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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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Yeah, great vibes coming from that post! It's not often that a post on the internet gives me a genuine smile, the optimism is refreshing :D

And 2013 seems to be a year of change indeed, finally some professionals are going to take a deeper look at me to see what's exactly wrong, because a "simple" depression this is not. That may not sound all that positive, but I really feel I'm gonna beat this thing or learn to live with it depending on the results. Some sort of intelligence test tomorrow, hopefully I'm not going to turn out to be a complete dumbass =D
 
Haven't had internet at the new place, I blame my cheapass wireless antenna. It makes me feel kinda dumb, I'm so used to be able to look up anything and everything on a whim, and suddenly I'm confined to only what I can remember and the books I have on hand. I now realize that I've been neglecting non-fiction/useful reading. Overall though, being unconnected is surprisingly painless.

I see we've had a bunch of cool old people visit in my absence. Good to see y'all are doing well, may have something interesting to report in the next couple of weeks.
 
Cheers to the betterment of mankind in the year 2013 =D

Good news from all the people I haven't heard from in a while is fucking awesome and I swear its almost every time open this thread I get a solid dose of some.

One person whom I really wish would come back and post some retrospective wisdom is Xorkoth, not that I even posted in any threads with him I just think he's the man haha.

good luck to ya Kidklmx, and for what it's worth I had the worst depression of my whole life last year after overdoing (unbeknownst to me at the time) too many 5ht2a full agonists, and a few months of sobriety and therapy (shitty court ordered rehab group therapy too) later I felt really great actually and it helped me uncover many of the reasons why I was ever depressed in my life in the first place.

Now I have a beautiful petite little blonde girlfriend who treats me like a king most of the time and I truly feel like one of the luckiest souls on this earth to have live the life i've lived thus far. Life is beautiful <3

Trans dimensional hyperspace dwellers do it right %)

https://soundcloud.com/mr_carmack/just-wait-till-tomorrow

^^grace your ears with that^^
 
Took some plain old speed after, maybe 10 years since last...I must admit I quite like it. Having used mostly various RC stims the last years plain old amphetamine feels remarkably clean and functional, euphoric but not too much to distract me.

Lately I've been mostly experiencing with various benzos, and especially Flubromazepam is dope. Being almost as potently anxiolytic as alprazolam, but relaxing like diazepam, and long-lasting. The only benzo I've got euphoria from besides Etizolam.

I'm really starting to feel mentally prepared for a psychedelic trip. I'm more than aware of the forum rules, and by now I think you know I don't come here asking for what to take (I have my fair share of experiences with various psychedelics, especially tryptamines). However, what kind of properties from a psychedelic would be desirable in your opinion, after a long break? 4-AcO-DMT is my favourite, but seems a bit like a too obvious and safe choice. DMT and 5-MeO-DMT are too earth-shattering for now. I'm thinking about 4-HO-MiPT; visually astonishing, however mentally it leaves some to be desired. Shrooms? How didn't I think of shrooms? A return to mother earth, a reunion with Gaia? After all stims that's maybe what I need.
 
SONN said:
One person whom I really wish would come back and post some retrospective wisdom is Xorkoth, not that I even posted in any threads with him I just think he's the man haha.
Click to expand...
yep. he influenced my reception of a few substances quite a bit. I've heard he's completely out of the scene though...


