• Trip Reports Moderator: M!$ter-ED

Pharmahuasca: The End of Time, Parties with Aliens, and Endless Torture

Do you know the dosage in mgs of DMT used BTW?

Not that it is necessarily relevant DMT seems well capable of producing wildly variable effects - dosage at times appear almost immaterial - however I'd still be interested to know. :)
 
B9 said:
Do you know the dosage in mgs of DMT used BTW?

Not that it is necessarily relevant DMT seems well capable of producing wildly variable effects - dosage at times appear almost immaterial - however I'd still be interested to know. :)
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No clue. But I am trying to find out. Will keep the forum updated for sure.
 
Oh man. This makes me wonder if all the horrible trips I've had on psychedelics are preludes to me going to hell. The "shrill noise" and the deceptive let-ups ... goosebumps and my hair standing on end as I read this. I need to repent and stop stealing for the sake of drugs and convenience and start fighting for social causes I believe in and live a worthwhile life! Because you know, deep down, I do believe every moment is eternal, that all this shit is going to happen again in this infinite (or damn close to it)universe (until finally the whole thing ends ... and then finally begins again). Granted I'm on benzo's and alcohol right now so my reasoning is extremely impaired and I'm thinking in words rather than images and frankly I'm tired of doing stupid fucking downers because I feel they are bad for the soul (and so are uppers) and psychedelics CAN help the soul but really what helps the soul is internal quietude, love, selflessness, sacrifice ... and mindfulness.

My own mind is so fragile just in the wake of acid and mescaline that I am not sure I will ever have the balls to take DMT. There's a lot wrong inside my head (a bunch of schizophrenic shit I think -- this is vague and intentionally dumbed-down and I'm really not as dumb as I'm sounding right now, I promise) and I don't know if I can bear to confront it. ='( But must I? How can I prepare? What can I do? Is 2012 when the red button will really be pushed? I want to reach this joy that will let me honestly assess the REALITY of "the end" (and, I suspect, a new beginning at some point afterward) and be prepared for it. I don't want TV and Xanax and mindless Web surfing. I want wholeness and comprehension and love.

Reaction of those reading this is most likely: "oh great, the nutcases coming out in force" ;)
 
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phoenixrain88 said:
Reaction of those reading this is most likely: "oh great, the nutcases coming out in force" ;)
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Not really, you just sound like you're whining a bit. :\ The things you are wishing for in your life (fighting for social causes, selflessness, mindfulness, etc.) are nice, but wishing for it ain't gonna make it happen. You gotta DO it. It's as simple (and as difficult) as that.
 
My god, what an amazing trip report. Thank you for writing that up, it was incredible.

I never ever want to experience that. I know this is really trite and stupid, but your description of the pain just made me think of the movie Hellraiser.

Fucking unreal - terrifying - and unreal. I would be sober for life after an experience like that.

Thank you again for sharing.
 
Wow, nice report! I'ma start taking psychedelics again first chance I get! (I'm a glutton for psychological terror.)

What happened to the others? They took the same thing as you, right? Presumably some were less-experience psychonauts, so how mad did the others go? Or was it just you?
 
socio said:
Wow, nice report! I'ma start taking psychedelics again first chance I get! (I'm a glutton for psychological terror.)

What happened to the others? They took the same thing as you, right? Presumably some were less-experience psychonauts, so how mad did the others go? Or was it just you?
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The others took less than my friend and I, we had engaged in a long talk preceding the experience, and I somewhat asked for the experience upon mentioning previous underwhelming 'huasca experiences in the past, thus he ensured that we "got" it this time.

Everyone else reported relatively glowing experiences, with rough bumps along the way but nothing near my sort of extreme reaction.
 
Damn...that was one for the books. Honestly, its one of the most prolific experiences ive ever seen written down. To most this seems like an extremely intense psychedelic experience. To me however, I can at least in part sympathize with you on your experience with the "others." Most will think im crazy but the realm you visited is as real as anything can be. The ancients knew it. Some call it the spiritual "plane" (Dr. Bill Deagle) or the Astral "plane." Its interesting that you mention future lineage human beings. Some theorists believe that many "extra-terrestrials" are actually future humans coming back in time after some cataclysmic event takes place, forcing them underground, thus vastly altering their appearence; causing the necessity for them to come back to get current human DNA....kind of like a system restore for a computer. Hyper-dimensional beings exist. Humans in fact are thought to be. Its just that our civilization is only so young; so young that we are not even a 1st teer civilization...only a zero.

