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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: N-Dimensional Funhouse of Possibilities

Hey Xoxorth. I can try and give a bit of advice but have been in a (admittedly) challenging relationship for over 4 years so have long since forgotten about the dynamics of courting. Intuitively, the second option you gave sounds like the best idea, particularly if you prefer to speak about things in person. It does sound like you already know that she is in to you in some sense and she likes to hang out with you. However, reading through your posts, it isn't clear to me whether it may, at least currently, just be a really intense friendship. And therefore the best thing for you, and probably for her is to meet up somewhere, perhaps indulge in something that doesn't cloud your judgement too much or can even help clarify it if you both want to, and talk about whether you both can and want to take things to the next level.

The epically long relationship may be making your more hesitant, but if you really feel the way you do then I don't think it really matters how soon it was that that ended, I think you need to find out whether you can make a relationship out of this one, and it sounds like you would rather do that in person. But I wouldn't ask that question over the phone. It can be pretty impersonal and is prone to awkwardness in my experience.

Hope that is in any way helpful. Good luck.
 
Hey PD Family! Been a while, been thinkin about poppin in to say hello so here i am :) Greetings All :) Hope everything has been going swimmingly for you. I am 13 months clean from H, just met the girl of my dreams 2 weeks ago and I couldn't dream up a better human than her, luckily for me she's also a female so it works out. I am going to be with this girl for as far as I can foresee into the future <3 :D I just got a job offer to working in a nursing home/rehab center and another volunteer position under a PhD doing Neuroscience research at a top hospital around me. So excited!!! After spending this last year working so much on myself and getting back to me and working towards who I want to be it seems in these last couple weeks it has been non-stop up, up, up for me. I haven't been this happy in my entire life. Things feel like they're coming together. I hope everyone has been seeing the same blessings in their lives and all endeavors. Much Peace, Love, and Light. I'm grateful everyday to have had my bluelight family to come to whenever I needed help and to share my highest highs and lowest lows with. You have always been there when I needed anything <3 Thank you all <3
 
Wow Neuro, I haven't seen you around here in forever! Of course I took a 3 year break 2011-2014 so it may not have been as long as it seems to me. Welcome back! :) Great to hear you're doing so well. I got off opiates for good (with the help of ibogaine) 3.5 months ago, haven't looked back and I've been doing awesome ever since. I am getting divorced, which is also a good thing. I also met a girl about 2 weeks ago or so, she seems perfect except she's been out of town a lot and now I'm not sure where things stand (as you can read in this social thread in the last few pages 8)).
 
NiceEnough said:
Hey Xoxorth. I can try and give a bit of advice but have been in a (admittedly) challenging relationship for over 4 years so have long since forgotten about the dynamics of courting. Intuitively, the second option you gave sounds like the best idea, particularly if you prefer to speak about things in person. It does sound like you already know that she is in to you in some sense and she likes to hang out with you. However, reading through your posts, it isn't clear to me whether it may, at least currently, just be a really intense friendship. And therefore the best thing for you, and probably for her is to meet up somewhere, perhaps indulge in something that doesn't cloud your judgement too much or can even help clarify it if you both want to, and talk about whether you both can and want to take things to the next level.

The epically long relationship may be making your more hesitant, but if you really feel the way you do then I don't think it really matters how soon it was that that ended, I think you need to find out whether you can make a relationship out of this one, and it sounds like you would rather do that in person. But I wouldn't ask that question over the phone. It can be pretty impersonal and is prone to awkwardness in my experience.

Hope that is in any way helpful. Good luck.
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Yeah I agree, phone talking is just weird, I prefer text talking to phone talking (but in person is always best). I just mentioned the epicly long relationship to highlight that I'm extremely rusty at this stuff. It doesn't make me that hesitant... I mean I have solidly in my mind to be cautious and not move too fast, but at the same time I'm ready to move on to someone else, it's been 15 months since we were no longer together. In a way I think it makes me even more eager because I'm really used to having someone to share that kind of thing with and I miss it.
 
