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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Somatic Swirly Sepia Summer Sausage Stage Set Suppository

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Don't the cops read this site or something? So I guess SWIY is thinking of killing their wife then?
 
That music is agitating my cat. He prefers Baroque Classical or 70s Dead tbqh. (No, I really mean my cat.)
 
Spontaneous fry tonight. I had no idea I was so willing to trip on a moments notice! Gonna head down to my friend's place and meet up with a couple other folks and eat some good acid. This has been the most frequent tripping period of my life... and I must say, I'm quite enjoying it!

Trip on, PD! %)
 
Sweet man. Have fun! :) I love spontaneous tripping nights, I have them sometimes, usually when my friend suggests that we trip and spend the night playing music and hanging out with various people. Had one Wednesday, still glowing from it.

Of course I only got 3.5 hours of sleep that night and then continued the vibes the next day with 3-MeO-PCP bumps (that was yesterday). Today I am quite tired so I think I'm going to stay in with my girlfriend when she gets off work, or maybe we'll go low-key hang out at her friend's house and smoke spliffs.
 
Yes, I fully expect to just write off tonight as far as sleep goes. I was gonna bring some etizolam to kill it at the end but it feels like I'm cheating when I do that. I'll just drink a bunch o' beer instead :p
 
I like alcohol better than benzos for the tail end of trips. I don't like to drink until the plateau stage, after the peak, but it mixes great with the tailing effects, increasing the level of comfort physically and mentally and loosening you up and increasing sociability. I like to get slowly drunk, but with the end goal of just being lightly drunk by the time I go to bed. I occasionally have a trip that I feel is very revealing/important in nature and for those I tend to avoid alcohol because it doe smake the whole thing fuzzier and less distinct, but usually that is very fun for me, since I don't generally go into trips these days with anything in mind but enjoying the experience and altering the energy/content of the group dynamic.
 
Music is the most magical thing I know of. As a musician, you can do a complex thing that produces something that dramatically alters the perception and emotional state of the listener. And in a live music setting, you and the audience develop this group mind/energy exchange that is so powerful it can bring people to tears or make them laugh out loud. It can tell a story that is deep and personal, without words. It's like you are a sorcerer, casting your spell over others. How weird and how wonderful. :)
 
I can only imagine. Music has an amazing influence...

The ancient Egyptians credited one of their gods, Thoth, with the invention of music, with Osiris in turn used as part of his effort to civilize the world. The earliest material and representational evidence of Egyptian musical instruments dates to the Predynastic period, but the evidence is more securely attested in the Old Kingdom when harps, flutes and double clarinets were played. Percussion instruments, lyres and lutes were added to orchestras by the Middle Kingdom. Cymbals frequently accompanied music and dance, much as they still do in Egypt today. Egyptian folk music, including the traditional Sufi dhikr rituals, are the closest contemporary music genre to ancient Egyptian music, having preserved many of its features, rhythms and instruments.

The word derives from Greek μουσική (mousike; "art of the Muses"). In Greek mythology, the nine muses were the goddesses who inspired literature, science, and the arts and who were the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, song-lyrics, and myths in the Greek culture. According to the Online Etymological Dictionary, the term "music" is derived from "mid-13c., musike, from Old French musique (12c.) and directly from Latin musica "the art of music," also including poetry (also [the] source of Spanish musica, Italian musica, Old High German mosica, German Musik, Dutch muziek, Danish musik)." This is derived from the "...Greek mousike (techne) "(art) of the Muses," from fem. of mousikos "pertaining to the Muses," from Mousa "Muse" (see muse (n.)). Modern spelling [dates] from [the] 1630s. In classical Greece, [the term "music" refers to] any art in which the Muses presided, but especially music and lyric poetry."
 
