@Xorkoth,
I'm not sure how I feel about open relationships right now. Had a six-year relationship in my 20's of which the last three were spent as an open relationship. We weren't banging everyone we met like some people think non-monogamous people behave, I think neither of us had a particularly strong sex drive, which I guess ironically is kinda why we decided to have that kind of relationship in the first place. I think we felt a little bit detached from sex which made it easier to experiment with our sex life I guess. Like fucking someone else wasn't such a big deal because sex wasn't such a big deal, our relationship had other kind of strengths. Spiritual complicity, emotional support and intelectual affinity felt more important than staying loyal to our bodies. So if we occasionally happened to spend the night with someone else, it was ok. But we weren't fooling around all the time, or actively seeking hooking out with other people, which I guess is what made it sustainable. For a while at least.
It worked fine until I eventually met someone else that I fell in love with. For most of our non-monogamous relationship, our little adventures here and there consisted exclusively of one-night stands, except for a period I spent alone in the US doing research in a lab we were collaborating with at the time. I had a brief romance with a girl I met over there, but because I was living apart from my ex, and the fact that I knew I was eventually leaving the US I guess made all three of us take the situation with some kind of lightheartedness and un-seriousness. I did like that girl a lot though, we met at a music venue and immediately clicked and had a lot of fun together. We also had amazing sex chemistry, something I hadn't felt since I first started dating my ex. Which kinda introduced some uncomfortable doubts at the back of my mind, which latter on turned to some realizations about things that weren't really working out in our relationship, but I kind of buried that under the rug for a while. I eventually went back home to Chile, and I think it was around eight months after I had returned, I met a girl that I couldn't help but fall in love with. It wasn't like the previous one-night experiences, I couldn't get enough of this new girl I had met, so I kinda started dating her while living with my ex. Admittedly it was a weird situation, but we had countless conversations about it as it was happening, and the three of us were ok with it for a while. But then my ex kinda changed feelings about it, and decided she had enough and wanted to change back to a monogamous relationship. The cat was already out the bag though. I realized I had fallen in love with this girl, and it wasn't so easy for me to give up that situation. It was a harsh time for sure, full of doubt, fear, anxiety and frustration. I moved out of the house we were living in, eventually split with my ex.
In retrospect, I can tell what tore us apart was not only the non-monogamy thing. We had a really beautiful relationship in many regards, but the experiences I was having made me realize I wasn't happy with a lot of stuff in our relationship. She had a severe depression, and I was always the one keeping things up for both of us. Then, during the last year of our relationship I was having a really rough time for unrelated reasons, and when I was feeling down, she couldn't take care of herself and much less give me the support I was needing, so we both were dragged down by depression in a never-ending vicious circle. Also, I guess if I'm completely honest, I guess our decision to "open" our relationship was in part motivated by latent and unspoken sexual frustration. Except for the first year of our relationship (But that's normal ... You are getting to know someone, you are all excited and horny, you have a lot more sex than latter on), her sex drive was really low because of her depression, which eventually ended affecting my own libido, but we tried to play it cool for the reasons above. I even thought I was asexual for a while, then we opened our relationship and I found out I was absolutely not. So yeah, in retrospective we started slowly drifting away from each other for reasons other than living non-monogamously, and we didn't pay enough attention to that until it was maybe too late, and probably falling in love with another person while in a relationship can happen even if you are exclusive with your partner, but I guess experimenting around with other people definitely made me more open to meeting other people and to the idea of having feelings for someone else, and probably I wouldn't have gotten so close to someone to the point of falling in love if I was monogamous at the time. Was it for the better, in the end? In my case, yes it did, I guess we would have broken up eventually for the other, unattended reasons already mentioned, at the end of our relationship we felt more like best friends that lived together rather than lovers, and me dating another person just exacerbated that. But of course having this little adventures here and there catalyzed the whole process.
So, non-monogamy, how do I feel about it? I don't know. All I can say, it's confusing, and I think I haven't heard of anyone who has had success in the long term with it. Most people I know that are polyamorous or non-monogamous also tend to enjoy time alone a lot ? I haven't meet someone having a long-term partner and living non monogamously while also living with them.
As for the girl I started dating while with my ex ... Well, everything was perfect with her since the very first moment. And I mean everything. We did the non-monogamy thing for a couple of years, mostly out of habit I guess, as we were both in that mindset when we met. But after a while I guess both of us kinda lost interest in meeting other people. Eventually we explicitly decided to commit only to each other. And since nine months, we are married now, lol. So peak monogamy I guess? Oh, and I completely disagree with
@Mr. Krinkle on his last post, sex has been amazing for the whole (almost) seven years we've been together. I mean of course we are not doing it everytime we meet pulling all nighters regularly like on our first year together. Of course eventually you find other ways of connecting with your partner and getting enjoyement out of it and sharing love and care. But we still have sex regularly and enjoy it as much as the good old days, maybe more in some ways.
Oops, ended up writing my own novel. I'm sorry, didn't intend for this to be so long. But this is what I can say on the subject. I really hope you can find what works best for you, but if you feel your lack of sexual life and/or experience is frustrating you, I think it's only fair to yourself to do something about it. I don't think it is shallow or "testosterone driven" at all to wish for fulfillment in that aspect of your life, I guess wishing that is part of the human experience. I'm sure you will find the right answer eventually.
Edited for crappy english
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
But she is trying, and after her period (which should be tomorrow), she's going to be starting on a regimen of supplements and stuff to try to fix her hormones. Some solid research went into it (from me and also from her). She also said she'd see an endocrinologist but it will be a while before she can get an appointment. At the moment she said she finds it hard to care or miss it, but also she knows that the her from before birth control would slap the today her upside the head for saying that, so she knows there is another way she could feel and would be glad she pursued. She also finds it terribly ironic that she went on birth control because she was in terrible pain and was desperate to heal it so we could resume being intimate, and now she has totally fixed the pain, but doesn't care about the intimacy. She said she just can't seem to make herself want it, even though when we do it, she gets into it and enjoys it... in fact we had sex yesterday and she wanted to go again but you know, refractory period and all that... so I finished the job with other parts of me. I have to admit I have a hard time understanding how that dichotomy could exist... like, intellectually, you can't remember that you actually really like it whenever it happens, and that could make you want to spend 5 minutes of feeling weird/bored to get entry to that place? But I guess getting turned on is not easy for her right now and I have to respect that, but I also respect that she's trying to move in a better direction and she's not just telling me that I'm being a pig, or something like that.The problem with this stuff is that it doesn't feel like a drug- it feels completely normal. It's totally undermined whatever paltry belief I had left in free will. We are deterministic engines being semi predictably buffeted by biological forces well beyond our control. We do seem to be able to hit the brakes somewhat though- in this case, it may be titrating up more slowly. But mainly we just have to enjoy the ride.
you deserve that.
Made some great music or at least it felt great making it 
