☮ Social ☮ PD Social Tripping Thread: Tripping Past 2020

[Cream Gravy?]

These were basically people in their late teens/early 20s, many of them only having tried psychedelics recently, and still in that ‘honeymoon’ phase. They thought we were gonna recreate the summer of love, start a revolution, etc. all very far fetched in hindsight but it was easy to get roped in.

Oh man does that bring back memories of my late teens lol... I really thought LSD would change the world.

I had to deal with someone having a breakdown on acid once. I recall he wasn't actually having a breakdown, but everyone around us was sober and had no experience tripping so they had a misconception that the guy was wigging out, and to me he was just... well, tripping balls. Acted weird but who doesn't on acid?

Anyways, long story short, I only trip alone or with trusted friends now. My adventurous days are behind me. Personally, I find it easier to avoid 'negative' experiences when I'm alone, as no one is there to tell you you're acting funny, or pick music you dislike, etc. Whether or not you're having a 'bad' trip can be entirely subjective and it sounds like you fell prey to what my younger peer did in the prior situation; if he had been alone or just the two of us, no one would have told him he was having a 'breakdown' and he never would have thought he was. Social experiences can be the very core of the negative aspect of tripping, so it's important to keep that in mind.

I had a breakdown on 750ug AL-LAD about three years ago now. There was a tornado touching down nearby and my wife wasn't home, I thought she would get sucked up by the tornado. Well, after running between windows with my cat sprinting behind me, frantically trying to call my wife and see if she was okay, I finally took a 10mg diazepam and within five minutes I was cool as a cucumber. BZDs are great at killing anxiety on acid, and even killing the trip entirely if you dose enough. The 10mg diazepam was just enough to knock me back onto the couch without ending the trip, so basically I was couch-locked while the ceiling melted apart, and I had not a care in the world. The tornado went away and my wife came home safely, to find me stuck on the couch with not much to say lol

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah benzos are fantastic for when you are having an out of control anxiety attack on psychedelics. I had a massive panic attack at a festival once on a LOT of psychedelics after I witnessed a really uncomfortable show (where the artist was cussing out the audience and the sound people). I took 2mg of etizolam and 20 minutes later I was back to having the time of my life, proceeded to have one of the most euphoric and memorable trips I've had. But for a time I was wishing I was dead.

 

[Img_9999]

Last night I dreamt that my cousin sent me a PM here on bluelight. I was so paranoid thinking "How the hell did she found out it was me posting on bluelight !? Did I accidentally post something linking my handle with my real name ????". I went to met her and ask her about it, but she only wanted to talk about how she got addicted to 2C-P (wtf ?), and another psychedelic that she said she couldn't remember the name, but described the molecular structure as having the "shape of a hamburger".

One of the most absurd dreams I've had in a while, LOL

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

I've also been having crazy dreams since Seroquel. Almost always involving me in some grand game or scheme that I need to escape from, often involving superpowers and people wanting to kill me.

I wake up in a huge puddle of sweat so many times a week, it's literally like I wet my bed. The times I've changed my sheets in the middle of the night....
Don't know what causes it, I think it's mainly the Seroquel that is notorious for causing bizarre dreams, which in turn makes me anxious and thus sweaty. I guess.

 

[Xorkoth]

Do you find those dreams stressful or shitty? Fr me, I never seem to have actually "bad" dreams, even when they're kinda scary, it's more like exhilarating, and I wake up marveling at how vivid and cool they were. Seems like a nice side effect of Seroquel, but I guess it all depends on whether they're unpleasant to experience or not. The night sweats though, I absolutely hate those. Waking up in a puddle of sweat feels so nasty.

Since I have been struggling with opiates I barely ever remember my dreams, I really am looking forward to getting back to having vivid dreams. One of the absolute best parts of my ibogaine flood dose (which I realized was almost 8 years ago now, what the fuck) was that for years, my dreams were so vivid, fantastical, magical even. Almost every night.

Last night I dreamt that my cousin sent me a PM here on bluelight. I was so paranoid thinking "How the hell did she found out it was me posting on bluelight !? Did I accidentally post something linking my handle with my real name ????". I went to met her and ask her about it, but she only wanted to talk about how she got addicted to 2C-P (wtf ?), and another psychedelic that she said she couldn't remember the name, but described the molecular structure as having the "shape of a hamburger".

