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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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yepyepwoah said:
LIKE Two fucking weekd go I get off paraole. I can smoke again, it's magical.I feel less worried overwall, but I feel closer tan ever than killing myself. I'm tired of being such a fuck up. I bet half my family wouldn't mind.
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I guarantee you they would.

I dunno, I've been suicidal year and have been to hospital and put on meds but none of it really helps. However, I don't feel so acutely suicidal now but I'm on bupe so :\

Despite things being relatively great now, I gotta say 2017 has been one of my worst years. So much fell apart. Now that I'm not totally intoxicated and psychotic I cannot believe the incredible mess I made.

Once you deeply consider ending it the thought is never far from your mind. At least ime.
 
&Those are the thoughts I'm having this morning. That barely anyone would give a fuck and I'd be gone and at peace. That I have no future anyway since Im a fucking dumbass. That I will never end up married with kids for the dumbest fucking reasons. How I am too broke to afford a gram of white on the holidays which I would actually quite enjoy on Christmas morning and new years. Since my friend jacked hundreds of dollars of virtual currency I was psyched about. Fuck. I have to let that go it's over. He got his coke. I got shit and lost a friend. It was meant to be, we will both learn from this.

My life fell apart when I used heroin compulsively for 5 years and it's a fuckin disaster to clean up. I am overwhelmed and sometimes I need a hit. Today it was 23mg etizolam I am so fucking strung out I can barely feel it. Normally like 5 mg would have me numb to this shit. what I really need is a monster dab but shatter is so expensive here and likely trim run I refuse to hit it anymore unless I made it myself once it is legal.

I need to surround myself with positive energy today. The mall is the best place for me today. I can roam around tripping on 2cd (at least I stopped railing those 2c-x's... I had a scab on my nose looked like a meth dude or something picking at my skin but it's just so corrosive). Feel pretty good since I had coconut water laced 2c-d, 3 cups lol, and 3 cups of yaupon or whatever the hell. Nice stim tea best shit ever serious. Good shit right there. So it's holiday season the mall is tricked out with trippy shit people seem happy so if I change my environment, I should be happier today and get a break from the bullshit:)
 
swilow said:
I guarantee you they would.

I dunno, I've been suicidal year and have been to hospital and put on meds but none of it really helps. However, I don't feel so acutely suicidal now but I'm on bupe so :\

Despite things being relatively great now, I gotta say 2017 has been one of my worst years. So much fell apart. Now that I'm not totally intoxicated and psychotic I cannot believe the incredible mess I made.

Once you deeply consider ending it the thought is never far from your mind. At least ime.
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\

meh, my mom and one of my brothers might really. THre rest would be like "good now we can stop cleaning up his messes"


Unless I get a job in like 5 days. I'm not staying at my current rental spot. I'm moving to my moms (if she'll have me. if she won't.well hahah JOKES ON YOU). Sell all my old records and t shirts. Maybe my car. Just move states or countries now that I'm off parole.

Seriously, anyone anwhere but here have a good look on life or a job or SOMETHING it would be awesome.
 
Don't give up yepyep

If I had any idea how to get a good job I'd have one myself, but all we can do is try. I'm pretty low these days myself, all I can do is hope that getting off herb will permit me to find better work (and the motivation to seek it out...)
 
To be honest, I just did 1.5 years and 3.5 on parole. It's stressful as fuck, much less trying to make theses great life chaniging decidisions. Before I was locked up I was working 50-55 hrs a week, taking 3 classes at a time. Was about to complete 50 credits with a ~3.5+.

After I got out I just didn't care anymore.

This is the cloest I've been to not giving a fuck ever. Usually I'll sober up, get the same shit ass type job and soldier on. I always said why kill yourself if you havn't seen places you want to see.

I'm not even applying at in town jobs. I'm applying for season shit in Alaska, Co... well just those so far. Help me out. What are some other good season jobs/states to apply?

I will do anything, literally ANYTHING. I do not care. I just really don't want to die... as much as I do. It makes me sad. If i cried, I'd be crying. Fuck I left a guy a message about shoveling snow all day. I HATE cold. I HATE being wet. LOL

RIght now, if I had 3 g dabs, 3g 2 - fma, and 3g 2 oxo pce. I'd be feeling like getting shit done. Only the feeling of impending doom has me moving now.

Thanks for any advice yall have to givce.
 
