Yesterday morning I got an email from my cute little lady friend, which I posted about, and I responded and told her about stuff, and about how I was having a down day the day before. She replied back late last night with a long email that was really sweet. She told me that if it helps, she's been thinking "way too much" about ways to make me feel really good. She's good at that.
I wish I could see her but I like this writing back and forth thing, it's kinda sweet. It's like, it's easy to feel close to someone when you're seeing them a lot and having sex, but if you still feel close when you're a whole large country apart and only able to write, that's something else. I still can't wait for her to get back though. We have this thing I think is really beautiful, no definition to it, it's just a pure thing that feels really comfortable and good, like what's the point of defining it? It is what it is and I'm happy with that.
I had a dream last night where I was outside in the beautiful sunlight, just soaking it up, getting more tan, feeling great. Then in her email this morning right when I woke up, she tells me I should try to get more sunlight so I can get more vitamin D. So many times she has contacted me at insanely key moments, or told me things I was just thinking, etc.
Fuck man...what are "friends" anyways?!? Just another means to an end!
Friends are people who care about you and who you care about, one of the most beautiful things in the world.
Sorry I couldn't talk longer last night, I just had to sleep, I was passing out.
Keep your head up, you know people on here care about you, it's the sadness talking.
Much love brother.
I love you guys. Seriously. I'm not even on drugs right now, well just a couple mgs of suboxone which is less than I am usually on. I feel ready to taper down to 2mgs. It'll be good for me, the less I take the more I can feel real love. Anyway yeah this forum is so great. I'm still in bed this morning after having some amazing dreams! Really clear and full of feeling and different things from normal. Anyway I keep getting off the point that this is the first thing I am doing on the internet this morning. I love reading everyone's posts, so much knowledge to learn from and sincerity to feel. A lot of you guys i feel like I'm really getting to know after reading so many posts over the past couple years, lots of respect to you all. We have a lot in common here where normally we find ourselves out of place or misunderstood.
I have to get out of bed, eat some oatmeal and get to work. Good morning/afternoon/evening!
Hey brother.
Nice to see you posting in the social, which is, of course, the best corner of the Internet. PD is a special forum indeed, I know of no other place like it. We worked hard to make it a loving and supportive community years back and since then it's just the way it is.
My 3 best friends in the town I live in are PD people. We knew each other for a few years on here before they moved here, and we've been hanging out all the time for anywhere from 4 and a half to 6 years since then. They're some of my best friends I have anywhere at this point. Amazing that we would have met on an Internet forum, I don't often even think of it anymore but it's true. I have no doubt that if other PD people lived here it would be like that too. I've met a couple of other PD people as well and they're my friends in real life too, it's just they don't live in town. One PDer who doesn't post here a lot anymore lives near where I'm from so when I go back to visit my family this holiday season we're going to meet up. Actually a few live around there (Chicago area) so hopefully we can meet sometime. And another lives where the company I work for is based, so next time I go there for training or whatever I'm sure we'll get together. I'm down to meet anyone from here, I've never had a bad experience doing that.
It's cool to have actual friends all around the country and the world who I know I could get together with if I ever go to those places.
It is intriguing and gratifying to think that we've actually all known each other for so long now
The majority of us seem to have gone through a shitload of thin, and seem to be edging towards a bit of thick. I don't know, perhaps this is all just perspective but I certainly feel that a lot of us have gone through some epic struggles with addiction, mental illness, general lifefuckery and, currently at least, seem to be emerging at last as beautiful butterflies. So, FWIW, I'm all for you and everyone sharing these moments
Yeah it's been a long time at this point. And we've been here for each other through troubles and good times. I love that, you guys are some of the people I talk to the most because every day I come on here and discuss and share feelings. It's very therapeutic and valuable to me so thanks to all.
I'm not sure where I'd be without it, there have been times where the thing I needed the most was a supportive community who I could talk to about the kinds of things I sometimes need to talk about, and I didn't have anyone in my life to talk about it with except on here.
I've really come a long way in 2014, I look back and it seems like 2 years since the winter ended. It amazes me how different my life is, and how much better. I literally wanted to die in late 2013, it was the worst year of my life. And now, such a short time later, I've had one of the best years of my life. And I don't know if that would have been true without this place. Hopefully that can be an inspiration to those currently struggling... life can always turn around, and it can happen much more quickly than you'd think. Sometimes it just takes identifying an area or areas in your life that you are unfilled, or that are not working for you, and changing those things. For me it was being addicted to opiates, and being in a relationship that was causing me a tremendous amount of pain. I fixed those things and within weeks my life felt completely different. A lot of the time we stay in bad situations because it's easier to maintain the status quo than it is to change. But really it's not easier, it's much harder, it's just that it FEELS easier to stay the same because even if it's painful, it's comfortable in a way.
willowy one[/quote said:
You couldn't know. In fact, trying to give a beautiful experience to someone you love(d) is just an expression of that love
As we know with psychedelics, the effects can never be anticipated and its an imprecise art, but you shouldn't ever doubt the purity of the motivations for your actions here.
Thanks.
Yeah you're right, my intentions were good, I wanted to share something that was beautiful for me. I kinda feel like I should have known, I wasn't really admitting to myself that she was sinking into some form of mental illness but I did know, deep down. It's just hard to face that your wife is going nuts. But my intentions were the exact opposite of bad. I was hoping it would help her. Oh well, what'cha gonna do? It doesn't bother me often but it does make me wonder.
Lots of love in PD this morning/last night.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
