OneEyedRonnie
Bluelighter
So, it turns out I have way too addictive a personality to handle Phenibut responsibly and it is now time
for me to discontinue use. I had been using it daily (I know, stupid!) for 3 months with my dosage eventually maxing out at 4 grams daily. I have some coming in the mail butttt I ran out early without doing a taper (fucking addict). What follows are some of my experiences and thoughts on a little of what I am going through.
DISCLAIMER I am not trying to paint Phenibut as a bad compound in this thread. If it's used responsibly I'm sure it's helpful for many people. It is me that is the problem, and I hold myself fully accountable for that. Also, yes I realize I have acted very irresponsibly. I feel stupid for putting myself in this position. All I can do at this point is take positive steps toward getting away from this stuff.
Day 1 – 0.5 mg klonipin in the morning/0.5 mg klonipin in the later afternoon, 100 mg gravol for sleep
I started these entries on Day 2, so this entry will be a bit shorter as I am having to go by my (foggy)memory. I was visiting my mother, she lives about a 4 hour drive away on the bus. The anxiety was largely held in check by the klonipin. Severe anhedonia was present, and, as such, I was extremely restless. Feelings of profound sadness and hopelessness further conspired to undermine my enjoyment of the trip.
Day 2 – taken 0.5 mg klonipin in the morning, 0.5 mg klonipin late afternoon , 100 mg gravol for sleep
Depression, restlessness and anxiety have been the worst part of the day. The klonipin helps with the anxiety, but does little for the depression. The gravol helps immensely with sleep. I have been skipping from activity to activity, finding little joy in any of them. This is the anhedonia that people have been writing about on the forums.
I suspect this is going to be a 7 day process. I am scared of living without my little crutch. I am fearful, sad, and my emotions seem to be prone to some ups and downs. I just want my mind back. I am low on klonipin, but I do have more phenibut coming in the mail tomorrow,probably. I'm not sure if I'd be better served to start a slow taper or just throw them out and be done with them for good.
I will need to take it one day at a time. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up feeling a little bit better, but I suspect it's a bit too soon for that as tomorrow is only day 3.This is an extremely nasty and dangerous little substance I've been fucking around with here. I honestly should have known better. I do know better. What was so bad that I decided to risk it anyway?
And now I am sick,waiting for A to message me and nervous about even having a conversation with her. This makes me feel bad. I just don't want to talk to anybody, and yet. . . I'm lonely.
I need my confidence back. My natural, hard-earned confidence. I have been holding my own for almost 3 years before this happened, and I know that I can get back to that place once more. I will try to stay positive. I will try to believe. I will do my best to stay the course. God help me.
Day 3 – Late morning/Early afternoon: 0.5 mg klonipin with 100 mggravol and multivitamin
More of the same today. I am able to enjoy activities for a longer length of time than yesterday. These have largely been reduced to reading and watching Netflix. I don't like to be out of bed for very long. Conversations with others have gone okay (I don't think this would be the case without klonipin), but instead of getting any genuine enjoyment out of them, I am just going through the motions and hoping I don't act in such a way as to arouse suspicion or fuck things up. I go back to work tomorrow (Day 4) and this is causing me no small amount of concern.
I know logically that this is all due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. I know I will get better. But there's a small, niggling voice in the back of my mind that is telling me that this is how life will be without phenibut. I am tempted to just sleep the day away. I'll try to write some more later.
UPDATE:
Day 4 -- 1g Phenibut
Well, I caved in. I didn't screw up all the way and go back up to my 4g/day habit, but I've begun to take a 1g "maintenance" dose. Anxiety is gone but some depression and anhedonia still present. I suspect whatever action this stuff has on dopamine is ineffective at 1g for me at this point. I want to taper off and I'm unsure of how to go about it.
Work was interesting. It's hard to stare down a 12 hour shift when you're feeling so fucked up. I got through it though. I don't know if I could have gone to work without taking that maintenance dose and I can ill-afford to miss any more time.
Depression more pronounced in the evening as the dosage wore off. Slept soundly for 7 hours.
Day 5 -- 1g Phenibut
Welllp, back to the maintenance dose. It seems a little less effective in reducing withdrawal symptoms today. Anxiety, thankfully, is not much of an issue but it's hard to shake this depression. It's so tempting to just take more. I could change the whole complexion of my day by just ingesting another gram or so. I also know this would cause more pain in the long run, so I refrain. I wish I could just take a week off work and cold-turkey it, but I just cannot afford it. Hopefully I will stabilize on this dosage a bit so I can begin to chip away at cutting down.