I swear I posted something to you. I For sure remember saying as soon as I tasted 2cd, I knew it was for me. Love 2c-c more than b I think 2c-i don't really like. 2c-e is scurry and I'd wanna be at home doing it. If you've never tried plugging em, do it. It's the best. Quicker come up, little bit of bubbling, that's it Oh YEAH 2x as strong usually. fun fun

So wait. you hit a shot of heroin AND 23mg etiz? that's a fuckload homie. Even though they say dying from benzo/thieno'z with a tolerance is hard. I wonder if you could shoot up enough?

Man I know I wrote a post b/c I remember equating your gram of white with a gram of Dabs for me. Wonder what else I said. I probably hit sent, then it said i was logged out and asked for pasword and didn't notice. haha.
 
I dyed my hair pink peony today it is so vibrant it's like I am half-alien. All I need to do to cheer myself up now is look in the mirror and giggle at what the fuck I did to my head. Took 5 hours and 3 bleaches and I have to go back to thin it out tomorrow as it is an alienesque pink bush. Absolutely love it best thing I ever did to my hair.
 
Vortech: Many good thoughts/prayers/vibes to you, my friend.

I feel really grateful and nostalgic this holiday season. It was exactly a year ago that I really started to get my drug & alcohol consumption under control, get into therapy and start putting my life back together again.

It's been a long, strange trip and is still ongoing, but I've made progress in a lot of different ways... even going vegetarian over six months ago and nearly tobacco-free.

My creative side has really been emerging again. I've been composing and recording music, painting with acrylics, sketching and making little "sculptures" out of just about anything from candy wrappers to motor parts.

I made my mom a dream catcher for Christmas and it actually came out pretty cool for something that I've never even attempted before. I basically made it from rope, string, a couple beads & feathers and a little varnish.

Happy Holidays and New Year to everyone! (although I'm sure I'll be around here before that) :D

Dreamflyer​
 
Hey that's awesome about the creativity man. I've been finding new outlets too this autumn: nature/random stuff photography; journal writing; learning Mandarin (the symbols are like artwork to me... I can't paint for shit but I'm great with Chinese symbols); essential oils aromatherapy - so my friend and I are starting up a little business making scented candles, rose bath bombs, scented soaps, body scrubs, essential oil blends... that kind of stuff, all using essential oils and creativity expressed through the olfactory sense. We make a good team since she is excellent at marketing and communications, and we are both good with production and recipes. I am the creative, full of ideas but can't get off my ass and get anything done unless I'm part of a team.

I've been reading a lot and analyzing poetry too. Never been into poetry before, but turns out I really enjoy finding meaning in poems. I've been freestyle rapping too, probably at least an hour a day with my best friend who I speak with in rhymes. I'm also getting into fixing up antique clocks (working on a century year old family heirloom one these days), and also old watches.

That's really cool you made dream catcher! I'd def use hemp rope if I was doing that, bet it's really neat. Happy holidays, good to here you are getting your life together. I am as well. Man dying my hair pink peony yesterday was the best thing I have ever done to my hair in my life. Instead of having black hair, I now have extremely vivid bright pink hair. It is ridiculous. I look like an alien it's so damn awesome I just personally love it. Lil Peep had hairstyles like that who OD'd recently and I was like hey... I should do something crazy with my hair.

So I was there for 5 hours yesterday, they bleached my black hair 3 times then did the pink peony and I can't shower for a few days. Good things I'm a dirty hippie rat fuck lol. I have to go back soon (an hour or two) to get my hair thinned out because it is like a massive pink fro. She didn't have time to cut it yesterday lol. Didn't know what the hell I was getting into haha. So yeah I suppose another new creative outlet of mine would be body modification (face piercings, a few tattoos my friend is sketching for me like a thorny black rose up my forearm underside, and weird as aliens hair... not planning on cutting my dick off or anything).

It's nice to be happy after heavily abusing drugs for a long time. I am a quasi-vegetarian actually, I will have seafood or steak very rarely but the vast majority of what I have is plant based. I never planned for that to happen though my diet was getting diverse enough that I though fuck it why not save some animals, my cooking is pretty scrumptious to me anyway.

Just worked another morning shift had to get up at 3am. Working like 9pm to 5am or something like that tonight. If I get too tired, there is always tea and 2c-d laced water. Happy holidays fellow space cadets!
 
dreamflyer said:
Vortech: Many good thoughts/prayers/vibes to you, my friend.

I feel really grateful and nostalgic this holiday season. It was exactly a year ago that I really started to get my drug & alcohol consumption under control, get into therapy and start putting my life back together again.