N, N Dimetheyltriptamine is one tool we humans can use to travel thusly. Maybe travel is the wrong word. Really i mean see these extra dimensions, using our "third eye" or peninal gland (which oddly enough ive read contains rods and cones), are "seen" or viewed. And did I mention that these extra dimensions are required by today's latest Unifying Field Theory of physics?

Im sorry im just rambling. The morphine maybe:\ I really enjoyed your trip report, and hope that the world presents itself to you in a less painfull, benevolent way. Love and Hate extend from the same source.
 
Awesome trip report, thank you so much for posting that.

Psychedelic Gleam said:
7. ... EVERYTHING is temporary, must die, must end, and we must reach a state where the end of EVERYTHING is something we can approach with celebration and love.
8. You MUST answer for who you are, what you do, the impact you have, the love, the pain, the cruelty, the good deeds, every choice you make, Tinker around with the psychedelic realm long enough and this confrontation with the oftentimes painful nature of your true self is INEVITABLE.
9. Transformation is and will be fantastic, beautiful, necessary AND HORRIFICALLY/UNIMAGINABLY DIFFICULT AND PAINFUL. This is the nature of purging, of evolution, of life.
10. WE MUST SAVE OURSELVES. Noone can do it for you, these deep issues, states of mind, are personal and must be personally addressed.
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I've come to the same conclusions myself (both before psychedelics and later with their aid). The human condition is simultaneously unbearably painful, and yet filled with the potential of overwhelming bliss and greatness. We must each aim to save ourselves until the day we die, and in this way we save humanity. As we climb our personal mountains, we are part of a unified humanity, climbing a mountain that stretches from the first sentient animal, up to a peak of social/moral/technological/intellectual maturity, and finally to our eventual inevitable demise. All things must come to an end, but that end can be heaven or that end can be hell.

Be good.
 
If everything including the universe must come to an end, does that mean that the endless torture that you perceived must also come to an end at some point or since the end of time had already occurred that your torment was an exeption to the rule that everything must eventually come to an end?

In other words, was the torture only perceived as lasting forever at that time or do you still believe it was truly going to last forever?

Also, was it punishment for pressing the button, and were everyone and everything else other than yourself also being tormented?
 
Rectify said:
If everything including the universe must come to an end, does that mean that the endless torture that you perceived must also come to an end at some point or since the end of time had already occurred that your torment was an exeption to the rule that everything must eventually come to an end?

In other words, was the torture only perceived as lasting forever at that time or do you still believe it was truly going to last forever?

Also, was it punishment for pressing the button, and were everyone and everything else other than yourself also being tormented?
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"End" was a impossible concept as this was non-linear time, beginnings and endings were rendered meaningless, there was only "eternity"...

The button pushing was only one moment in a lifetime of affronts to the divine wrath that came down upon me...

Its hard to answer these questions really it was such an abstract, non-linear experience, hard to put into words.
 
Psychedelic Gleam,

Thank you very much for sharing your very real and out of this world experience with us and, furthermore, for doing so so eloquently.

Your experience is frightening to me in many ways and gave me a sort of spiritual wake up call. The possibility of eternal torture in a place with no time is horrifying to me and many others I would imagine, not just because of the pain but also because it would mean never becoming closer to God and that he strongly disapproved of oneself and one's past actions, and that one's sins were eternally unforgiven. Then again, Hinduism teaches that there are many different heavens and hells but that they eventually evolve into something else, or effectively cease to exist if you will. This concept is much more comforting to me than the Christian conception of eternal damnation.

The intensity of your reaction also makes me wonder how close you were to an actual and potentially lethal physical overdose, though that seems unlikely as I have only heard of only two deaths ascribed to DMT out of many trips. Also, you never expressed the feeling of flying through a tunnel towards a warm, comforting bright white light, as many people who have had near death experiences report.

I once read that psychedelics sometimes fool people into believing that they are experiencing heaven when what they really are experiencing is hell. You certainly seem like you were for the latter 2 or 3 hours of the trip!

