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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: N-Dimensional Funhouse of Possibilities

Unfortunately, my laptop is a piece of garbage and I can barely hear your piano piece, Solipsis. I am sure it's great :)

I had a great day today! Finally got to see my doctor, who not only refilled my Xanax bar script, but even gave me a few refills this time around! I am so happy! If only Xanax tolerance didn't exist.
 
Can I ask you guys something? This girl I'm into, the one I talked a lot about when we hung out, well, she doesn't seem to be getting back to me about getting together to hang out. The last 2 times we chatted (briefly) I was the one who contacted her. Last weekend she was at a festival. Now she's home, the last time we really talked I told I wanted to cook her dinner and she seemed excited about that and enthusiastic. But that was on the 11th. She went to the festival since then but has been home a couple of days and was home before the festival too, with her daughter out of town. I am increasingly getting the sense she is purposely not calling me, but I'm not sure what happened, all of our interactions have been good. I don't know, just a gut, but maybe I'm just being insecure. I am considering 3 things:

1 - Just keep waiting for her to call me (if she does) - I made it known I wanted to hang out already, her move
2 - Call her and see what she's up to and if she wants to make plans to hang out
3 - Call her and tell her I am into her but I can't tell if she's into me and ask if she can clear that up so I can either stop thinking about it or not (this is ultimately what I want to know - I would think of a way to say it better though first, I think it's a perfectly reasonable request and she seems like a very reasonable person given the way our conversations have gone about our pasts and stuff)

The thing is, I don't want the case to be that she's just really busy and stressed and then start to feel like I'm being annoying (she is dealing with a lot of stuff right now and it's not like I'm really a part of her life at this point, it's been such a short time). So, I'm not sure what to do but I keep having periodic spells of thinking about it too much and it's not great for me I don't think. I'm going to put it down to my lack of dating experience... met my ex when we were 18, we didn't really even date, we just instantly got together and I moved into her dorm room 3 months in and we lived together ever since until this February. And I didn't really date before that because I was more or less dorky (i did have a high school girlfriend for 2 years though). So like, I don't really know what it's like to date someone anymore, really. I'm confident I can be just fine with it once it's there because I know how to talk to people and be affectionate and all the other things you need when you're dating someone, but what's getting me is the unknown. I wish I just knew how she felt, one way or the other. It's not like we've known each other long, if she said "yeah, I'm not really into you like that", I could accept it and stop hoping that she is. Or if she said she is but it freaks her out (a possibility for sure given what I know about her), or that she's wanting to hang out but there's too much going on, then I could feel better knowing there's a reason. I can't really think of anything I did, and the first 5 days of knowing each other we were in fairly constant contact and she was telling me she wanted to see me, so it's left me feeling confused.

It's one thing to be with someone physically, hanging out, and trying to read from them how they feel, and then if you see it, bringing it up, but it's another I think to call someone on the phone about it. Man, I wish I didn't like her so much, I wouldn't care so much but this is like one of the coolest chicks I've ever met. It felt really intense when I met her, the whole night feels like a trip, a really good trip. And we like to do a shitload of the same things too, and most of the most important ones. So, I'm hoping the feeling is returned, for sure. I'll be bummed if it isn't, but it'll be fine. But somehow not knowing is really bothering me. Because I feel like it's 50/50 at this point... I first saw a lot of clearly positive signs, I was sure she was into me after the first time we hung out. But since then I've seen some negative signs too, mixed with positive.

I got high halfway through this post, sorry if I was repeating stuff. Thanks for listening, that helped me organize my thoughts and made me feel better. :)


Blah blah blah, what would you guys do?
 
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Heh, I did smoke some weed and I'm grinning right now. =D I'm good, I was just having a moment. But it's still basically the way I feel, I just don't think about it most of the time because I'm thinking about other things.
 
Give it a little more time imo Xork (couple of days). If she hasn't contacted you by then, perhaps it's worth being a little blunt with her and letting her know you're interested in her, but the last however many days have made you wonder whether there's anything there. Obviously there's a lot more in the wording of such a message than that simple notion, but you probably roughly get where I'm coming from.


