slightly bolshy with the Madam.

 

[Myshkin]

^ I put a snout out on my arm when I was about 18 to scare someone off, and can still see that. A couple of inches away from it is an accidental fag burn from a few years ago, classy shit. They only really scar if there's quite prolonged contact twixt flesh and flame, which there was in both those cases, so I suspect that whoever was on the end of Sam's regrettable assault probably pulled back and is unblemished.

Unless he went for the eye of course.

I don't like to think about this, but it was probably even worse.

The guy was playing some type of laptop netwrok game (in the pub) with his mate. There were women present, and the guy was trying to make himself look good. Unfortunately that ivolved making a fairly innocuous joke at my mate's expense, whereupon I started dishing out stupid threats and verbal abuse.

Said (unimpressed) women told us to grow up and shut up. So we agreed to let hostilities lie and shake hands. Which is when I decided to grind my nearly-finished cig into his palm.

A brawl ensued, two of my mates scarpered, one stayed and we managed to hold the several guys (including the landlord) who were trying to lay into us. Luckily they weren't the roughest types and I'm nimble enough to dodge punches from pot-bellied fortysomethings.

I lost a lot of respect, ruined one friendship and marred another to the extent it may never be the same again. I was going through a bad time, but maybe I got what I deserved.

Should've been a wake-up call, sadly it wasn't quite. Definitely a massive regret though.

 

[jancrow]

Sounds fairly dickish but at least you're not LOLing about it.

Both my cig burns took a long time, especially the deliberate one, which is now only juuuuust visible if you know what you're looking for, so your victim is probably not blessed with permanent stigmata as a result of that relatively brisk assault.

 

[parttime crackhead]

You missed out a vital part of the story when you first mentioned it.

The guy was playing some type of laptop network game (in the pub)

All you did was put a fag out on his hand? He got off lightly to be fair. What kind of wine-bar establishment were you drinking in that allowed this sort of nonsense?

 

[jancrow]

The bit that doesn't add up is that the victim was apparently doing this to 'make himself look good'.

 

[Myshkin]

All you did was put a fag out on his hand? He got off lightly to be fair. What kind of wine-bar establishment were you drinking in that allowed this sort of nonsense?

That's the thing - he was doing this in what used to be a real pub until gentrification led to such twattish practices being allowed. I couldn't believe it.

The bit that doesn't add up is that the victim was apparently doing this to 'make himself look good'.

He was an ugly man who thought he was witty, the banter from our table was far more entertaining and he probably considered that kind of behaviour as the only way to increase his (slim) chances at having sex with one of the women in the room.

Which shows how much of a dick he was, but still...

 

[TheSpade]

Strange that the boy was playing some sort of computer game in the pub, I don't think I've ever seen that before, but there's no justifying putting a fag out on someone especially for something so minor even if he was trying to show you up front of some birds and being cheeky.

I lost a lot of respect, ruined one friendship and marred another to the extent it may never be the same again. I was going through a bad time, but maybe I got what I deserved.

Maybe? I'd say you didn't get close to what you deserved most likely...a good kicking.

 

[jancrow]

Well he's hardly glorifying the incident or trying to justify it is he?

 

[Myshkin]

Strange that the boy was playing some sort of computer game in the pub, I don't think I've ever seen that before, but there's no justifying putting a fag out on someone especially for something so minor even if he was trying to show you up front of some birds and being cheeky.

Cocaine, heartbreak, booze, ego, hypomania, ersatz machismo, authentic stupidity and being twenty-five.

All of which help to explain, none of which excuse it.