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☮ Social ☮ PD Social: swirling into homeostasis

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SomeKindaLove said:
I'm being halfway facetious and I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not talking about doing drugs out of boredom. My drug intake has gone way down over the years, way down, it's mostly functional now ... stuff that I suppose I can't really do without, that I feel are more beneficial that not (hence, stuff I don't have good reasons not to do). But truth be told I'm not familiar enough with a drug free lifestyle to truly go there at all. I've been doing drugs for a lot of years.
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Naw I understood you, my reply wasn't really a "reply" just a related thought haha.

The reason this is bothering me so much is because I have lived a drug free lifestyle and I was much happier. It's so much simpler. I didn't magically "conform" and being a square lame-o like a lot of drug users my age think getting clean is. I maintained everything drugs ever "taught" me, I still walked around with wonder about the world around me. Now I don't even do that, I just wake up pretend to live and go back to sleep.

Bleh what happened to my mood in the last hour. I'm sick of this up and down.
 
I remember what being drug free more or less was, but actually I don't, because I drinking heavily at the time (freshman year of college). Fuck it, drugs are a part of me, they might as well be grafted onto my DNA. Although what I do these days could be better termed "meds."
 
Yeah I know what you guys are talking about, there are recreational drugs I still want to do but I don't feel comfortable doing them at all - that's supposed to be over for a good while.

And I just keep missing experimenting with novel compounds, there are a bunch laying on the shelf begging to be tried.

There are definitely other things to do with my life but I have gotten really lazy. When I do invest energy in being creative and making progress in my life with nice and constructive things I feel like that is the way to go, but still every time I am reminded of those unimaginable states of consciousness that are possible I wonder how I am ever going to put that aside and feel whole even if it turns out I can never do them again.

Oh, and ketamine is a bitch. I keep coming back and I hate that I do that to myself. Now I am expecting a vial on my old address that I will be putting aside, can anyone tell me from experience once you have tried I.M. does the addiction thing get a lot deeper? Or is it merely a more effective method.
 
I wound up doing it i.v. towards the end of my several months long K binge, and then it got ugly.
 
Solipsis said:
Hey Psocks, where are you in your journey now? Thought you went to NC (that is probably some time ago already), but how about farther destinations? :)
Hope you are well man
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Hey man, In Florida right now. It's sunny and hot. :)

Just living the good life; reading, eating, swimming, working out. I'm feeling very healthy; much healthier than I've been in a long time. The stresses of work and the rut at home has mostly melted away and I can now focus on my own development; mind, body, spirit. I'm gaining weight and have one hell of a tan. :)

Got a surfboard, there isn't much in the way of waves here but there's a cold front coming this weekend so there's likely going to be some good swells then, I'm looking forward to trying it out.

I'm here for another month and a bit before heading off to central america. :)

Sorry to hear about your K troubles dude.

I think part of what SKL recently wrote stands true. Those unimaginable states you get with it is just you getting "very, very high". Just look at it for what it is; a very nice euphoric state brought on a by a recreational drug.

Perhaps you should start looking at K as something you used previously in life (put it in the past); I'm sure there's lots of things you used to do years ago that you don't do anymore.

I'm not in it so of course I don't know all the dynamics of the situation. I just know this has gone on for a long time and would really like to see you ditch it.

At the very least; not moving on to more efficient methods of administration is likely a good call. <3
 
seriously considering joining up to the British Army.
would you fellas say that a broken heart is a bad reason to join?

i understand that over 50% of recruits join up because of females fucking them up/over.

i have been doing physical labour my whole life (since 14 upwards).
i know how to deal with people.
if i can handle 4 months of intense emotional and psychological torture, i think i can handle 3 and a half of phase 1 (basic) training.


what do you guys think?
also im off all drugs for a long time while i go through therapy sessions with my best friend (who happens to be a psychologist)
been coughing up black shit as my lungs begin their natural healing process again ;)

high five for the drug that is sobriety!!!
 
If you feel like you can handle that amount of structure and discipline and all that, I'd say go for it, as long as you are making the commitment with full understanding of what it's gonna mean. And that would mean that a broken heart is probably a bad reason. But if that's just the impetus for you to leave where you're at now, it might be a decent option. I believe there is a great deal of honor in a military career.
 
for a long, LONG time now, i have wanted to leave my home area. its depressing, boring, and im going nowhere.
another thing is i want to prove her wrong.
(she said that i should respect soldiers as they do something i could never do. she has put me down a fair bit in the time ive known her. i want to rub it in her fucking face if im honest)

what appeals to me is the pay, the travel opportunities, and the experiences.
there is a guy in my work who was in the army for 5 years. from the sounds of things the only bad point is getting up at 5am each day :/
aside from that, most of the time i can keep my head down and just get on with things.
ie i am the type who can become a robot that does as instructed for 9 hours a day,
but at the same time i am not afraid to talk back and speak my mind
(which is what worries me- as in, will i be able to keep my mouth shut towards some smarmy wee prickhead drill sergeant?)


my two decisions are either military, (i could leave after phase one training- 14 weeks of good pay)
or voluntarily admitting myself to a psych ward, where i can talk shit out with qualified professionals,
be sedated daily to stop my moods, have a quiet place to rest, food in my gut, and not have to worry about all the bullshit (ie work, family, everything..)

im really at my rag's end here and don't know what to do with myself.