It's been a long, strange trip and is still ongoing, but I've made progress in a lot of different ways... even going vegetarian over six months ago and nearly tobacco-free.

My creative side has really been emerging again. I've been composing and recording music, painting with acrylics, sketching and making little "sculptures" out of just about anything from candy wrappers to motor parts.

I made my mom a dream catcher for Christmas and it actually came out pretty cool for something that I've never even attempted before. I basically made it from rope, string, a couple beads & feathers and a little varnish.

Happy Holidays and New Year to everyone! (although I'm sure I'll be around here before that) :D

Dreamflyer​
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That's great man, I'm happy for you. :) I remember when I got off opiates, my level of creativity and motivation went crazy. Same when I more recently started drinking less and quit stimulants. It feels so good, a natural high. :)

My "vacation" to visit my family has been going pretty well. It's also really stressful because my dad is almost unable to talk now, it's so hard to see him so degenerated. Plus I have chosen to ignore my methy friend and I'm somewhat worried he's gonna just show up, and I'm also feeling really bad because I know he feels abandoned by me but I just think it's been worse to actually engage with him. Plus everything reminds me of him, and everyone I see asks me about him so I have to keep telling the story. But, it's great to be with my family. And my girlfriend is mixing with them so much better this year, it's really heartwarming. She's so helpful and sweet, she's really being there for me dad and having great conversations with everyone. Last year she was very shy and I felt like she was a bit of a burden on me (not through anything she did but just because I was always worrying about whether she was comfortable), but this year she's fitting right in. :) She even sat with us during a family counseling session which was cool.

I got to see a good friend from college and man was that fun. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get to see another old friend. And I've been spending time with my brother which is great.
 
She is pretty much totally fucking amazing. :) I love her so much. I lucked out so hard that her friend convinced her (grudgingly) to join Ok Cupid right when I was on there, and that she found me and reached out. Such an epic score. <3 Just a good, good woman, and fun and sexy and cute besides. :)
 
Man. I went out drinking with some coworkers last night. One girl said, "I've never see you smile till tonight Cream Gravy?"

Really telling of how much I hate my job :\

Was a fun night though!
 
It's amazing how people still believe and research irrational conspiracy theories while under the influence of LSD or other psychedelic substances. That's just me, though.
 
I got a whole bunch of literature to help me through withdrawal... Pynchon, Wallace, and a couple Kerouac novels. I have only read The Dharma Bums by him and loved it. I got Mason and Dixon, The Pale King, On the Road, and Big Sur. Got my little brother Doors of Perception, Heaven and Hell since he has been wanting to read so Aldous Huxley for a while.

I somehow got an oxycodone script over 2 weeks early. My desire to get them that morning must have overpowered the system and the lady working there was new. I think I hustled a bit and just ended up with them somehow, never been able to get them a day early. I am dealing with it in a good way I think. Just mild irritability anyway. I ended up using 7 out of 9 days and I can't be sick during the holidays everyone will notice so I am tapering down in my journal for a couple days to nothing. So far so good, enjoying the holidays feeling like a have a mild case of the flu. Making good decisions all the time, this incarnate.

I can't believe how much I miss her. The girl I like. I didn't realize that when she is gone on vacation for 3 weeks I would miss her at all, but I miss her so much at is unbearable. Harder to deal with than whatever than oxy binge did to me. I am going to have to keep busy. I was just out in the snow for a 2 hour walk it was lovely. I got all these books as well to keep myself preoccupied. I'm going to write in my journal about her I met her, and what we have been like together so far. That will help me process stuff. I'm going to get out as much as I can just exploring random places in the city and stuff. I have to work all night tonight and I am already tired. I have a lot of mixed feelings with her but I like her more than I thought I did if I miss her this much... we work a lot of the same shifts and they won't be the same without her. I am actually quite sad about this... that feeling will pass though, and she will likely return home after vacation. Hit me light a train kinda, when I realized what I was feeling was that I was missing her a lot.
 
come on, somebody. Hook up a shistty seasonal part time job.

I applied with an Alaskan processin place.They do an intervnew at a large hotel in my area early Jan. according to them the season is alllready started i'm just trying to get someone on the pnone like "look, i'm a felon, who cares right? if I show up I have the job?" Of course no one will be in office til the 27.

I'm apply mostly alaska, utah, coloroada, and places home just in case.

I'm tryin so hard No suicide this year I gotta quit the weed. Either that or use the synthetic. Anyone who has used synthetic piss pm me please.
 
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