Picture Perfect... my first official "Words" post

[LilBlondie]

I write a lot, but this one is really personal... I just wanted to share.

Picture Perfect

Hey mother would you have another drink
Let alcohol blur everything you think
Hey mother would you scream a little louder
“What happened to the daughter that never made me prouder?”
Hey mother would you take some self-destruction from my vein
Let my body hurt to reduce all the other pain

Why do you try to ruin my hopes, my dreams
A perfect picture isn’t always as it seems
In a world where good could even out bad
You were all that I had
Now I search for my own voice
As you steal away my any choice

Hey mother could you just sit and watch from afar
As I try to create a new scar
Hey mother could you control me in every way
Make me feel like it’s you I need to repay
Hey mother could you create some more memories tonight
Something to look back upon with delight

Don’t bother trying to ruin my hopes, my dreams
I’ve accepted a perfect picture isn’t always as it seems
I control the ending result: good or bad
Independence is now what I have
I’ve discovered my true voice
And will always retain my right of choice

I’m walking towards faded scars
While running from polite requests

(That's the first draft... I'll probably make some changes)

 

[plazma]

A very fucking tidy first contribution to this forum. I enjoyed reading it very much, the way you put words together to form a cohesive and interesting rhyming structure is impressive, to say the least.

Damn nice job!

-plaz out-

 

[Raz]

Welcome to Words! :D

It can be really difficult to write a rhyming poem which doesn't sound twee, and you've accomplished this very well!

Also, I have to agree with Resque...I love those last two lines, that's brilliant!

--Raz--

 

[LilBlondie]

thanks...

thanks for all the good responses!

i have a hard time writing when it isn't a time when i am experiencing a lot of emotion. however, those moments where there is a lot going on, everything just seems to flow. plus, once i get it down on paper... it seems to ease the anger, pain, or bad things of the moment.