Perpetually Exhausted

[custard]

been sober for just over a year now. this includes a few relapses, but other than that long term sober for first time in years.

this has been the hardest year(s) of my life. it's been a long, slow, painful journey of trial and error in trying to find the right job that works for me after my brain changed significantly after quitting drugs. after about a year i have finally realized that working as a cleaner is best for me. as an extremely sensitive and easily overwhelmed person, i like and need the solitude, natural lighting, quiet and simplicity of the job.

so now i am working as a cleaner. currently i have too many clients but i am in the process of trying some out and things should settle down soon enough. things are really hard though because i am so freaking tired. since initially quitting in january 2015, i've been in a constant state of anxiety and stress, unable to stop obsessing, worrying, tensing up.. feel like my adrenals have been shot for a long time now. i also have insomnia and never feel rested. i am making progress and it's very good i've finally found the right job - but it's very tough doing all this physical labour when i am so completely exhausted. i worry i don't have enough time to clean in the allotted time because i am so tired i move slowly. i like to clean mindfully and at an even pace so as not be stressed, but i am hoping that part of my very slow pace is due to my extreme lack of energy. even going for a simple 4k bike ride lately feels mountainous. usually this would be easy for me. i am working 5 days a week which i know is too much for me so i'm hoping that when i cut down i will have a bit more energy - not used to 5 days in a row of physical labour.

i guess i am afraid it will always be this hard.. but i am also the most exhausted i have ever, ever been. today i biked 8k and cleaned for 4 hours. nothing extreme. but when i came home i just completely passed out after the end of this week. i am really hoping all the mental stress i have been going through is a big part of why my body is kaput. and doing full-time physical labour is also too much so i hope when i cut back to 3 or 4 days a week it will be easier. i hope i will get stronger. i never used to be this drained. and i don't want the only job that truly works for me to be so taxing. i guess i am just looking for some reassurance.. wondering if anyone has been or is in a similar boat. hoping it gets better.. easier...

 

[placid space]

Id get blood work done, there could be many reason for it. How about food, do you eat enough and healthy, spread out throughout the day? And not one big heavy meal before going out. That can easily put you out. Also if you constantly feel anxious and tense, you should start there. Either talk to someone, meditate, do sth about. If your mind is in a constant state of anxiety and stress that definitely takes a big toll on the physical body.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

This is my biggest fear. You didn't really mention which drugs you used. I don't feel like my mental acuity has diminished but I do feel like my personality isn't as outgoing as it used to be. I agree with the post above go to the Dr and make sure you are eating healthy.

 

[manboychef]

Were you an IV user? Chronic hep c will actually cause fatigue and malaise. I used to work every day all day, and now I am exhausted after two hours of light yard work.

If you have not gotten tested I would highly suggest it. Also taking B complex vitamins in the morning will help regulate your energy levels.

 

[cyberius]

I'm right there with you, I feel exactly as you do right now. It's hard as fuck coming back but I'm sure this will pass one day, for both of us. Stay strong friend.

 

[Jabberwocky]

We have to be very careful with our bodies in early recovery, and just life more generally. I'm glad to hear you're listening to your body OP. Maybe you can work fewer hours, as you seem a little overwhelmed with work. If it is feasible financially and you can get away with it, think about give it a try. A lot of people work part time before transitioning back to full time work after getting sober.