One of the most absurd dreams I've had in a while, LOL

haha oh my god that cracks me up

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Do you find those dreams stressful or shitty? Fr me, I never seem to have actually "bad" dreams, even when they're kinda scary, it's more like exhilarating, and I wake up marveling at how vivid and cool they were. Seems like a nice side effect of Seroquel, but I guess it all depends on whether they're unpleasant to experience or not. The night sweats though, I absolutely hate those. Waking up in a puddle of sweat feels so nasty.

No it never really affects me either, it's just so absurd every time that I kind of enjoy it as well. I don't mind.
I've been getting more to terms with how Seroquel affects me, it definitely outweighs the negatives. I'm deep in the bulk though I'm sincerely hoping I'll be able to lose the fat quite easily.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Did a whole bunch of threads get removed or something? I had like 3200 posts, it's back down to 2400 right now.
Post/like ratio on point now though credibility skyrocketing

 

[Xorkoth]

Hmm... I don't know. I accidentally unapproved the whole first page of threads yesterday but I restored them right away. I will check to sweet if I accidentally unapproved a bunch more but I checked the second page and it was unaffected...

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey kaleida, how've you been?

 

[Kaleida]

Oh just wonderful, thanks for asking. Went on a bit of a ride again after my last trip (an experiment to test if I could take tryptamines as readily as phenethylamines without going crazy, for now let's call that a... maybe). Took me a bit of looping to get through but that's okay, I'm getting used to it. I enjoy exposing the secrets of the gods who don't realize I'm too kinky to punish.

How've you been?

 

[Xorkoth]

Not too great, I am living with someone (my girlfriend) who is insanely paranoid to the point of hypochondria about COVID (specifically, long covid, she thinks 25% of people get debilitating long covid even when asymptomatic because of some article she read that she's latched onto), and it's semi ruining my life for the moment. Massive anxiety at home every day and she is constantly trying to get me to isolate at home "until case counts go down", despite the fact that we're both vaccinated and boosted. She'll seem to be getting a little better and then spin out all over again. It's a battle every time I want to go to band practice. We got asked to open for a bigger band than us at a show next Friday and she is outraged and we haven't talked about it again but I'm doing it, but not looking forward to the conflict. It's like half 0f all she will talk about, is how irresponsible everyone is for not shutting everything down. She has nightmares every night (she just told me) about getting covid, and that it's inevitable. Which it is. I am really nervous about this just happening perpetually, since it's clearly just an endemic disease now.

It's gotten so bad, along with a few other things, that I am fantasizing about breaking up with her, but I don't want this issue, which is causing her a lot of stress and fear, even if it's misplaced, to be the reason for it. I'm trying to come off kratom again (I had a whole thing, decided to order some poppy pods, got super addicted, went to suboxone, now back to kratom, trying to get off), too, so lately it feels like all there is is stress and anxiety for me, I've been in semi-withdrawal for like a month, month and a half.

But life is ups and downs... I don't want to abandon her and I love her, even if right now I am extremely over what is happening. I know she is scared, she's not being like this to hurt me, but no one seems to be able to talk her out of feeling this way. I feel like she's making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

[Kaleida]

Oof, that's rough and I'm sorry. Unfortunately I can't say I don't kind of get that, I had an unbelievably massive amount of anxiety about COVID when the pandemic started too. If I'm being frank the main reason it went away is because I went insane and stopped believing the pandemic was real rather than an excuse to keep me at home so that I didn't start the apocalypse, then I kind of just had to remember it was real and it's never really felt the same since then. I hope that there are other solutions that would work effectively to help that too though, heh.... These days I try to tell myself at least we're not living through the black plague. If we're lucky COVID will continue the progression that omicron went on and become even more and more like a common cold over time and eventually, hopefully, basically not be much worse than that. But, that being said, I can't pretend I've left the house any time lately. That also being said, it had been months since I left the house when the pandemic started....