I know i've not been around much lately, but I hope all my PD & rest-of-BL brethren are doing good and keeping well. :D
 
Sega420 said:
what appeals to me is the pay, the travel opportunities, and the experiences.
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Sega420 said:
ie i am the type who can become a robot that does as instructed for 9 hours a day,
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By these statemetns I'd say maybe go for it, as long as this is a REASONED decision on your part, and you have a good idea of what you are getting into, it sounds like you might.

But if you are feelnig like you are worthy of inpatietn psychiatric care the military is probably not a great place to go ... putting yourself under stress/even battlefield conditions is not a thing to do if you are feeling psychologically fragile.

An acquaintance of mine from high school who was always sort of an awkward guy,etc went int othe army for lack of anythign else I think under not dissimilar circumstanes and wound up being gung-ho as they come, in the special forces and shit, he loved it ... unfortunately he lost a leg to an IED a few years back ...

which is something to keep in mind as well ... obviously this should go without saying but you are taking your life in your hands ...

But I still think it is an honorable thing to do (even though I hate the current wars that my country is in)
 
Everyone I know who has been through the military says "Don't do it!" That includes people who got out before Iraq and Afghanistan.

It's really not a good idea to make a decision like that right after a traumatic break up, especially not to "rub her face in it." Give not having anything to do with her for at least a month a chance before you do anything drastic. Once you sign those papers you're fucked. If you still feel like you do now then there are less committal ways to get out of your current scene that don't involve 4 of the best years of your life and risking your life regularly with little chance of meeting another woman. You can always do volunteer work over seas, teach English there, or even ride the rails with junkie homeless people if you're looking to break out of your element (just make sure you don't become a junkie yourself!).
 
My main issue with the army is this:

(I'm talking about like real battles/wars where you must kill or be killed.)

You are in battle and you must kill people, whom you would probably never think about killing if your country wasn't telling you that you must now kill these people.

I duno it's hard for me to explain, I just hate the whole idea that you have to kill people over mostly stupid reasons that shouldn't even exist, if it wasn't for stupid governments and shit.

Fuck I suck at articulating thoughts into written format when stoned.



Like seriously I don't even know if any of that up there makes sense... :|
 
I think both of the wars that we are fighting right now are utterly fucked, but I still have the utmost respect for people who are putting their life on the line.
 
Like do we really need to have soldiers fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan? Is it actually necessary?

I genuinely don't know lol, I have no knowledge of what that war is about, is it terrorists?

Should I know the answer?
 
tBirdee said:
I genuinely don't know lol, I have no knowledge of what that war is abou
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for a good basic understanding read Clash of Civilizations by Samuel Huntington and Blowback: The Costs and Consequences of American Empire and its 2 sequels by Chalmers Johnson
 
tBirdee said:
My main issue with the army is this:

(I'm talking about like real battles/wars where you must kill or be killed.)

You are in battle and you must kill people, whom you would probably never think about killing if your country wasn't telling you that you must now kill these people.

I duno it's hard for me to explain, I just hate the whole idea that you have to kill people over mostly stupid reasons that shouldn't even exist, if it wasn't for stupid governments and shit.

Fuck I suck at articulating thoughts into written format when stoned.



Like seriously I don't even know if any of that up there makes sense... :|
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Nah, I think that made perfect sense. I always said I would never go to war. I mean, maybe if like China was literally invading our land from the sea with the intent on enslaving or killing us all, okay. But I just never want to have to kill someone. I DON'T want to know what that feels like. I DON'T want to know what it would be like to know that you did. Just... no. I'd run to Canada in a SNAP if there was a mandatory draft like for Vietnam, and if they caught me, I'd refuse and go to prison before going to war.
 
Lately I've been on a plant/botanicals kick as the 5-HTP/ECGC combo seems to be working. I'm experiencing some drowsiness and other side effects of the 5-HTP, but it's nothing that can be managed by taking the stuff later on, or having another cup of green tea. I want to try smoking the rue on top of a ~2g dose of mushrooms like McKenna suggests for a burst of visuals.
 
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