Woah that's some serious life event stuff right there! Hopefully the ibogaine will work well. They are doing trials of mc-18 in Brazil right now, and next year they should have trials in the US. I'm really hoping there's a better a3b4 antagonist people can get legal access to than dxm. I've got a few friends struggling with real nasty opiate addictions, and one that just recently passed
I don't know if I'm going to post much or make like a big return or anything, I don't really do much besides toke occasionally now. I've learned a lot about people and life in the past few years, and the last time I tripped I was with friends that I trusted, but wound up having a horrible trip that really brought out some anxiety problems and ADHD. I think I've had them for a while because of situations growing up and my mom eating black beauties when she was younger than I am now. Bodies adapt, we are the masters of our genes.
I dissapeared a while back for a variety of reasons. Back in 09 I went completely sober from everything for a while, and again in 2012 after that nasty trip. Quit smoking cigs for a whole year! Started again in Nov though
when you go sober you just completely remove yourself from the people and patterns or you wind up with a fissure in the dam.
another reason was focusing on school, I didn't even think about bl for a while. Gots me two degrees now, but their b.s., the higher education system is a little screwed up. Hopefully academia and research will become something more productive and open rather than scientists at each others necks over funding in their little niche field.
it all makes me want to just be a gym teacher/ nutrition teacher and just live a simple life preventing diseases and getting people active in their physical communities. Any of you bluelighters hear of blue zones?
I guess the ultimate reason I left was because of the culture changes as I was growing up. Back in the height of my bl days no one I knew was into psychedelics. There wasn't a lot of good psychedelic art like android Jones status (or at least it wasn't popular) and I had to turn to the net for the community.
as I got older I learned many things and began to see a lot of the hypocrisy and emptiness behind the scene, and a lot of people using psychs for ulterior motives, making money, influencing people, and losing touch with what mind manifesting is really about. Its a culture just like any other, but with some major drawbacks that can have devastating long term impacts for those that don't "hang up the phone" as they say. Not just from polydrug abuse, but the human and sociological elements behind it as well. There are too many factors to consider to advocate things from a perspective utilizing scientific research, and my own experiences have led me to conclusions I've made long ago.
now psychedelic culture is huge and people misprecieve novelty. Remixes of remixes are on the air. With no way of explaining the past to the young to any effect its kind of made me resentful of much of the attitude in the festie scene. Now even going to parties just gives me panic attacks I drink away into meta sarcastic fractal absurdity of conversation and fake smiles.
I know the things that make life good, maybe I will stick around and occasionally post some good advice. It would have been cool to see the whole 25i scene blow up from online and not in my city and state. I'm glad I was out of the "hey guys lets get a fuckton of drugs" mindstate when that stuff was hitting the streets. had an old friend go through a psychotic break and wind up stabbing his step dad. Another friend got a squirt of a solution containing some 25i and wound up with multiple organ failure. Thankfully he pulled through. If only someone would have known to shoot him up full of trazadone that horrible experience might have gone better.
And the whole fake molly scene getting huge. Had a friend that turned junkie and wound up shooting up a bunch of mdxx and dying. Been almost four years now. Then you know people in different stratifications of the market and it just pisses you off with no way of communicating the mix of intentions and experiences and the feelings observing so much pointless bullshit. And everyone has to sound like a damn genius about it and get decked out in all the attire i used to wish existed. To look from an outside perspective at things i used to think would be pretty rad i feel like a fool, and when i recall where my mind was, there's no way to explain certain things to people that don't want to hear it, but claim to be all enlightened. I guess I just forgot about the online community after experiencing the reblooming of psychedelic culture and entactogens from the perspective of someone that used to introduce people to their first pd experiences. When people start talking at me about things that I've got a great deal of wisdom about I just kind of die a little inside and hope them the best.
I've had a lot of extremely draining friendships and relationships and life experiences that i can't begin to explain the intricacies of to kids (so they can avoid downright horrific shit) and how it relates to drug use. Ive also got an education that has left me with a deep understanding of how delicate the gene circuits in physiology are, and the implications of various alterations and the effect it has on epigenetics in certain cells that have downstream effects that ultimately result in systemic changes that bounce around like waves in a kiddy pool. My use of psychedelics has had an impact on my perspective while gaining an education that i consider quite useful. But my attention and focus are shot. Its very easy to get overwhelmed. I just wish we could teach kids how delicate their minds are, especially while still developing. If i could go back and not do drugs until i was in my mid 20s I would have i think. I would be a much more well adjusted socially stable person, with more deeply meaningful relationships with people and more fulfilling social interactions. Love and trust and friendship and communication and the way and stories of how it all comes about to make you who you are is the most beautifully psychedelic thing there is, and i see people experience that with better outcomes than i see in people altering their neurochemistry intentionally. There's a very narcissistic side to drugs i don't think many people realize. Having good intentions and caring for those around you should never have to compromise "a good time". It makes me glad blue light exists to help in harm reduction, and i really wish more people knew about these forums from a younger age.
I would probably be dead if it wasn't for things i learned on here (and I've almost wound up dead for ignoring simple things I've learned on here...i would write a trip report if i knew what exactly i was on. it felt like a cross between coke and mama for like an hour and a half, smelt like mushrooms, burned like hell, and had a nasty crash that kept me awake and left me ischemic for 24 hours, but that's another story... Crazy to think its been like 3 years since then).
still in central Florida. How've you been?! How are all the other old handles doing?!
It truly is the king of it's kingdom....I haven't dropped in a coupla years, but once I've sorted out the shit sty I am in, it will most certainly have a welcome place in my synapses...