Cyanoide, I'm in a similar position. after coming back from my marvellous summer occupation I pretty much fell into the junkie-lifestyle stumbling from one dirty high into the next. 2-f(m)a [both of those are just a little too decent], alc, benzos, ketamine, MXE, thc. uargh. took 2 weeks for full on autumn-depression and another 2 weeks of suffering (oh there was a nice 15mg (ir) aMT-experience on an art exhibition in between). now I got a cold, chill the fuck out for the first time in months and am COMPLETELY SOBER - as in: not even coffee, no nootropics (besides jiaogulan-tea. too healthy. doesn't count.).
actually this is the second time in my life that I'm consciously doing this. it's day 4 and I don't even miss anything. on the other hand I do not feel as mentally healthy as I expected. well, I still have a cold...
I admit part of my motivation comes from my plan to end this shithole-phase and fasting with a nice trip. I too consider 4-aco-dmt, that I haven't touched in years, 4-ho-mipt, that I've never touched but wanted for quite some time or 6-apb, that I only enjoyed one time this year, in spring - I like this stuff so much that I don't dare taking it in fear of "wasting" the rare opportunity for full on serotonergic healing/euphoria with a sub-standard setting...
will go solo, so it's probably gonna be one of the tryptamines - or is 6-apb worthwhile for a solo-trip?!...aMT is unbearable alone imo.

I guess 4-ho-mipt wins for its novelty value. you got XP with that one cyanoide? iirc it's more potent than comparable tryps. along the lines of 15-20mg for +++. gotta do some research...


a 6-apb+4-aco-dmt combo is also on my list. but I wouldn't want to do that alone. has to be spectacular. :D

-

some music for PD:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69Fjoo9Rkx4 (techno-gem for the hifi-nerds)

http://soundcloud.com/micrologue/06-10-13-micrologue-vs (very good melodic techno from germany)



regarding the PD music-project: just today I got new strings for the e-guitar and repaired the power adapter for the effects unit (lent it to a befriended chick and got it back broken. :\ ). I have no clue how to get the sound into digital form though...tips/ideas?
have almost exclusively been playing classical guitar (capable to provide warm 'beach sounds' btw) for the last 2 years. and didn't play at all the 10 years prior. 8)

psychdelic guitar afficionados will love this:


and also their prior work:
 
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Whats going on PD? :)

Did a great deal of MXE this week, but ran out; had nightmares this night / morning that were not easily shaken upon awakening and prompted me to take half the xanax that I've been sitting on for more than a year. Doing well now, enjoying that Max Cooper - I was not familiar with this rather minimal technoish set but have enjoyed a lot of his work on soundcloud for a while now including very recently. In a bit I will continue working on a sonatine piece for piano that sounds like it is from around Beethoven's days and I plan on continuing with Ableton to learn a few new tricks to put up my sleeve. There is an awesome and inspiring bit from the artist Hecq on producing music with Ableton that I watched for the second time last night that I would recommend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ThUpt1ggHo
I absolutely love his work under the moniker of his real name: Ben Lukas Boysen, especially the new album Gravity.

There are tests going on to check different kinds of ability / competence / intelligence, like an IQ test but much broader... and I am pretty satisfied with the first half that I did yesterday, despite the dissociatives. Shame if it isn't entirely on par but I definitely trust that my competence profile was not disturbed too much actually. It's part of studies that should help me to start jobs again, avoiding the things I am horrible at but hopefully making use of the things I excell at. My profile is probably much more 'all over the place' than that of other people which was of course why it was necessary to do the tests in the first place.

I also really dig the artist Generate by the way, check out his sound cloud. I think this is pretty great:
https://soundcloud.com/generate/loyu-blinded-generate-remix
https://soundcloud.com/emika/generate-rework

and this kind of stuff is also definitely interesting:
https://soundcloud.com/generate/roel-funcken-deer-generate
https://soundcloud.com/generate/gnossiennes-reinterpretation
 
Xorkoth is a good friend of mine. We hang out pretty regularly. He had to separate himself from BL and similar sites because it was causing problems in his personal life. He also doesn't trip a lot these days, which happens to a lot of us as we get a little older. He's mostly focusing in his art, in fact I have Xorkoth original on my wall.
I did have a good trip with him this past summer when we went camping at the beach. We had a small dose of mushrooms followed by some MDMA at the tail end one day. And we had some DOC the following day. Surprisingly I had a more powerful trip the 2nd day from DOC. In fact that trip gave me a renewed interest in DOC, which before this always gave me too much bodyload. And we smoked DMT through out the whole time we were at the beach, which was 5 days.
Relating back to Cyanoides post, this was my first trip on a 5ht psych in around 2 years except for a hand full of smoked DMT trips in the couple months prior to this. I was actually using the DMT to prepare myself for the longer lasting psychs I was planing on taking in the near future, mainly mushrooms, which I had chosen as the psychedelic to reintroduce myself with. I used 2.2 grams and ended up wishing I had taken more, that's why I took MDMA to supplement later on as well as several DMT blasts.
 
