☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: N-Dimensional Funhouse of Possibilities

[Tralen]

Well, it wasn't near as intense as I was expecting it to be. I was alone for the first half of my trip, and I listened to music and played sonic the hedgehog until my girlfriend came home from work. I tried to cook dinner, but I ended up burning myself with hot water :/ But afterwards we listened to music and had a lot of sex
Glad to hear your friend was okay synth. I've only had DMT one time. I tried it a couple of times, but I never was able to "blast off."

 

[Help?!?!]

That's crazy! Twelve mgs of synth psilocin rocked me even before I added in mescaline and some 2c-e!

I bet Shulgin loved bees because it's malleable, plus I'm pretty sure it was one of the earlier psychedelics he tried. I can't remember exactly because it's been years since I've read PiHKAL since it was stolen from me, pretty sure though.

Can't wait for some stoned and MXE relief coming my way soon!

Hope everything goes well with you and the woman, Xork!

To everyone!

 

[solistus]

Evenin', PD! My first trial with 2C-B ended up being ~18mg + ~20mg @t+2 and was still pretty mild, so this time I'm going for ~35mg at once to get a proper feel for this chem. It took me well over 20mg of 2C-E or 30+ of -I to get more than stimulation and mild visual distortions, so I figured my first dose was undershooting it, but I didn't want to tempt fate and assume that my high natural tolerance extended to an untested 2C. Depending on how crazy I want my night to get, I have a couple tryptamines to choose from and I'm about due for another roll... Decisions, decisions

Anyone else gonna be up late tonight, for psychopharmacological reasons or just from good old fashioned insomnia?

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm up late... because I got a little drunk and hung out. Just got home, gonna drink another beer and eat this Cookout I got. I need to go to bed soon thiugh, I'm hiking a river with a good buddy tomorrow at like 10am.

 

[Help?!?!]

Chronic insomniac here! I'll probably try to hit the hay soon enough though.

 

[solistus]

I can see why the bromo is such a popular 2C... Visuals on par with high dose 2C-E, without the awful bodyload I associate with high dose 2Cs. Definitely a much different experience than my previous staggered dosing.

 

[solistus]

So, for those keeping score at home... Shortly after that last post I decided to test out some new blotter... And then to make it a candyflip for the hell of it. Coming up on the molly now. If you've been meaning to ask me for a favor, now's the perfect time

 

[Grinders Kiefers]

I wonder why 2C-B was one of Shulgins favorites? Maybe because its so gentle..? Anyway had so nice night here with my childrood friend, actually my oldest friend. We've known for over 18 years. Drunk as fuck here yo

It is a very gentle chemical, but you have to remember Shulgin considered potential for eroticism to be a big positive with psychedelics, and 2C-B can be pretty arousing and tactile. A good deal of the psychedelic experiences in the narrative parts of PIHKAL and TIKHAL have him and Ann having sex, and sometimes it's even kind of casually mentioned or implied. It's useful information, the two of them just seemed to have very high libidos.

 

[Jabberwocky]

^ That it does.

So I called up this girl a bit ago, asked her what she was up to this weekend. She said not sure right now, what do you have in mind? I suggested the waterfall, or dinner. Then she told me she's dealing with a lot of stuff right now and feeling really weird, and she's not sure if she's up for anything but sleeping. So I said, listen, if you don't want to hang out with me right now, you can just tell me, I'll be bummed but I'll understand. And she said she honestly doesn't know if she wants to or not. Then she said she'd like a drink because things have been crazy, and I asked if she meant with me or just in general (because it was very ambiguous), and she said I don't know that either. And she apologized and said she's sorry but she's just all over the place, really confused right now, and she said "who knows what I want? I sure don't". So I just left it at, "Well, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or spend time with... if you give me a call that will be great but I really do understand if you don't. And I hope you can sort things out and feel better."

I really don't think she's lying, or get the sense she is... I mean if she just plain didn't want to see me, I gave her an out. I think my initial intuition about it is right, that she is more hurt by her divorce than I am, and that her husband got back from active duty temporarily and it threw her for a loop. Probably there's other stuff too that I just don't know her well enough to know about. But I think she's conflicted because she does like me, and she isn't sure if she should do that or feel that way right now. I respect that. I actually feel better now because I realize it isn't me, it's life stuff. Of course I hope she calls me even if she just wants to have a drink and talk about stuff. But either way it puts my mind more at ease. It makes sense why she'd not feel distant and then suddenly feel distant. It just had me so confused because it happened without any communication and her energy towards me shifted dramatically from one day to the next. I didn't know how to respond externally or internally. Now I know that I should give her space and that she is confused and not sure how to go forward, not that I did something, or whatever.

So I guess it's still a "we'll see", but in a better way that I can deal with.

I still hope it can work out though.

understand what you're going through man. met a girl in rehab, really attached to her and waiting for her to come back from treatment in south africa. hope she will want to be with me, she's coming home in 2 weeks. think we have a thing going! really think she's the one for me. perhaps fate. hang in there brother.

