place to find me.

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

And it's been almost a week that I've sat in this room,
one that I had made my own
with stars that glow in the dark
and little stupid memoriblia that just makes this...
me.
I sit down to check my email, 54 messages
none that pertain to me.
And I'm left to think, what all this fucking means.
No one cares in this world,
that I have not a damn thing.
Not a damn thing that I think to care about.
Nothing except for you.
And maybe, just maybe, that's not good enough.

You saw the shit I have put up with
living here month by month.
I walk out of the door the same time
every afternoon, 3.53 pm to be exact
with not a single "goodbye, have a nice day."
Don't care where I am going,
not when I'll even be home.
The only time they hear me
is when we are stumbling in at 4 in the morning,
beer in my bag.... hear my tv go on.

And it finally got so bad,
where I couldn't come home.
5 days ago to be exact.
Except to get some clothes and my make-up
when I knew no one would be here.
Stayed with you at your mom's.
And she didn't seem to mind
but I felt a bit wierd.

And it came on the third day
where i thought
"what the fuck am i going to do"
I felt 14 again
with no place to live, no place to go.
No one in the world to care for me,
and the a phone call from my sister,
who says she doesn't care about me.
So now,
that's even one less person
who I have to wonder about,
if she's wondering about me,
if I have a place to sleep...
or shower, or eat.

And we go look at this apartments today,
how god awful ugly it was,
to see that mess.
But we find one,
that just might be
us.
It just might be good enough...
for us to fix up...
for us to call our home.
But I think we knew long ago it wouldn't be.
And maybe if you didnt
I did.
How the fuck long could this go on?

The last few days we bit our tongues
sucked down our pride,
I had no where to sleep,
either did you,
except your parents.
so we layed quiet night after night
and waited for the next day
to bring us...
to whatever it was
that would get us through that day.

Until now.

I left your house
and walked miles.
Didn't know if I was going to come to this room.
Where I'd find myself alone,
wondering where I went wrong this whole time...
my whole life.

Wondering if I'd be able to walk away from this fucking mess
and start another
to dig myself out of a few months later.
And wondering if that guy from the pizza shop
is going to be waiting for us tomorrow at noon
to pick up 'our' apartment key.
It was such a lovely thought.
No wait.
let me rephrase that.
It is a lovely thought,
to think that we could have this key tomorrow
in our possession,
that could open up so many doors.
to so many things.

But perhaps it's better left to think
what we could have had...
than to go through and live with it
and regret what will be the past.
You are so beautiful and wonderful,
and I'd love to hold you this second.
But tomorrow I'll probably be in one of my moods again
where I hate the world, and you and me.
And I wish i didn't do that.......
but it's something that can't be helped.
I wish the world for us...
for you for me.

But there's nothing else right now,
except to wish you a good night.
You are home in bed, probably snuggly,
and i'm here.
well where.... you know the story.
I'd rather be walking blisters hurting my feet.
trying to find a place,
or better yet a place to find me.

 

[bisKi]

But there's nothing else right now,
except to wish you a good night.
You are home in bed, probably snuggly,
and i'm here.
well where.... you know the story.
I'd rather be walking blisters hurting my feet.
trying to find a place,
or better yet a place to find me.

^^ this is what hits home hardest.

 

[rewiiired]

But perhaps it's better left to think
what we could have had...
than to go through and live with it
and regret what will be the past.
You are so beautiful and wonderful,
and I'd love to hold you this second.
But tomorrow I'll probably be in one of my moods again
where I hate the world, and you and me.
And I wish i didn't do that.......

This struck me hardest, in the sense of personally.

The poem, like most of your work, still inspires me. And the story you're telling sounds so much like this girl I know and what she's going through... what it seems so many of the intelligent and beautiful women I've known have gone through. It helps me look through the kind of eyes I so often stare into when talking with this girl. I admire their endurance, and I admire the intense way you express your personal experience of it.

Very cool work, as always.

 

[mr_fluffy]

But perhaps it's better left to think
what we could have had...
than to go through and live with it
and regret what will be the past.
You are so beautiful and wonderful,
and I'd love to hold you this second.
But tomorrow I'll probably be in one of my moods again
where I hate the world, and you and me.
And I wish i didn't do that.......
but it's something that can't be helped.
I wish the world for us...
for you for me.

love the writing, hate the sentiment. this hits home on so many levels.