While I'm not too great with the same situation you're in right now Xork (though it is a lot easier first-hand), I'm pretty damn articulate and eloquent when I want to be. Can really put together a good message when I need haha
 
Yeah I can do that too. :)

I have a much easier time in person too (if that's what you meant by first-hand). That's why I want to wait til we do see each other again, after seeing what I see there. I just get impatient, it's something I am starting to work on. I get excited and it's like being a kid waiting for Christmas, I just want to know. I like that about myself, but I think sometimes it's not the appropriate response to things.
 
Solipsis, that's an amazing improvisation, I loved it. <3 The beginning is VERY quiet and hard to hear even turned up but then it gets louder.
 
Xorkoth said:
I love solo trips. If you're experienced at dealing with tripping head stuff, and it's 2.5 grams, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Though I see why you're being cautious, 40 miles out in nature. Also, mushrooms in the woods is the best setting I can imagine, I always try to take mushrooms in the woods, it just feels right. I've never had a hint of a difficult experience on mushrooms in the woods.

I'd do it... but you know you best. I admit the possibility of something - anything - happening and having no one else there would give me pause, but I think, for me, at that dose, I'd go through with it. Do you have phone reception?
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Yeah, I have phone service through a landline. Cell service is pretty limited but I can pick it up about a quarter mile away from my house, on the beach.

I think I'll probably go ahead and do it. If the going gets especially tough I have a pretty decent stockpile of Klonopin and Xanax, but I don't expect to need that stuff.

Psilocybin is probably my favorite drug (although not really "abusable") but the last time I took it I didn't really have a good time, because I was trapped in an apartment with a couple really annoying people who were also tripping and were just being obnoxious. I couldn't leave and go for a walk either because it was under -30 degrees below zero outside (I live in Alaska), so I felt pretty trapped. Hopefully I can get re-acquainted with it this go around.
 
The last time (and only time) I did LSD I was "trapped" too, haha...out at someone's cabin on the outskirts of town, with a flat tire that I got driving down a dirt road, so I was really screwed. Eventually I got so sick of hanging out in that place with the three other people who were tripping (one of whom was a hardened psychonaut, snorting massive lines of god-knows-what research chemical) that I decided to walk to where my car was sitting and change the tire. I would've been incapable of performing a task like that on shrooms but with LSD you feel a bit more in control of the high. As I walked outside the thought dawned on me that whoa, I am way to high right now to be out in public LOL. There were dogs barking in the distance all around me and the nature of their barking was incredibly sinister...I thought that packs of wild dogs were descending on me from all directions. A truck passed me on the road and I saw the people looking at me like whoa, is he high or something? and then I decided to walk back to the cabin and give my sober buddy a call to come pick me up and help me change my tire.

As I walked back, the exact same truck pulled up to me and stopped, rolling down their window. I knew that they wanted to talk to me, but I just kept charging right by them, giving a shifty-eyed and barely audible "hi!" as I walked past their window. They probably thought I was high on meth or something.

Doing psychedelics out in the boondocks can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
 
i got trapped on LSD too, had to take a valium to control it, well was forced to take one, otherwise i don't actually know what i would have done really took the edge off but the trip went strong as ever just calmed me... even though before i was just laughing hysterically at everything didn't have a care in the world

was stuck in my friends house we thought it would be a good time to stay outside and stuff but he then forced us in to this bedroom and me and my other tripping friend finally settled and had a blast though, the valium took of the edge, he was seriously starting to freak out at some points
 
Xorkoth said:
Yeah I can do that too. :)

I have a much easier time in person too (if that's what you meant by first-hand). That's why I want to wait til we do see each other again, after seeing what I see there. I just get impatient, it's something I am starting to work on. I get excited and it's like being a kid waiting for Christmas, I just want to know. I like that about myself, but I think sometimes it's not the appropriate response to things.
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Sorta....I mostly meant when I'm the one in your position, as opposed to advising someone else what to do/say (second-person by my terminology).