nice music in the last couple of posts...

it's quite amazing really that apparently 50% of my current music (so far) has been discovered via PD....

i dont trust IQ tests for some reason.
ive also seen a number of various personality questionnaires and they always seem too artificial somehow. i do get they have their uses, but the results must be taken with a grain of salt to say the least.

or maybe im just envious, i never scored too high on iq tests.

glad to hear about Xorkoth, thanks for keeping us up to date on him. when i first joined he was one guy i constantly looked up to for advice and whatnot regarding the chems i was curious about, even if i never chatted to him or anything, it still feels nice to know he s doing fine. speaking fo which id be curious what some of his art looks like :) apparenly theres plenty of artsy type people on PD nowadays...
 
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Max Cooper is pretty great, he's playing at ADE this Saturday

SONN said:
good luck to ya Kidklmx, and for what it's worth I had the worst depression of my whole life last year after overdoing (unbeknownst to me at the time) too many 5ht2a full agonists, and a few months of sobriety and therapy (shitty court ordered rehab group therapy too) later I felt really great actually and it helped me uncover many of the reasons why I was ever depressed in my life in the first place.

Now I have a beautiful petite little blonde girlfriend who treats me like a king most of the time and I truly feel like one of the luckiest souls on this earth to have live the life i've lived thus far. Life is beautiful <3

Trans dimensional hyperspace dwellers do it right %)
Click to expand...

Yeah thanks, had a bit of a stint with the NBOMes for their stim properties and while I did feel really "out if it" during the time, it didn't really have an effect on how I feel. I think my issue is rooted way deeper in to maybe my personality or something like that. The current hypothesis is autism, though I've been through a bunch of labels the past month so I'm not sure that's it. The thing that killed my mood the most, though, has been MDMA. It gives me a real kick of depression afterwards, possibly because of redosing, and since the last time I did it (June, maybe) I never really got over it. Not that I have any regrets over the experience, it made me realize that the girl I love the most has been right in front of me, but still.

At any rate though, it all has to do with me being stuck somewhere and I'm getting down to the root of it, and that makes me hopeful. =D

And you do have an exquisite taste, with Mr. Carmack. You should check out this if you're into that sound. Or anything from the Soulection label, really
 
That post really resonates with me kid, in my case the preliminary interview / intake type tests already makes them very confident that I am in that spectrum... it just has gone unnoticed for a long time, or better said problems I encountered were blamed on other stuff looking more directly at symptoms such as bipolar swinging from uppers and downers. Also when analytical or rational sort of intelligence (in the more classical way) is used to compensate for different inabilities it can seem like quite the mystery.
But compensating a lot can cost huge amounts of energy, and trying to keep that up apparently caused me to crash or be very independable periodically / chronically. There are some things I think I need to get a firm grip on before I trust trying stuff again, to try and make it all work indefinitely or at least as balanced as possible. And the hardest stuff, it is probably best to try and find ways to live and work that take those things into account.

I agree that intelligence tests (especially just an IQ score or solely the result of performal / analytical parts of the test) say very little and until now I only ever took a test as a qualification for Mensa - also a bit out of curiosity I admit. I thought that maybe Mensa could help as a support group to meet people with similar tendencies and also to get a network of people that might especially come in handy one day. I actually never even received an IQ score, just percentile scores.
The reason I took the tests now is rather to determine what things I am worst at, things that are very problematic for me in everyday life - impairing ability to function in society, socially and career-wise.