Interesting stuff xammy, thanks. :)

My friend came and borrowed my old keyboard that I keep in my office for the weekend, because his band's keyboard broke and they need to use it in their 4 gigs they have this weekend. Happy to do it, but now, not only do I not have the ability to play stuff and loop multiple tracks over it, thus jamming with myself, recording ideas, and just generally being able to try things that are in my head and actualize them, I actually can't play at all because it was the only instrument I keep at my house. I feel really inspired but I can't express it like I want to. It's crazy how fast you can get used to something... a month ago, before I got my new double keyboard stand, I didn't have anything at my house because I'm over at the band house so often. But I already find having something at my house indispensible to the point that I'm almost regretting letting them borrow it (though I am truly glad to do so because they're a band playing awesome stuff 4 nights a week with a solid and fanatical fan base with their own pet name for their "group" who follow them around to hear their music, and that's a beautiful thing I'm glad I can be connected to).
 
My girl just came over, she worked really late today and she doesn't like the job. It's not really that it's a bad job, it's that she doesn't feel like she fits in at all, she can't relate to them, and she feels like they don't respect her for who she is and want her to be more like them. She broke down and started crying and after a while of just holding her she proceeded to tell me she's a lost girl. She doesn't know what she wants out of life, she doesn't know what makes her feel passionate to spend her time doing. She said she wants something different but that she thinks she'll be unhappy no matter what she does. I asked her if she has always felt this way, and she said yes, always. We spoke about some of this in metaphor. She said she wishes she could just go back to neverland, so she could fly. I said, well how do you know you can't fly right here? She said you're right, I should at least try, shouldn't I. I said yes, it seems that a lot of people have forgotten they can fly, and she agreed that it does seem so. She asked if I knew how, and I said yes, sometimes it's hard but I know how, but unfortunately I don't understand how to teach it, it's something you have to remember. Then I told her that when I was her age (she is 3.5 years younger than me) I hadn't remembered how to fly for years, and I believed that I had been broken and never would again. But I remembered how since then. That made her smile and stop crying and now she's taking a shower.

The problem is, she had a rough childhood. Her parents loved and love her, but she was the last child born and her parents already basically hated each other. Her dad was/is really... don't know how to describe it. Maybe borderline personality disorder. I like the guy but he is difficult and he basically ran their lives when they were kids, to the extent that they were very controlled by him. Eventually her mom left (she was like 5 or 6), just left them all and moved to Hawaii where she still lives, and her dad raised them the rest of the way. He sent them all to boarding school for high school. She has come a long way but she's very hurt/abandoned by this. I think she has PTSD (she suggested it to me and it fits). I think she forgot how to feel good with herself. She's basically moved all over every few years her adult life, all over the world even. I think she's looking for something and never finds it. Her dad made her (yes, made her) do her bachelor's degree in art history, which she didn't give two fucks about, and she had a really hard time with it. She really wanted to study biology and get into that field but she doesn't want to go back to school because it took so much out of her before. I think she feels defeated. Her energy levels are low, she gets excited sometimes but just when she can forget everything and enjoy some moments... often out in nature. It's worst for her this time of the month but I can always see it in her.

I admire her so much because despite this she is unfailingly nice, lovely and kind to me. Everyone loves her who knows her. She's wonderful.

I wish so much that I knew what to do, or if I can do something. I wish I could go inside her head and pull her out of her tangle.
 
The tangle is in her head, if you get in you'll get tangled too. You need to bring her into yours I think. :)

I've spent my adult life trying to extricate myself from my family. Its difficult and makes me lonely but most of my family are just snobs who give no shits for the world beyond money. Its been rewarding as I learned to think for myself. I continue this process and empathise with all going through it.
 
It's funny, she and her dad seem to have a decent relationship now. He lives near here and he and his wife invite us to dinner and such pretty often. I enjoy his company and he really likes me and he obviously cares a whole lot about my girl and his other kids. He does a lot for them. But I think in his age he has realized some of the things he did when they were younger, and he feels really bad. But of course the damage is done.

I am hoping she doesn't get to the point where she feels she has to move away somewhere else and drastically change her life... it's been what she's done various times in the past. The newness makes things exciting for a while and then it's back to feeling lost and unfulfilled. If she leaves I can't follow her... I have a life I have built and am still building here. It would be nonsensical for me to leave and I wouldn't be happy, knowing what I had left behind. I think she knows this too. I just try to be a positive influence, I know I bring her amounts of happiness but you need to have it from within, someone else can't ultimately provide it for you. I also know she has to have something inside that she is passionate about. I believe she just tamped it down a long, long time ago and has forgotten or isn't able to bring it back up.