Honestly you'd probably have a tough time about it living with me right now too, but ultimately you've got to decide how you want to live your own life and there's clearly no easy singular solution for what to do right now or what to expect for the future. I never believed omicron would be the end of the pandemic and I don't believe the next one will either. It certainly makes me appreciate a lot more things about life pre-pandemic than I used to. I don't know what to suggest with respect to the status of your relationship (nor would want to accidentally negatively influence anything in such an uncertain situation anyway) but I do hope you both find some peace with it soon, it would be a shame for you both to come this far just for COVID to get in the way, although sadly it'd be far from unheard of too. I don't suppose your girlfriend goes to therapy or anything?

Congrats on the show though, that's awesome. I hope you have a great time and stay safe and healthy.

I hope you get over your withdrawals soon too. I quit taking kratom on new year's eve (save for a single capsule to help me sleep through mania a few nights ago) and also quit drinking alcohol in I think around October and haven't touched it since. I can't say I was ever super deep into those addictions but I honestly feel so much better on the daily already.

 

[Xorkoth]

I don't suppose your girlfriend goes to therapy or anything?

No, she never makes it very far, it brings up too much pain for her and she seems unwilling to push past it. I mean ultimately I have told her I can't deal with this stuff forever and something has to change/improve over time, instead of progressively declining. I don't think she realizes how close to a breaking point I am though. We had a good talk recently about it but I didn't tell her that I have been considering whether I still want to be with her. If she was mean to me, ever, I'd already be done with it, but she isn't, and I feel protective of her and I have great affection and love for her, and we've been through a lot. I don't know what to do... I wasn't feeling this way before the pandemic, even though I was still frustrated by her seeming inability to take any steps to improve her situation.

 

[Kaleida]

That is unfortunate. I understand that resistance too, but at some point you have to make the decision to move forward, and I hope she can reach that point. Your feelings are understandable too, it's one thing to just be watching someone struggle and something else when their struggles are becoming a persistent detractor to your own life as well. It's good to be protective of others (whoever they are) but it's certainly by no means a duty that you have no right to ask for anything in return for. Again, I can't tell you what to do exactly, but I hope you figure it out soon, and her as well. We all deserve to break free of this stress in whatever ways it's getting to us.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

We had a good talk recently about it but I didn't tell her that I have been considering whether I still want to be with her.

Have you given thought to bringing this up with her? Perhaps if she knew just how close to breaking you with her hypochondriac type attitude she was it might help her get past that hump? I'm just freeballing here... I know with my wife, she bottles stuff up inside because she's scared it will hurt me, when in reality it's more painful for me to see she's upset and not know why. I'm a big proponent of honesty and straight-forward dialogue but I know that's hard for most people, especially women.

Perhaps if she knew just how deeply her paranoia is impacting you, she might be able to look at it more objectively? If even just because of shock?

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah maybe. It's a thought. It may have to come to that. Some days are better than others, but every time it really drains me. Maybe next time I will tell her that I can't keep dealing with this.

Today I feel pretty good... gabapentin day. Man that stuff is nice. Not as nice as pregabalin, but still really nice.

 

[JackARoe]

Gabapentin night for me too. It’s been nine days since my last gabapentin day. The stuff feels so nice. It’s odd, in the 90’s I had a friend scripted OxyContin as well as Neurontin. But all of us back then discarded the Neurontin has not worthy. Now it’s becoming its own league. Very subtle but deep down comfortability.

All relationships are hard, there is no right or wrong. I’m not even sure how much our own happiness factors in. I do know there’s no such thing as happily ever after. My wife is paranoid of Covid too but not enough to stop me from jamming with the friends every once in a while. But I see the hysteria too. One day at a time folks. There really is no right and wrong when it comes to staying or leaving in a relationship. You just make a decision and you make the decision that you just made the right decision. I think that’s how it works. My wife has said I would be perfectly fine single. And that could be true after 18 year of marriage. I have yet to see anybody fully happy, seems like everybody is struggling.

Hope everybody’s doing well.

 

[Vastness]

Aight y'all.