As you probably know, where things are going with the new DSM V... they don't want to spend a lot of time arguing whether a person has Asperger's or PDD-NOS or something like that but rather that one falls in the spectrum or not and there may be scores or numbers to indicate how 'bad' it is or in what way a person is most 'dysfunctional'.

MDMA and the one time I took 6-APB were detrimental for me as well, but probably even more so because I took so much in the summer of 2012. It is really incredible I didn't do more damage than I did, or got more chronic depression and things like that. Years of drug use in general fucked with regularities in my life such as sleep though, that is for sure it seems.

Cool EB that you are cultivating shrooms, I kinda abandoned my projects for a while now... among other reasons because in the place where I live most of the time I have limited space and I don't think it is reasonable to buy e.g. huge bags of perlite yet again since I already got a lot of that stuff stashed somewhere else. I'd rather only do those investments once. So my colonized pioppino jars are languishing and are probably stalled permanently. Got cultures of lion's mane and stuff like that in the fridge for a rainy day.
Anyway, it's nice to hear that you got things going, keep it up.
 
Solipsis said:
I agree that intelligence tests (especially just an IQ score or solely the result of performal / analytical parts of the test) say very little and until now I only ever took a test as a qualification for Mensa - also a bit out of curiosity I admit. I thought that maybe Mensa could help as a support group to meet people with similar tendencies and also to get a network of people that might especially come in handy one day. I actually never even received an IQ score, just percentile scores. The reason I took the tests now is rather to determine what things I am worst at, things that are very problematic for me in everyday life - impairing ability to function in society, socially and career-wise.
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percentiles can be (easily) linearly transformed into IQ-scores. "IQ" is just one scale of many.
the at least partly enlightened psychologists in the field of psychodiagnostics [I hereby admit I passionately despise this field] have stopped using general factor IQ anyway. especially in clinical context - for research the concept might be useful. diagnostics of performance is only useful when looking for profiles and means to compensate for deficiencies. the test you took sounds modern, do you know its name? ...I might be able to help you with the interpretation...
afaik you already know that you might be in the autistic spectrum. did you also take specific tests for that spectrum? it makes a huge difference... (I hope you visit a specialist btw!)
and just to clarify: the DSM will in no way help you to get proper "treatment"/interventions. the instrument is useful for research, health insurances and insecure psychiatrists - but when it comes to individual complex pathologies/syndromes it is useless.
clinical psychology is such a mess. :|


Solipsis said:
MDMA and the one time I took 6-APB were detrimental for me as well, but probably even more so because I took so much in the summer of 2012. It is really incredible I didn't do more damage than I did, or got more chronic depression and things like that. Years of drug use in general fucked with regularities in my life such as sleep though, that is for sure it seems.
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I'd be happy if you could elaborate this a bit as I'm interested in the curative potential of those substances. and autism spectrum disorders are one potential indication.
did you consume them with a therapeutic purpose or did you "abuse" [megadoses, redosing, more often than once every 2-3 months - abuse starts fast with those compounds and probably has more severe consequences than with any other class of psychoactives] them?
(I had one 6-apb-experience that changed my life/personality for the better and it never let me down in subsequent trials. without significant after effects - especially when compared to MDMA...)
 
Wait, we changed some of the subforum names? Cool, the new ones seem to have more utility.



My Old Room is New, or vice versa (guess who's been thinking about dissociatives)

White walls
falling into the ceiling
popcorn constellations
surging down
towards heaven
I balance on the corners
lost in gyroscopic tumbling
reaching for the floor
what horrors await
behind the curtains?
through the door?
Oh, to melt in to my bed!
To find timeless paradise
between quilt and mattress
a warm cotton infinity
drifting
bubbling fulfillment
waking in a moment
cast ashore
dazed
staring at
white walls
falling into the ceiling
 
“Every person that you meet knows something you don't; learn from them.” ― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Have a nice weekend, PD :)
 
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