Pieces

[hylite]

Forgive yourself

for not knowing better at the

time. Forgive yourself for giving

away your power. Forgive yourself for

past behaviors. Forgive yourself

for the survival patterns and traits you

picked up while enduring trauma.

Forgive yourself for being ​

who you needed to be.

 

[nznity]

❤

 

[nznity]

@hylite this fits exactly for me right now, thanks for writing that.

 

[hylite]

RECOGNIZE


Sense of Urgency
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimacy in the United States. During one year, this equates to mor than 10 million women and men.

Physical abuse is the single largest cause for injury to women in the United States, accounting for 35% of visits by women annually.

One in three women and one in seven men experience severe physical violence by an intimate relationship during their lifetime.



What is Intimate Violence (Abuse)?
A pattern of violent and/or coercive tactics committed by one intimate partner against another.

A pattern of controlling behavior that consists of physical, sexual, and psychological abuse or assaults and emotional abuse.

Anyone can be a victim of intimate partner violence/abuse – men, women, children and those in same sex relationships.

While most perpetrators are men, it is important to remember that the majority of men are not perpetrators.


What causes intimate violence (abuse)?
Intimate partner violence/abuse is caused by the perpetrator feeling entitled to have power and control over an intimate partner. Abusers use the power thy have, social and/or physical to establish control within and intimate relationship. They use a pattern of behaviors to intimidate, manipulate, and physically violate their partners.

Physical abuse is one aspect of an effective strategy for creating and maintaining power and control.

Abuse is learned through observation, experience, and reinforcement in culture, family, and community (i.e., schools, peer groups, etc.,).

 

[hylite]

Common Myths

Intimate partner violence/abuse IS NOT caused by:


Mental Illness: Personality disorders, mental illness, poor impulse control, and generational abuse do not cause intimate abuse. Even in cases where a particular mental illness may cause a person t be violent, the abuse is not specifically targeted at one person but is generally violent to those around during the episode.


Genetics: Domestic abuse is not something that is passed on through DNA. Research has not shown any genetic abnormality causing a person to target abuse toward one individual.


Alcohol and drugs: Perpetrators blame their abuse on the effects of drugs and alcohol, and many victims may believe that drugs and alcohol cause the abuse. The two behaviors may be related, making abuse more severe of frequent, but the do NOT cause the pattern of violent abuse to exist. Addiction and abuse are two different problems, which need two different methods of treatment.


Out-of-control behavior: The common misconception is that a perpetrator is so angry they have no control over their actions. This is completely misguided. Abuse is a choice and solely the responsibility of the abuser. Most people have a difficult time thinking of abuse a choice and describe abusers as “losing it” but try to remember how we all make decisions t meet our won needs. We identify what we want and all the possible ways we can accomplish our goal. We decide how to reach our goals based on what we believe is OK or what we are willing to do. Abuse is no different.


Anger: People get angry all of the time: you your self are probably not free from this assumption. However, not everyone chooses to be violent. Anger does not cause abuse: abuse is a conscious choice made by the abuser. Perpetrators of domestic abuse often show their ability to control their anger by becoming very calm and “reasonable” when explaining and abuse incident to others such as those in authority. Law enforcement involved.


Stress: It’s the abuser’s choice to abuse. Abuse will not happen unless someone is willing to use it, regardless of outside influencers.


Behavior of the abused person or problems in the relationship: Batters strongly defend their abuse by denying, minimizing, justifying, and rationalizing their behavior. Nothing an abused person does causes a person to be violent. Perpetrators will be abusive regardless of any outside factor.


Battering involves choices made by the abuser, although it may appear to be a habitual reaction done without thought. To illustrate this, think about what the abuser destroys. It is most likely only items that mean something to the abused person, and not the abuser.

 

[hylite]

"It sounds to me that you're still at the stage where the fear of withdrawal is worse than the withdrawal itself."


That will work for sure.

 

[dragonix]

I did know better though.