She wants to try LSD with me sometime... I have this hope that she could have a breakthrough psychedelic experience and it could really help her like it did me. It makes me nervous too though. She's tripped on mushrooms a few times including once with me, she's never gone beyond surface stuff though, and mushrooms always leave her feeling depressed and weird after the trip is over (the trips themselves are fun for her). Years back she did have a breakthrough MDMA experience that she said helped her to deal with a lot of her emotional closed-offedness and changed her life. So she does have some experience with a drug facilitating a positive change. I think she really wants this sort of experience but as we know it's by no means a sure thing. I think mescaline would actually be the best idea for her (and she also wants to try that), but her stomach is extremely sensitive these days and I fear it would rip it apart and ruin the experience.

The more I get to know her, the more I can see that she's been searching for meaning her whole life. The fact that she's managed to become such an awesome person despite her struggles is something I admire greatly, but I can see the pain underneath more and more as we get closer.
 
I find myself at home alone with nothing to do for the first time in quite a while. I am so used to always being busy with things or spending time with friends, I find this a bit disconcerting. At first I spend several hours reading a book, The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. An engrossing tale, though after having just read both of the Kingkiller Chronicle books, it can't quite compare. Not that it's really fair to make the comparison, as both are great. But my thoughts are too spinning, circular and flighty. A bit towards brooding. Why did I let my friend borrow my keyboard? What I really want to do right now is play. It's all I can think of. I go outside and smoke a cigarette, but it feels harsh in my lungs. I breathe in the air and feel a stillness. Something is poised inside, but there is nowhere for it go. But it needs to go somewhere.

Coming inside, my eyes fall on my ex-wife's electric piano. I have not plugged it in or played it since she left almost three years ago. Feelings of disgust well up in me, mostly at myself for how I let myself become with her, but also at her for her treatment of me. How could a person be like that towards someone they love? Or towards someone at all? It was sick. It makes me feel a little dirty for having been a part of it. All the lies, most of all to myself. Covering it up, rationalizing. Allowing her opinions to cut me, the slow loss of grip on myself, the destruction of personality, this was my opinion of myself all along, I just hadn't realized it until she showed me. Cowering, quivering, cowardly. The pain of remembrance quivers on my face for long moments as I stare at the piano.

And then, I plug it in. Mere moments of jostling and dust-brushing reveal its inner light come to life again, a magnificent instrument, once so vibrant and resounding. I find its speakers, ever descending into disrepair, are at last passed, and so I bring out my headphones, which are in fact her headphones; I have been using them all along. I plug them in and begin to play. The notes call out in a poignant soliloquy as my brooding thoughts merge with my hands, and both merge with the piano's soul. I move through progressions tragic and triumphant, sad and joyous, losing myself for an hour or more. I remember her playing this same instrument, her instrument, her brilliant renditions of Bach and Liszt staggering me with their beauty and raw emotion. I remember the love I felt for her then. I feel her pain, the deep, deep pain that has proven too much for her. I remember the poor, sweet, innocent creature that was also her, and my music weeps at the monster that pain unleashed. The piano weeps at the crushing madness that pulled her from it, that squashed such a delicate talent against the rocks of life, against the insatiable beast of expectation, and the cruel teeth of unconfronted pain. An unbending limb is bound to break. Its fall is tragic to behold, and those in its way are battered and lacerated by its passing.

Eventually, I stop playing and words tumble around in my head, wanting to be let out. I oblige them, and sit back down to read some more.
 
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Love the music talk Xorkoth and Xammy posted at the top of this page. Sorcery indeed. As I have spent more time writing the last 3 years and less time making music I now understand deeply how words are an equally potent form of sorcery (casting SPELLS, get it?) if used for that intention. The last couple months however I went back to music and now have a whole album of new music to release. Im currently working with a couple female singer/songwriters to add the divine feminine element to 2 or 3 of the songs, and to marry my equal passions of words and music.

Now that it has been a week since the experience, I am almost ready to share my intense 3meo trips that occurred between Saturday and Monday. I will post to TR section when I get the time to untangle all the words required to cast this unique spell.
 
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