I can understand that. Like I said, I am extremely rusty at the stuff because I am still in a relationship, but if I was in your position I would feel the same. I am gay, but when it comes to these kind of relationship dynamics I don't think it makes the slightest bit of difference what sex the object of your desire is. I really think you should go for it personally, it sounds like you want to But maybe in the way we have discussed? I don't know, I think that is what I would do. Thats my advice anyway. Sounds like you need a proper deep trip buddy again too ;-) Never tripped with my partner except on dissociatives and small amounts of mushrooms. He is much more scared of proper psychedelics than I am, although he has done quite a few. Nevertheless, I would like to take him through one soon
 
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Yeah I was catching up on that. It's an amazing feeling to find that person though, and the second I saw this girl I asked her out. I'm not sure why, but I just felt it. And since then things have only gotten better and better. I've made a conscious decision to never let an opportunity pass me by when it may yield positive outcomes. And it started with her. I would say if you feel it's right, let it be known. Put it out there any way that you can to her, don't let another moment pass to sit and wonder "what if". I'm so happy I did what I did approaching and pursuing this beautiful soul wrapped in a lovely body. She makes me a better me. I'm sure you will find a way to make it happen. Sorry about the divorce but I'm glad it is a positive move for you. All I can say is don't let an opportunity slip through your fingers. If you feel it, make sure she knows it. Create an open line of communication from the get-go and if it works you will have such a strong foundation to build upon. I even tell this girl I have to poop lol...which is goofy but that's how open our communication is. You deserve the best, you've helped me out many times over just on here with things i've gone through so if I can help you with anything please feel free to PM me or talk to me. Even over the phone or fb (if you're on there) :) Exciting times lay ahead my friend <3

EDIT: Also, Xork, imo voice is always superior to text of any kind. There is too much room for interpretation when it's only text. If it gets awkward talking over the phone (if that's your only option) then that may be a telling sign of where her feelings lie. I always felt that when you can sit in silence with someone and be perfectly content with it, that's a healthy relationship. So I'd open up the communication so that no matter what you have to talk about it will never be awkward because you are both comfortable vocalizing any and all feelings you may or may not have for each other :)
 
NiceEnough said:
I can understand that. Like I said, I am extremely rusty at the stuff because I am still in a relationship, but if I was in your position I would feel the same. I am gay, but when it comes to these kind of relationship dynamics I don't think it makes the slightest bit of difference what sex the object of your desire is. I really think you should go for it personally, it sounds like you want to But maybe in the way we have discussed? I don't know, I think that is what I would do. Thats my advice anyway. Sounds like you need a proper deep trip buddy again too ;-) Never tripped with my partner except on dissociatives and small amounts of mushrooms. He is much more scared of proper psychedelics than I am, although he has done quite a few. Nevertheless, I would like to take him through one soon
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Yeah she'd be a good trip buddy for sure. I've also never really tripped with my partner, I did with my ex a couple of times but they were low-dose trips and most of our history involved her thinking I was stupid for doing psychedelics, and me hiding it from her as a result. I'd LOVE to have a partner I could really trip with and share that part of myself. Fortunately I do have good friends for that, but it's not the same, I would think.

NeuroDr said:
Yeah I was catching up on that. It's an amazing feeling to find that person though, and the second I saw this girl I asked her out. I'm not sure why, but I just felt it. And since then things have only gotten better and better. I've made a conscious decision to never let an opportunity pass me by when it may yield positive outcomes. And it started with her. I would say if you feel it's right, let it be known. Put it out there any way that you can to her, don't let another moment pass to sit and wonder "what if". I'm so happy I did what I did approaching and pursuing this beautiful soul wrapped in a lovely body. She makes me a better me. I'm sure you will find a way to make it happen. Sorry about the divorce but I'm glad it is a positive move for you. All I can say is don't let an opportunity slip through your fingers. If you feel it, make sure she knows it. Create an open line of communication from the get-go and if it works you will have such a strong foundation to build upon. I even tell this girl I have to poop lol...which is goofy but that's how open our communication is. You deserve the best, you've helped me out many times over just on here with things i've gone through so if I can help you with anything please feel free to PM me or talk to me. Even over the phone or fb (if you're on there) :) Exciting times lay ahead my friend <3

