I have been celibate for a few months and I am dying for a hug.
I had no idea how much being untouched would make me feel so damn lonely.
I miss sex. My husband can't so I'm committed to that, as part of the changes I need to make in my life.
I asked him for a hug when I got back from out of town but he's too tired or not into it or whatever. He hugged me in a half hearted way.
I want to hug a man the way I do when I'm cumming, holding him into me with the muscles in my arms straining to pull the man into my heart and lungs.
I want to throw my legs over a mans lap and be encircled by his arms. I want to put my head down on his shoulder and feel him tighten his hold on my whole upper half, pulling my head down into his chest.
I don't have the option of doing those hugs with my husband. It's not his fault, but his legs are fucked. I can't put pressure on his legs and he can't lay on them. Ok I understand all of that and we do what we can and it's ok.
He is totally anti masturbation. I do it occasionally but it has lost it's luster for me because I can't hug myself the way I want.
I'm not talking about holding someone for 10 minutes. I'm talking about that thing where you are done fucking and the afterglow washes in and there is an intense few moments of tightening your arms around that person, burying your face in his or her neck or hair, and letting the physical pressure say what you know you never could.
I enjoy sex. I enjoy orgasms. I enjoy all the stuff I just wrote about. Excuse me while I just feel straight up sorrow as my favorite parts of life fall away. I am 12 years younger than my husband, so maybe when I reach into my 60s I won't miss it anymore.
That's a long time. To me it will be a very lonely time. I know there's a lesson I have to learn through this, so I can handle it. It is hard for me, like trying to kick... when I want to feel like I'm part of someone else and we are both part of something bigger than both of us, it's a desire every bit as strong as any desire I ever felt for oxycontin.
I am miserably lonely in my body.
I had no idea how much being untouched would make me feel so damn lonely.
I miss sex. My husband can't so I'm committed to that, as part of the changes I need to make in my life.
I asked him for a hug when I got back from out of town but he's too tired or not into it or whatever. He hugged me in a half hearted way.
I want to hug a man the way I do when I'm cumming, holding him into me with the muscles in my arms straining to pull the man into my heart and lungs.
I want to throw my legs over a mans lap and be encircled by his arms. I want to put my head down on his shoulder and feel him tighten his hold on my whole upper half, pulling my head down into his chest.
I don't have the option of doing those hugs with my husband. It's not his fault, but his legs are fucked. I can't put pressure on his legs and he can't lay on them. Ok I understand all of that and we do what we can and it's ok.
He is totally anti masturbation. I do it occasionally but it has lost it's luster for me because I can't hug myself the way I want.
I'm not talking about holding someone for 10 minutes. I'm talking about that thing where you are done fucking and the afterglow washes in and there is an intense few moments of tightening your arms around that person, burying your face in his or her neck or hair, and letting the physical pressure say what you know you never could.
I enjoy sex. I enjoy orgasms. I enjoy all the stuff I just wrote about. Excuse me while I just feel straight up sorrow as my favorite parts of life fall away. I am 12 years younger than my husband, so maybe when I reach into my 60s I won't miss it anymore.
That's a long time. To me it will be a very lonely time. I know there's a lesson I have to learn through this, so I can handle it. It is hard for me, like trying to kick... when I want to feel like I'm part of someone else and we are both part of something bigger than both of us, it's a desire every bit as strong as any desire I ever felt for oxycontin.
I am miserably lonely in my body.