At the risk of offending die hard psychonauts, which like I said used to be me too, I will say that don't want to try DMT anymore after reading your trip report even though I am fully aware that many people have glowing experiences with it and consider it their favorite drug. I'm afraid tryptamines and ergolines are just not my thing anymore, despite the fact that I thought IM MET was lovely.

In fact, I now have reservations about drugs of abuse in general now--admittedly with greater reservations about some drugs more than others--that I didn't have before I read this TR and am, in a way, disgusted at myself for using them at all costs for so many years.

Thanks again for sharing, and to quote (and to risk offending the BL anti-God contigency) David Bowie's "Space Oddity," May God's love be with you!
 
That was an enthralling report. I'm fascinated by the insights into metaphysical suffering psychedelics like DMT or salvia tend to bring. Undoubtedly, our spelunking of infinite Hell can be as rich in sheer content as our preferred and more frequent forays into ecstasy.

I love reading about coherent narrative visions like "The Story of the Big Red (metaphoric) Button." I have to imagine these stories are all in our heads and refer to external reality only by coincidence, but it's interesting to think that a part of our psyches must unconsciously engineer something like THAT-- with an understanding of how the conscious mind will experience and interpret it.

It's absurd to dismiss such grand theater as the inevitable orchestration of a single simple molecule, it is of course the work of mind. But why should we have such a mind as that which, with the accompaniment of blind molecule, can navigate experiences radically divorced from our earlier lives, and yet that at times, even in the immediate moment of their presentation, retain a didactic style and a meaning for our futures? So strange.
 
Reading this has led me to reconsider my dose for my first ayahuasca session. I thought i'd jump head first, but the circus carnival theme stuff is currently rather unsettling for me, mushrooms being the only culprit for this theme so far... the nature of reality, maniacal laughter that sits on a rhythm its normal then rises and sits in one place, over and over again.

the connection you had with your friend sounds beautiful!
 
hi. stumbled across this forum and found it very interesting...
and i guess i just wanted to put my two pennith worth in there...

ive been studying parts of the vedas and other ancient scriptures under the guidance of my spiritual master for nearly 10 years now...
yes im just a beginner in that field but the conclusions i have come to by faith and experience so far as regarding the thoughts and ideas presented in this thread are as follows...

this material world is eternal because it is one Gods many energies and as God is eternal so are all His energies...

however all manifestions in this world experienced by our senses are temporary.
that includes all hellish and heavenly dimensions...
in other words there is no place where a soul can be put in where he/she will experience eternal pain and suffering. God wouldn't be that cruel...

(One name for God in sanskrit is Krsna so for now on i will use the word Krsna when refering to God or the Absolute, the Creator, All That Is or whatever is a persons prefered words for the Supreme Absolute...)

the soul is eternal and its nature is spiritual where as the body and mind are both temporary and material...

we have all had many lifetimes in different species of life and undoubtley we have all committed many sinful activities...

a sinful activity is considered to be an action which is performed solely for ones own pleasure as apposed to an activity which is done for the pleasure of the Absolute and for the good of the whole...

there is a world beyond these senses of ours which cannot be reached by our worldly senses (subtle or not) even when we are having a psychedelic experience...

so many different dimensions of existence can be reached by using psychedelics but they are all contained within this material universe...

the world beyond the mundane sense can be called the spiritual world and it is a place of pure unadulterated love, beauty and harmony...

it is a place that it exists where the soul feels no pain or suffering and is constantly experiencing higher and higher states of bliss...

an overall name for the spiritual world is Vaikuntha but different regions are known by different names such as Goloka, Vrindavan and so on...

this plane of existence can only be reached through love and devotion...

for love to exist there has to be a lover and the beloved...

the lover is considered to be our soul (the actual living entity which is truly us) and the beloved is deemed to be Krsna, the Absolute...

all psychedelic experiences and other states of mind are temporary...the mind and body are separate from the soul...it is likend to be like the body is a car (vehicle), the mind is the driver and the soul is the passenger...

to experince this higher state of love and consciousnes there is a process...

this process is called yoga but not the kind of yoga which is very popular today such as bending stetching yoga in gyms and yoga clubs...

the actual name of this yoga is Bhakti....

bhakti means love and devotion...<3

the key process in bhakti yoga to reach higher states of consciousness is chanting sacred mantras....

one such mantra is called the maha mantra...

it goes like this...

Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare...

this mantra can be repeated anywhere at any time and by anyone...

it contains within it all other mantras known to mankind, and so the goal of all mantras can be obtained just by chanting this mantra...

for the mantra to have the fullest effect it should be heard first by a bonafide spiritual master...if anyone is interested here is a link to such a spiritual master...www.purebhakti.com ...

however even without a spiritual guide or master the mantra can still have amazing affects on the consciousness of the practioner...

being vegitarion helps too..

and if anybody is still reading this then ill offer a little of my own background...

i used to do lots of psychedelics...traveled a lot to India in my twenties...my experiences in those times left me with a deep yearning for spiritual knowledge and fulfillment...i searched alot and alot and tryed various paths and diferent mediation techniques...once i met my spiritual guide in 2001 i stopped searching and now only have to follow the practice...

sometimes iam tempted to do psychedelics again and once i did in 2006 in the mountains of california and had a profound and beautiful experince but my conclusion was that everything can be gained from purely chanting the maha mantra...its free for everybody...

anyway thats my two pennith worth...the subject is actually very vast and unending but i felt like writing especially after beening touched by somethings that both Psychedelic Gleam and Phoenixrain88 had said and so felt like sharing these things with you guys....peace.
 
Very interesting report, thx for sharing :)

although i can't really understand how people can be scared into doing "good" by the fear of eternal torture... that's just way too much the negative thought structure that christian believes transport and also one of the reasons i never understood christianity...

f.e. the inquisition was something triggered by the fear of oh so brave christians... and is just one of many examples where the atempt to lead people by scaring them has gone terribly wrong...

and it also contradicts all of my realisations i had with my last lsd experiences, those being:

1. i am free... i am free to do what i want, and i am free to enjoy what i do! - to think of an higher power (however you want to call it) that first gives freedom and then later punishes for living this freedom seems very ilogical to me, also "i am free" includes i am free to believe in what ever i want - and i wouldn't want to believe in a higher power that acts this stupidly (it would seem to me like "beating a child and then tell him not to cry" - to quote tanja stephens)

2. Love exists!... and love is what made me realise that life is good, and that nothing is as fulfilling as to love life and help others to do so... but also love can't exist without fear and suffering, fear only exists because of love, and love exists only because of fear - no even further: they are the very same thing, only from 2 different perspectives...

3. everything is infinite and is unified by being infinite and therefore all is one! and there can be nothing apart from the infinite, everything is everything - there is no outside of everything... what leads me to something that is found in every religion (or however you want to call your own personal system of believes) - which is also to be seen in the post of pranji:

the wish that there is a place of love, without suffering... if you call it heaven, nirvana, Vaikuntha, there are many religions who tell people that there is a way out of this world which leads into a world where only love exists...

i thought i realised (in the end another realisation of mine was that everything is an ilusion, apart from that i am alive and that i am free, - or better said the ilusion that i am alive and i am free to enjoy that i am alive is the most fulfilling happy-making ilusion i can think of, an ilusion that def. makes me happier than ilusions that scare me into doing something) that this only is another expression of fear, which keeps people from enjoying every moment in their life...

i hope nobody understands my post as offense, i just wanted to give my view on the matter and tell you there is no reason to be afraid, but every reason to be happy about your life (and also to be happy about the suffering/death/fear/etc because it helps us to see/understand/create love in the first place - all my "sins" are part of who i am today and what i believe today, and i love my life today, so they all are not just bad - like anything in life is neither just "good" or just "bad")

whatever you believe, i hope it makes you happy! and if it doesn't: always remember: you are free to believe whatever you want! freedom is what makes everything in life unique, uniqueness is what makes this life beautiful, there would be no uniqueness with just love/life or just fear/death...

good vibes
 
Rainbow Warrior:

I don't believe in things as externally innately good or evil. I view good and evil as emergents of human consciousness . I do not think this trip was some sort of "preemptive" external Christian hell that I was able to glimpse into.
 
I've been holding off on pharmahuasca (tried aya, but didn't take the right measures to not vomit after 10mins), for years. You have inspired me sir. Thanks for taking the time to right something so damn fresh...as cliche that is definately not. :)
 
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