 

[NiceEnough]

^ That it does.

So I called up this girl a bit ago, asked her what she was up to this weekend. She said not sure right now, what do you have in mind? I suggested the waterfall, or dinner. Then she told me she's dealing with a lot of stuff right now and feeling really weird, and she's not sure if she's up for anything but sleeping. So I said, listen, if you don't want to hang out with me right now, you can just tell me, I'll be bummed but I'll understand. And she said she honestly doesn't know if she wants to or not. Then she said she'd like a drink because things have been crazy, and I asked if she meant with me or just in general (because it was very ambiguous), and she said I don't know that either. And she apologized and said she's sorry but she's just all over the place, really confused right now, and she said "who knows what I want? I sure don't". So I just left it at, "Well, I'm here if you need someone to talk to or spend time with... if you give me a call that will be great but I really do understand if you don't. And I hope you can sort things out and feel better."

I really don't think she's lying, or get the sense she is... I mean if she just plain didn't want to see me, I gave her an out. I think my initial intuition about it is right, that she is more hurt by her divorce than I am, and that her husband got back from active duty temporarily and it threw her for a loop. Probably there's other stuff too that I just don't know her well enough to know about. But I think she's conflicted because she does like me, and she isn't sure if she should do that or feel that way right now. I respect that. I actually feel better now because I realize it isn't me, it's life stuff. Of course I hope she calls me even if she just wants to have a drink and talk about stuff. But either way it puts my mind more at ease. It makes sense why she'd not feel distant and then suddenly feel distant. It just had me so confused because it happened without any communication and her energy towards me shifted dramatically from one day to the next. I didn't know how to respond externally or internally. Now I know that I should give her space and that she is confused and not sure how to go forward, not that I did something, or whatever.

So I guess it's still a "we'll see", but in a better way that I can deal with.

I still hope it can work out though.

Sounds like you are relying on your intuition and understand how to proceed with this one. You probably don't need to take on any of her confusion yourself right now, but giving her space makes sense to me. If she really is interested, she will come back to you for sure. Glad to hear you feel a bit clearer about the whole thing now, and hope when she comes through this confusion it can work out between you two. Probably I would say careful not to spend too much time thinking about her if you can help it, but easier said than done eh?

 

[NiceEnough]

understand what you're going through man. met a girl in rehab, really attached to her and waiting for her to come back from treatment in south africa. hope she will want to be with me, she's coming home in 2 weeks. think we have a thing going! really think she's the one for me. perhaps fate. hang in there brother.

And good luck with yours synthetix, hope it comes together for you when she gets back from SA.

I wouldn't say I was lucky to have a long-term stable(ish) relationship at the moment, it is quite a challenge to keep it together, particularly as its long distance and my partner has some definite behavioural issues. But I am sticking with it. Heading to Berlin to be with them soon for a week or so, but determined not to accept any abuse. Human beings are all screwed up one way or another, but I have to draw a line somewhere. I have messed things up (for myself) by not drawing that line in the past and taking too much crap.

 

[xammy]

i was just the worst human possible. fucked this girl and really didnt give a fuck about her, was just like when r u gonna leave. I feel like shit now, well already did before she even showed up.

 

[Xorkoth]

Sounds like you are relying on your intuition and understand how to proceed with this one. You probably don't need to take on any of her confusion yourself right now, but giving her space makes sense to me. If she really is interested, she will come back to you for sure. Glad to hear you feel a bit clearer about the whole thing now, and hope when she comes through this confusion it can work out between you two. Probably I would say careful not to spend too much time thinking about her if you can help it, but easier said than done eh?

I went by myself to the waterfall this morning, I thought for sure she wouldn't call and it was supposed to rain later. Then right when I was leaving to come back she asked me if I had left yet because she wanted to come with. Bummer... I invited her to come with me tomorrow though. Damn, I really didn't think she was going to go for it today!

But on the upside, I also found out while I was at the waterfall that my little brother and his girlfriend got engaged. Which is amazing news, she's already been family to me for years. Super happy for them.

He hasn't even told me yet, my mom just got antsy and told me. :D

 

[Xorkoth]

And good luck with yours synthetix, hope it comes together for you when she gets back from SA.

I wouldn't say I was lucky to have a long-term stable(ish) relationship at the moment, it is quite a challenge to keep it together, particularly as its long distance and my partner has some definite behavioural issues. But I am sticking with it. Heading to Berlin to be with them soon for a week or so, but determined not to accept any abuse. Human beings are all screwed up one way or another, but I have to draw a line somewhere. I have messed things up (for myself) by not drawing that line in the past and taking too much crap.

Yeah man, keep listening to yourself, what you're saying now. No one should put up with abuse in a relationship. That shit's gotta change... IMO. You have to first and foremost attend to your own well-being because you can't be anything for anyone if you don't love yourself. If someone is trying to take that away from you, that's wrong.

 

[xammy]

I feel trapped. I know its the drugs etc but I cant stand a day sober. For fucks sake.. I know I would be good if I just could be 2-3 days sober.