But mate, over the last 6 months I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY. Only thankfully for me, earlier this week was the 3 month mark with my current girl. Unbelievably happy with this one too :) hopefully you catch a proper break too soon and luck out meeting the right one like I did :)
 
mmm.. i had a girl once, she quite literally pulled me out of a dark spiral for two years, things got ugly after a year and half or so..... really regret a lot of the decisions i made and what i did to her but also to me.

wish i had a girl. get so lonely sometimes.
 
xorkoth -- have you just been asking her generally "hey want to hang out?", "het lets have dinner?", or other potentially mundane activities? perhaps she is looking for something more exciting. figure out when a good local concert will be and invite her. describe a beautiful place in the mountains to her and ask if she wants to go there with you. ask her if she wants to drop acid with you. something fun and specific. don't leave too much of the planning up to her.
 
Xorkoth said:
Can I ask you guys something? This girl I'm into, [...]
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If you really like a girl its so easy to get insecure or even panic about what everything like exactly how often you are contacted and how, means... I am sensitive to it too these days!
But I guess the balanced thing to do would be to first give her some space, but just not letting that go on for so long that she might starting looking too much behind that in the same way. Before it starts getting really awkwardly long, maybe just sober-mindedly point out that 'hey its been a little while since we spoke, is everything alright?'

does that sound fair? although maybe dont take romantic advice from an aspie

/ thnx for listening to the song and pointing out the volume thing, i might have to go and normalize some songs and replace the files in soundcloud ;p

@nightwatch: about not leaving too much of the planning up to her, good point. afaik generally women like to be led (maybe just not led on :d ) and being assertive tends to be appreciated unless she is really the dominating kind of is not that interested / has other issues or is really far too busy.

It's somewhat rare for me but sometimes when i meet a girl i like, everything i do flows naturally and spontaneous and i feel enabled, including able to show initiative and creativity regarding planned activities. But i also think at some point / in other ways she is going to have to contribute for it to stay interesting. What to expect there I haven't really figured out.
With my girl, its still going smoothly but we may have problems having time to see each other before or respective vacations. Its tantalizing but i think it builds up excitement lol.
 
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thenightwatch said:
xorkoth -- have you just been asking her generally "hey want to hang out?", "het lets have dinner?", or other potentially mundane activities? perhaps she is looking for something more exciting. figure out when a good local concert will be and invite her. describe a beautiful place in the mountains to her and ask if she wants to go there with you. ask her if she wants to drop acid with you. something fun and specific. don't leave too much of the planning up to her.
Click to expand...

Both... I've invited her to explore waterfalls with me (she loves nature and camping extendedly and all that) and she was excited about that (but it's not quite so easy for her since she has a small child - babysitter or bring her child to a somewhat dangerous place - though lots of people bring their small children so next time it comes up I'll say we can all go, didn't think of that before). She wanted to come to the Lockn festival with me until she found out how much it costs (and I can't afford another $300 ticket, it was hard to get the one). She also brought up that she was going to trip soon on LSD, I didn't quite feel comfortable asking if she wanted to trip with me because it was the first time we'd met and it was before something really stressful happened that she's dealing with. But also context in which she brought it up made me feel like she might have been thinking she wanted me to. Still, didn't feel appropriate at the time to insert myself in that position.

Local concert is a good idea for sure.

Thorns - We already talked all about what we want the first time we hung out (it felt like a half-date since we went out to eat early breakfast and watched the sun rise, just the two of us, and talked about relationship stuff). That's the thing, we got SO in-depth talking about ourselves and our pasts and our hopes for the future. I've never once talked to a girl like that except when it ended up leading somewhere, it went way beyond "friend you just met" type of stuff.

Solipsis: I like that approach, good call, thank you sir. :)

Feeling pretty good today, I got a lot of sleep even though I had another dream about being back together with my ex in which I was happy about it but also part of me was like "what the fuck are you doing??" It's weird being in this position, being into someone else but with an epically long relationship not that far in the rear-view mirror that still affects me, at least subconsciously.
 
I wish I could help Xork: Not only am I gay, but I've never had a boy or girl friend. Although I recognize it's a tricky game of hop scotch, I wish I could offer better advice.

The best advice I can give you is this: Everything that happens to you is the best possible thing that can happen to you.
 
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