aokorn
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2023
- Messages
- 79
Utter Hell, and made so much moreso by the fact that I was not the insane one.
I don't know your case, but I can speak for myself.
I have already talked elsewhere on this forum about my then (first) psychosis possibly being indicated by smoking weed. But that doesn't even change the fact that I was in psychiatry. My psychiatrist knew about my drug episode because I told her. It did not change the course or the way I was treated. The hospital I was in was a mixed hospital, with alcohol addicts, murderers, juvenile offenders, drug addicts and all sorts of people like that. Alcohol addicts had their own ward, and we met in the corridors and there was a common dining room. Because of the proximity to the alcoholics, I noticed how they were treated. They had to learn (life) from scripts and templates that they had to memorize. And at the end they had exams. If you passed certain exams, you could go home to 'exit'.
We 'psychotics', unlike the 'alcoholics', didn't have exams. Every day we had a 'group' where we talked about all sorts of (life) things. There was a psychiatrist, a psychologist, some of the staff and of course all the patients. Sometimes in these groups we didn't hear a word in two hours. This fact, of course, was also a clear sign to the staff about the condition of the patients. For myself, I have to say that I did not take these 'silences' very well. I therefore liked to take the floor and stir up controversy. This, of course, did not escape the staff.
Alcoholics always looked down on us psychotics. If there are a lot of alcoholics, that's not unusual (in society). Being 'crazy' is something to be rejected.
In a way, of course, alcoholics had it easier. If you were driven, you learned the stuff and succeeded. You succeeded in hospital, but of course there was the introduction to 'friends' and of course family and work (if you had one). We psychotics, however, had no 'pattern' to follow. It was also much more subjective when the staff, especially the psychiatrist, decided that you were 'well' and could go home. There were a lot of us who had been in hospital for years. Someone, as far as I know, had been there for ten years or something like that. Everyone was left to their own devices, so to speak, to do as they knew how, there was no guidance on how to live 'properly' and of course there never will be. So everyone was looking for a 'needle in a haystack'.
But some succeeded relatively quickly, as I said, I was there for the first time for four months.
So the sooner you accept that with your thinking and lifestyle (especially in relation to your surroundings), the sooner you are forgiven and can put your 'findings' into practice. Analogous to this, alcoholics are taught that they have to accept that they have a problem with alcohol, that is, that they are alcoholics, and that this is not the right way to go. Because the environment (family) suffers because of it.