I am having an Fjones-esque start to my day. Just one huge train of annoyances. But it's actually quite outrageous, and nothing I am saying is untrue or made up.
This has all actually happened to me today. Of course some with only myself deserving blame. But alas, here it goes...
Yesterday, I received a letter at my door stating that my apartment complex was going to be havine its water cut between 10am and 2pm as per some local ordinance or whatever. The letter definately implied that it would not just be our complex, but a greater part of my suburb as well. It definately contained the phrase "town ordinance," whatever that is.
Great, I'll just sleep through it....or so I thought.
Text message comes in around 12pm from a friend, containing one (meaningless) sentence. I actually was able to fall parially fall back to sleep, when text message two comes through from the same friend with a meaningless sentence. I ended up getting four in about two minutes. WHY NOT JUST TYPE THE FOUR MEANINGLESS SENTENCES INTO ONE TEXT MESSAGE? Or better yet, respect the mass-text that I sent out yesterday evening requesting all of my friends not to call/text me before 2pm tomorrow unless it was an emergency.
Anyway, I was up. Okay, I am not one of those people who believes in sporatic toilet flushing. I know this has been talk about before on here, but either number one or number two, I always flush thereafter. Especially living in a place where it's not uncommon at all to have unexpected guests. Hence at 12pm nature's calling hard.
Ah, god, I cannot even go to the gas station across the street, because apparently the water is out all over the place. I'll have to drive a few miles to ensure that I'll be able to find a public place with working sanitation.
Starbucks, always a lifesaver. Or so I thought. Now they have a private restroom for each sex, as in you enter and lock the door behind yourself. Now I know that when I encounter such a restroom, even though any reasonable person would lock the door behind his/herself, I always knock just in case first. So I knock. No response. I open the door, and come face-to-face with a man with his pants around his ankles, starring back at me. And to top the whole thing off, he was a police officer!
Why would you do that? I mean not lock the door, and then not call out a word such as "occupied" upon my knock? Why would you not lock the door in the first place?
So I walk into the tavern two doors down from Starbucks. This one has a restroom with one toilet, one urinal and one sink, but no lock on the door! That would not be a problem if the toilet had a stall around it, but it did not! Just a little divder thing with the urinal. Great, I'm not about to use that because roles could immediately be turned on me - I would be like the cop, only I wouldn't have the stupidity defense. I would simply be a man trying for a number two in a risky situation (I really am not comfortable with the idea of someone watching my bodily functions). But nature was calling LOUDLY. Screaming.
Option1: risk it.
Option 2: use women's room
Option 3: go back to Starbucks, hoping policeman is finished
Option 4: do something completely rediculous and nonsensical, but possibly most effective.
Of course I went with number 4. Why, I don't know. I am a horrible human being. There was one bartender on duty, and she was busy playing pool with one of the few patrons. So I run to my car, grab a pen and pull a page of a notebook, and write "Out of Order" and wedge it underneath the sign that says "men" on the outside of the door. I figured all I would need would be about 2 minutes, and I'd be outta there, impromptive sign removed.
WOULD YOU EVER BELIEVE IT? Right as I am about to reopen the door, I hear a verbal mass of madness. NOT ONLY WAS THERE (APPARENTLY) A WOMAN IN THE WOMEN'S ROOM FROM BEFORE THE TIME I EVEN ENTERED THE TAVERN, BUT ONE OF THE THREE MALE PATRONS IN THE BAR (not including me) ACTUALLY READ THE SIGN AND WENT WITH MY OPTION 2! So I am thinking
If I remove the sign, as originally was my intention, this will really make his situation look bad. So I left the sign up, quickly left the tavern, and felt just a slight bit morally bankrupt.
I mean I know that that was selfish to do, but why do so many bars set up their restrooms like this? I mean I've been out before and had to make a number two, but couldn't because the restroom was set up like this, as was getting heavy traffic. So I've actually left the bar and gone to nearby public toilets. Just why not put up a stall? I mean am I really in the minority here in that I don't want to be seen taking a crap by other men in an open restroom?
So I am driving home, trying to forget about it, and stop at the gas station directly across the road from my complex to get something to eat. I see someone come out of their bathroom.
Redleader: "Wow, that must be kinda creepy keeping your bathrooms open all this time during the water outage and all.."
Attendent: "Outage? There's no outage?"
God, so my apartment complex lied to us? Why? What type of conspiracy was going on? Trying to bite my tongue, and failing, I stopped at the complex office. Hmm, open hours M-F 10am-5pm. Nobody's there and they're not answering their phones! How convenient!
It's now 5pm and the water is still off. And I was supposed to have company over tonight, and was looking forward to cooking for them. But now I'll have to cancel that, or just take us all out to dinner. Ahhh!
Not originally included: I originally left the house with my wallet and my car keys, nothing else. I was wearing what I selpt in - a shirt and atheletic shorts. So a pet peeve against myself is that I will use my credit card to pay for something, return my wallet to my back pocket while the card is still in the posession of the cashier/whomever, and then when I do get my card back, I will put the card and slip in my pocket, apart from the wallet, and mentally assume I'll just put the one in the other next time of usage. Stupid, lazy Redleader. WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS? I AM MY OWN PET PEEVE! (to quote a familiar man...) So of couse I did that last night at the bar, and though my wallet was with me at the gas station, my credit card was at home in my pants worn last night (note I am in the process of getting a new debt card because of said action - the scan thing on the back getting scratched by my stupid pocket approach, so debt wasn't an option either). I had no money in my wallet. I had two options: theft or go home. I did the smart thing this time
It's always like "Wow, it looks like he got caught in the inner upper thigh with that ball" or "lower adomen hits can hurt really bad....I hope he's okay." JUST COME OUT AND SAY THAT HE GOT NAILED IN THE 