Sorry to hear of your recent difficulties Xorkoth, that's a tough situation for sure. Apologies if this has been discussed but, has your girlfriend considered online therapy? I won't mention any sites so as not to seem like Shilling or something I dunno, and I think it's possible she might need a little more help than some platforms are willing to provide... but I've personally found them very helpful. Actually - very is an overstatement. I've found them helpful, and they've provided a very easy route to therapy of some description when the alternative, honestly, was nothing.

Secondarily - have you considered going to therapy yourself, about these issues? I mean, this kind of stuff is what therapists are for. Like, actual counsellors. To talk through important stuff with a professionally neutral party.

Just to play devil's advocate, although I know you know this already, probably, I'm sure, while you feel like "she's making a mountain out of a molehill", she probably feels like you're making a molehill out of a mountain. Without commenting on the relative accuracy of either position, IMO asking for professional help couldn't hurt because you're obviously conflicted, not really sure what to do... it could be a good move. Like, it's OK to admit you don't know what the best move is, there's probably no right answer, but she doesn't need to be the one to seek professional help, necessarily. Sometimes the person who is capable of seeking some kind of professional intervention, without any expectation of effort from the other, needs to be the one to do (I mean, maybe she does need to be the one to seek help - again, I don't know enough about the situation, just chiming in with my 2c throwing shit at the wall, so to speak, I hope I haven't overstepped in any way and that my comments are taken in good faith).

Wish you all the best coming to some kind of resolution.

All the best also, to the rest of you.

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey Vastness, nice to see you around. I have kind of thinking I could use some therapy ever since my dad died, honestly. Probably something to consider.

 

[AutoTripper]

Gabapentin night for me too. It’s been nine days since my last gabapentin day. The stuff feels so nice. It’s odd, in the 90’s I had a friend scripted OxyContin as well as Neurontin. But all of us back then discarded the Neurontin has not worthy. Now it’s becoming its own league. Very subtle but deep down comfortability.

All relationships are hard, there is no right or wrong. I’m not even sure how much our own happiness factors in. I do know there’s no such thing as happily ever after. My wife is paranoid of Covid too but not enough to stop me from jamming with the friends every once in a while. But I see the hysteria too. One day at a time folks. There really is no right and wrong when it comes to staying or leaving in a relationship. You just make a decision and you make the decision that you just made the right decision. I think that’s how it works. My wife has said I would be perfectly fine single. And that could be true after 18 year of marriage. I have yet to see anybody fully happy, seems like everybody is struggling.

Hope everybody’s doing well.

William Blake was class. Used to parade nude with wife a a norm, in own back garden.

He had visions that man. I think he was though quite happy, collected, unlike tormented Van Gogh, and very enlightened.

"I labour upward into futurity" he prophetically said. His vision, thinking was too novel for the quo, at large.

His poetry only shone after his time. iirc, was 1997 schooling now.

And he understood this fully. And was at peace doing his work.

No frustration the world did not understand him. He understood him.

So on happines. The whole happily ever after thing.

As a 5/6 yr old school dinners, I would eat the things I didn't like quickly first. i.e. greens.

And save the best. Get the bad bit out of the way.

Indeed everybody is struggling. Nobody in a right mind, should really be genuinely happy I feel, as we are a connected consciousness.

But it's this reality though. I'm counting on happy ever after. In some way, where.

This is the grind. The greens lol.

Things were not always exactly this way, here. (Terrain) They won't be forever.

Who knows what they were like long ago, and how they will be.


Discalimer. I jotted this out 1.5 hrs ago. Considered I'm still skyed on LSD after 18 trips in 5 days, no sleep, and still pain and depletion driving my impulses.

But it comes from within. I work hard in life. I don't believe it's always going to be this way.

This is a dark age of learning, vanquish and suffering.

But I believe we will move on.

I don't expect to be in utopia, now, yet.

I expect this really. Except it has been beyond brutal of late. But, made me stronger.

Tested, to the bone. The mind prevails yet. Shows me the near infinite resilience in me.

I could be nearing an astonishing long plotted healing too.


So I eat my greens now. Because later, I'm working to materialise a virtual utopia.

I think extraordinarily positive changes are coming for us all who live on.


Got some Solomon Headhunter kava now. Kava so good for the mental trauma of extreme pain.

It enables the mind to detach from the despair of it. It's got me through everything, just a bit further.