Permanent damage from anti psychotics???

[Nicolantana]

Hi folks,

I'm new here so feel free to re direct me! I currently have what I believe is severe anhedonia. This came on me when I was given anti psyhotics and has lasted ever since...

Please don't suggest reinstatement as I have improved without meds.
Also, I'm aware of the suggested supplements and all the usual links so no need for links unless it's not one of the usual ones, cheers!
I'm aware of brain re modelling, windows and waves etc!....Finally, my condition is not linked to a mental illness but rather the meds....so that suggestion would also be shot down!

so here we are. Last July I had a mild bout of depression. To put things in perspective, in May I was training for a marathon, on an enjoyable holiday in Amsterdam, on some good dates, working 9-5, socialising....living a pretty decent life. A few situational factors came together to send me downhill a little (and don't worry, I have worked/am working on the solutions/psychology factors here to avoid a repeat)

Anyway, during this downturn, I went to the doctor who suggested lexapro 10. The first night I took this I vomited everywhere and lost control of my body (tried to get back into bed one occasion, collapsed against bed, left nose pumping blood)

Lexapro did not go down well. a couple of days later, doc gave me seroquel 25 'to balance out things'. Within a day of this my hands were shaking and I felt worse than ever, I could not sleep. I seemed to lose all emotion and thoughts apart from feeling suicidal.
So I spent a few days feeling suicidal before being admitted to hospital. In hosptial, I complained of stomach problems and lack of emotion primarily. The docs thought I was delusional and pumped me full of meds,,,,,zyprexa 20, seroquel 250, mirtazapine 30, lexapro 10......I was on this combination from mid august until the end of November....

while on these meds, I felt absolutely nothing. No emotion whatsoever. My cognitive function was also severely impaired. I seemed to be stuck in the present moment...no memory, anticipation, creativity, imagination, visualization, etc....

By November I had realised that the meds destroyed/were destroying me. I demanded a reduction. The doc immediately cold turkeyed mirtazpine, halfed the rest. I was off all drugs by christmas day, partially my own doing. I know that this is an outrageous taper, equivalent to a cold turkey.

However, I'm definitely better without the meds, however marginal.
A week after going off the meds I cried for the first time since early july. a few days later I laughed for the first time since july.
In the last seven weeks, I've had maybe 7 or 8 moments of strong emotion. a couple of hours where i was sad/angry (naturally)
and a few hours of laughter, real enjoyment etc...

also, I've had very brief moments where I could read, watch tv walk in nature and actually connect with these activities...(I do these things most days but 99% of the time I'm not engaged)

So I have a tiny bit of life in me as opposed to NOTHING on meds.

But the the amount of times where I've felt strong emotion and/or high levels of engagement would add up to about 24 hours I'd guess. So that's 24 hours of life in the last 8 months!!! but those 24 hours have come in the last eight weeks since going off meds so I know there are fragments of hope....

Thoughts/suggestions...??

Is it possible to be permanently damaged?? Anyone experiencing similar situations?? success stories???

having read other stories that mix I was on...olanzapine, seroquel, lexapro, mirtazapine sounds fairly outrageous

Thanks in Advance,

Nick

 

[Nicolantana]

not a place for anti psychotic recovery then?

 

[someguyoz]

I was on Prozac for about 2 weeks and it surgically excised every human feeling I had. I felt like an alien just observing humanity from the outside...and alas my mother had a bad shock that week and the only thing I could do was (awkwardly) hold her, thinking "There, there little human"

After that I realised I'd rather be depressed compared to having no feelings whatsoever for another human being, particularly my Mum.

So I reckon it should all rebalance eventually...I wasn't on it long and only a starting dose compared to you so just be patient - you should come good in the end.