EDIT: Also, Xork, imo voice is always superior to text of any kind. There is too much room for interpretation when it's only text. If it gets awkward talking over the phone (if that's your only option) then that may be a telling sign of where her feelings lie. I always felt that when you can sit in silence with someone and be perfectly content with it, that's a healthy relationship. So I'd open up the communication so that no matter what you have to talk about it will never be awkward because you are both comfortable vocalizing any and all feelings you may or may not have for each other :)
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Thanks man. <3 Yeah the first night we hung out (midnight to after sunrise including watching the sunrise together), at the end we had a long period of comfortable silence, it was a big part of the reason I felt so good about things, because comfortable silence isn't possible with everyone. The whole night was so exciting and comfortable, I felt like we already knew each other, but at the same time didn't and it's exciting to get to know someone. We had deeper conversations than I've almost ever had with anyone, the whole time.

I feel the same way about opportunities, I won't let this one slip by although I am not at all sure it will come to anything. Still I'd always wonder if I didn't try. So I'm going to give it a couple of more days and then contact her and see if she wants to go to a waterfall with me... hopefully she does and then I can find out what's up. If she doesn't want to I'll just ask her what's up but I'd really prefer not to. But, I definitely need to get out of this "unknown zone".
 
Xorkoth said:
Thanks man. <3 Yeah the first night we hung out (midnight to after sunrise including watching the sunrise together), at the end we had a long period of comfortable silence, it was a big part of the reason I felt so good about things, because comfortable silence isn't possible with everyone. The whole night was so exciting and comfortable, I felt like we already knew each other, but at the same time didn't and it's exciting to get to know someone. We had deeper conversations than I've almost ever had with anyone, the whole time.
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You just described our first date also. Ended up spending the night together (did nothing but a sweet kiss), we took one hit of lsd and she is the only person i've met that has as much knowledge about bio and neuroscience as I have to put back into the conversation. Sounds like you're on to something beautiful my friend :)
 
I sure hope so. :) No kiss for us though, I couldn't tell if she wanted me to or not and we talked about taking things slow when we started something with someone again (we're both getting divorced), and I didn't want to mess it up so I didn't.
 
Yeah I get impatient but slow is good. My last relationship we started spending almost 24/7 together literally instantly, and I moved into her dorm room after 3 months and we lived together at all times after that except for the first summer apart when we lived with our parents 2.5 hours away from each other. We got super codependent, it wasn't a good thing. Way too wrapped up in each others' lives, way too fast. In retrospect. I certainly enjoyed it at the time, but I wouldn't do that again.
 
Well to be honest, I say slow always works best but in my current relationship we moved in instantly like you. Nearly destroyed it. We had to move away from each other for it to work. We now live in different countries, but Skype nearly everyday. I am flying from UK to Berlin to see him. It ain't easy but I have kind of realised that there is so much love there no matter how much bullshit there also is, it is worth it. And if we can make it work living miles apart, there must be something special.
 
Xorkoth said:
I sure hope so. :) No kiss for us though, I couldn't tell if she wanted me to or not and we talked about taking things slow when we started something with someone again (we're both getting divorced), and I didn't want to mess it up so I didn't.
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Good call. She asked me what i was thinking and i said "I'm thinking I want to kiss you" lol Still didn't though for about another hour. I didn't want to push anything either. But we've pushed past that now haha She's actually about to be with me at the library, I told her all about bluelight today so I'm gonna show her this wonderful place
 
@xorkoth: maybe she's talking to her husband again? You said she was getting divorced.

Anecdotally, something similar happened to me with my last girlfriend. Things were going great--we hadn't had sex or talked about what we were, but we spent pretty much all of our time together, we'd kissed, etc. But all of the sudden she got kind of distant. I didn't know what was up, but it just seemed like she was getting irritated by me more often, and like she was just being more guarded or something.