It's early afternoon in Eastern Canada, I will try to update later.
for me to discontinue use. I had been using it daily (I know, stupid!) for 3 months with my dosage eventually maxing out at 4 grams daily. I have some coming in the mail butttt I ran out early without doing a taper (fucking addict). What follows are some of my experiences and thoughts on a little of what I am going through.
DISCLAIMER I am not trying to paint Phenibut as a bad compound in this thread. If it's used responsibly I'm sure it's helpful for many people. It is me that is the problem, and I hold myself fully accountable for that. Also, yes I realize I have acted very irresponsibly. I feel stupid for putting myself in this position. All I can do at this point is take positive steps toward getting away from this stuff.
Day 1 – 0.5 mg klonipin in the morning/0.5 mg klonipin in the later afternoon, 100 mg gravol for sleep
I started these entries on Day 2, so this entry will be a bit shorter as I am having to go by my (foggy)memory. I was visiting my mother, she lives about a 4 hour drive away on the bus. The anxiety was largely held in check by the klonipin. Severe anhedonia was present, and, as such, I was extremely restless. Feelings of profound sadness and hopelessness further conspired to undermine my enjoyment of the trip.
Day 2 – taken 0.5 mg klonipin in the morning, 0.5 mg klonipin late afternoon , 100 mg gravol for sleep
Depression, restlessness and anxiety have been the worst part of the day. The klonipin helps with the anxiety, but does little for the depression. The gravol helps immensely with sleep. I have been skipping from activity to activity, finding little joy in any of them. This is the anhedonia that people have been writing about on the forums.
I suspect this is going to be a 7 day process. I am scared of living without my little crutch. I am fearful, sad, and my emotions seem to be prone to some ups and downs. I just want my mind back. I am low on klonipin, but I do have more phenibut coming in the mail tomorrow,probably. I'm not sure if I'd be better served to start a slow taper or just throw them out and be done with them for good.
I will need to take it one day at a time. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up feeling a little bit better, but I suspect it's a bit too soon for that as tomorrow is only day 3.This is an extremely nasty and dangerous little substance I've been fucking around with here. I honestly should have known better. I do know better. What was so bad that I decided to risk it anyway?
And now I am sick,waiting for A to message me and nervous about even having a conversation with her. This makes me feel bad. I just don't want to talk to anybody, and yet. . . I'm lonely.
I need my confidence back. My natural, hard-earned confidence. I have been holding my own for almost 3 years before this happened, and I know that I can get back to that place once more. I will try to stay positive. I will try to believe. I will do my best to stay the course. God help me.
Day 3 – Late morning/Early afternoon: 0.5 mg klonipin with 100 mggravol and multivitamin
More of the same today. I am able to enjoy activities for a longer length of time than yesterday. These have largely been reduced to reading and watching Netflix. I don't like to be out of bed for very long. Conversations with others have gone okay (I don't think this would be the case without klonipin), but instead of getting any genuine enjoyment out of them, I am just going through the motions and hoping I don't act in such a way as to arouse suspicion or fuck things up. I go back to work tomorrow (Day 4) and this is causing me no small amount of concern.
I know logically that this is all due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. I know I will get better. But there's a small, niggling voice in the back of my mind that is telling me that this is how life will be without phenibut. I am tempted to just sleep the day away. I'll try to write some more later.
UPDATE:
Day 4 -- 1g Phenibut
Well, I caved in. I didn't screw up all the way and go back up to my 4g/day habit, but I've begun to take a 1g "maintenance" dose. Anxiety is gone but some depression and anhedonia still present. I suspect whatever action this stuff has on dopamine is ineffective at 1g for me at this point. I want to taper off and I'm unsure of how to go about it.
Work was interesting. It's hard to stare down a 12 hour shift when you're feeling so fucked up. I got through it though. I don't know if I could have gone to work without taking that maintenance dose and I can ill-afford to miss any more time.
Depression more pronounced in the evening as the dosage wore off. Slept soundly for 7 hours.
Day 5 -- 1g Phenibut
Welllp, back to the maintenance dose. It seems a little less effective in reducing withdrawal symptoms today. Anxiety, thankfully, is not much of an issue but it's hard to shake this depression. It's so tempting to just take more. I could change the whole complexion of my day by just ingesting another gram or so. I also know this would cause more pain in the long run, so I refrain. I wish I could just take a week off work and cold-turkey it, but I just cannot afford it. Hopefully I will stabilize on this dosage a bit so I can begin to chip away at cutting down.
It's early afternoon in Eastern Canada, I will try to update later.
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