 

[Xorkoth]

i was just the worst human possible. fucked this girl and really didnt give a fuck about her, was just like when r u gonna leave. I feel like shit now, well already did before she even showed up.

Well does she have feelings for you? Or was it just a random thing?

Listen man, you're gonna be good. I have seen a familiar pattern in you over the past couple of weeks, of justifications and drugs... familiar because I was doing the same thing a number of years back. You can be happy with being sober... you just need to fill your time with other things. Do fun stuff. Go somewhere, visit someone. Whatever it is... just switch it up. The psychological pull of the altered state can be really strong but it's also largely situational, at least until you mess with physically addictive things, then it fucks you up real bad. For me, it was an attempt to combat boredom. Well, initially I started exploring psychedelics to explore, but when I found out how awesome they were, I gradually began to use them to feel excited and sparkly about things. And as I got used to that, regular life seemed less interesting because I was so often on psychedelics. It became a negative feedback loop and I followed that path for 2 years, and also straight into the arms of opiates.

You are early in this process. You will be fine. You can take this as a realization that you just need to snap out of it and refocus, and avoid yourself years of struggle and pain, or you can keep going down this path and it will get much worse, I promise you that. If you stop using drugs in this manner now, you might have cravings or have moments of feeling really bored but there is very little preventing you from just stopping, except yourself. Add in years of addiction, self-loathing, pain, neglect... and suddenly it's a much different story.

I believe in you man. You have a lot going for you from what you've told us recently. Just think of what sounds like fun and enriching activities for you, and do those instead of drugs. For example, I go explore waterfalls on weekend days instead of sit at home bored.

 

[Jabberwocky]

yeah my last relationship fell apart due to my catastrophic drug abuse after a while. thought we really had something, but it fell apart so quickly. god i miss her.

can't wait for this new girl to come back. have so much planned to do with her, going to visit countries... maybe it's just another one of my delusional fantasies but eh... i really hope she's willing to be with me. my life seems to be in tatters at the moment, can't find a foot holding anywhere. i know its not right to reside in someone else but she's been my anchor through some really tough times recently despite being so far away. god. i have a real attachment problem.

the drugs are getting put down when she's back 100%. if she doesnt accept my sacrifice i don't know what will happen frankly. so many things in my life seem to boil down to me just getting myself together but i can't seem to.. alcohol, drugs seem to take priority but i want to take charge. fingers crossed.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah man to be honest it sounds like it. I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping for something with this person, and maybe it will work and that will be awesome. But you are not protecting yourself here. It sounds like you've already defined what it is in your mind and you're setting yourself up for a crushing letdown if she doesn't reciprocate. Daydreaming is fun, don't I know it. But, it's just daydreaming until she actually contributes her part to the situation. If you're already planning trips with her I just fear for the pain you would feel if she didn't feel that way.

Hopefully she does feel that way! It sounds like she might at least from what you say. But you have to protect yourself man, you have to build these things one step at a time with the other person, or else it's all in your head and it hurts so much to realize that when you feel so strongly. So better to be cautious and that way there isn't a loss of a relationship for you to deal with (a relationship that only existed for you), it's just the loss of a great possibility.

Which is totally the same lesson I've just been learning. Easier said than done I know.

 

[xammy]

I love you Xorkoth for writing that message. I already know that stuff what u wrote but its so important for me that someone just wrote it so I can read it. no, this thing was just random, there is no feelings whatsoever from me for this girl, thats why I hate that I even said that she could come over. Dont know if she has something for me but I couldnt care less now.

Yeah I'm not in deep shit yet, I guess its just that I'm a little nervous because the school is starting in September. And I had this a week long vacation so I was really bored. I have been using drugs really responsively for a few years and I guess this is the worst of it. But its good because I know I don't want to continue this.. This has been going on like 2-3 weeks I think? I think I'll be fine if i just stay sober a week or two. Good thing the I'm out of MXE, I think 6 day bender with it has something to do with my current mind of state really. Well I smoked weed and drank a few beers every night too with it.

It's so hard to say these things to my IRL friends/family etc. It's the shame I guess? I dont know. I just don't want to be that guy who lost it with drugs.

 

[Xorkoth]

Random sex is fine, no reason to feel bad about yourself, as long as she wasn't expecting it to be something else. People want sex, it's normal.

Yeah I think the MXE is the main reason you feel this way, dissociatives can have a really strong pull for some. Just don't get any again, at least until your circumstances are different. And hey, I feel you... on my vacation with my family this summer I took something literally every day too, for 2 weeks Why? I just felt like it, it was fun, I don't regret it. But unlike when I was younger, I didn't keep that going when I got back from vacation. Instead I keep it to the weekend and live music. I don't think you need to be sober or anything (except for a week, now, probably), you just have to put drugs back in their proper role.

And it really is important to fill your time with other things. Sitting around the house with nothing to do is the worst possible scenario for trying to break drug-related behavioral patterns.