I had at this point pretty much assumed that "we" were something--I mean we really were. But at this point I asked her if she wanted to be "Facebook official" --basically I was asking for clarification/getting on the same page/all the things you want now.

Well... She said no. I was crushed. It seemed like such a weird, sudden change and I didn't understand it. We were a bit awkward the next day, and then I went home (I was at college) for the weekend. The next morning she texted me, saying she'd changed her mind. It turned out that, a few days earlier, one of her online video game friends had asked her out. This was someone she had known much longer than me, somebody she was really close to, but also someone that was on the other side of the country. It left her feeling really confused, and it took her a while to figure out what she really wanted.

All of this isn't to say, necessarily, that you should just give her space. I'm sure you didn't read her wrong--she is, or was, into you. If she's making a hard decision right now, it's not about whether she's interested in you at all, but about whether she should be pursuing that interest. So you want to keep what she likes about you fresh in her memory. I realize that you can't meet with her against her will if she's busy or putting you off, but maybe you could write a thoughtful letter, or make something (music? Art? A story? Hell... a drug-stash-pouch?) for her.
 


Listen through the end of the playlist/album starting at the one I have. One of the songs is missing though, it's a good one too. The last one is a badass Stairway to Heaven cover.

Good shit man. :)
 
InterestingFACT said:
@xorkoth: maybe she's talking to her husband again? You said she was getting divorced.

Anecdotally, something similar happened to me with my last girlfriend. Things were going great--we hadn't had sex or talked about what we were, but we spent pretty much all of our time together, we'd kissed, etc. But all of the sudden she got kind of distant. I didn't know what was up, but it just seemed like she was getting irritated by me more often, and like she was just being more guarded or something.

I had at this point pretty much assumed that "we" were something--I mean we really were. But at this point I asked her if she wanted to be "Facebook official" --basically I was asking for clarification/getting on the same page/all the things you want now.

Well... She said no. I was crushed. It seemed like such a weird, sudden change and I didn't understand it. We were a bit awkward the next day, and then I went home (I was at college) for the weekend. The next morning she texted me, saying she'd changed her mind. It turned out that, a few days earlier, one of her online video game friends had asked her out. This was someone she had known much longer than me, somebody she was really close to, but also someone that was on the other side of the country. It left her feeling really confused, and it took her a while to figure out what she really wanted.

All of this isn't to say, necessarily, that you should just give her space. I'm sure you didn't read her wrong--she is, or was, into you. If she's making a hard decision right now, it's not about whether she's interested in you at all, but about whether she should be pursuing that interest. So you want to keep what she likes about you fresh in her memory. I realize that you can't meet with her against her will if she's busy or putting you off, but maybe you could write a thoughtful letter, or make something (music? Art? A story? Hell... a drug-stash-pouch?) for her.
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Good point. She did see her husband again recently, he came back from deployment and took their daughter for a week or so (that was a bit over a week ago). We talked about him and also my ex. From what I gather they had been growing apart for years because she was becoming increasingly open-minded and against what the military stands for (or what they're fighting for really), and he got more into it, and didn't respect her views. They initiated the divorce because he decided not to quit after his time was up and sign up for more, and they had agreed that would mean divorce. So who knows what kinds of feelings are going on there, my situation is different. It definitely may have stirred up old feelings if she saw him for the first time in a long time, that's understandable.

Much easier to date when you're 18 I think, you don't have so much other life that has happened.
 
So I was just up on the roof doing some patching, and I saw a wasp. It was buzzing all around me threateningly, and when it landed for a second I smashed it with my hammer. Then like 8 more came swarming at me and I slid down the roof as fast as I could. I skinned my elbow pretty deep on the grit. No stings though, even down the ladder. I'll have to let them calm down and then go up with my electric swatter and a can of wasp/nest killer. It's scary though, the roof is really high, especially off the front because my yard is a steep downslope of a mountainside. It's probably 30 feet to the ground on that side.
 
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