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heyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Bluelight, and PD I have not stumbled in here for some time.

Apologies, that it is under these circumstances of me and chardonnay taking a mental walk down several lanes.

nearjat, do what you have to do to feel better, but the grass is always green. Just remember how fortunate you are with uni and the like before you make any possibly impulsive decision. xo

--

Roger&me, kind burned my feelings on the whole junkies being self centered man. Though I get and understand where you are coming from, just hits home AFA opiate usage-- been clean 5 months now. :) Cheers, but I get it -- I rarely see anyone anymore due to the nature of that "scene" or lack thereof but then again SWFL seems to be nothing but comatose social outcasts chasing that next run.
 
Winding Vines said:
Roger&me, kind burned my feelings on the whole junkies being self centered man. Though I get and understand where you are coming from, just hits home AFA opiate usage-- been clean 5 months now. :)
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I didn't mean to come off as harsh. Sometimes I think I'm not so great about conveying tone over the interwebs, I have a really intense discussion style naturally. Rest assured that I'm quite compassionate towards their dilemma, I came to my conclusion from spending time as a self-centered junkie myself, and losing friends etc. I'm not being judgmental, just being truthful. It is what it is.

Congrats on getting clean, btw! :) <3
 
Yeah I'm just fucking up really bad in school and dont have even the tiniest clue what I want to be doing. I feel like I'm wasting a LOT of money. Just a community college but still, i cant afford that shit.
 
Never Knows Best said:
Do you have hard to hit veins, or are they just really incompetent? You can always tell them to use your lucky vein, if you have one.
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My veins are being elusive, have already been pricked in the past few days, bruise easy because of the blood thinners, and yes there are some nurses who i feel just don't know what they are doing. Luckily there has been a handful who have been doing an amazing job which I'm grateful for.

Hopefully I'll get a bit of sleep tonight before this procedure. Just took some more xanax and had another dose of hydromorphone. Time to watch a little tv thenpass out.
 
LSDMDMA&9581403 said:
you're mad lucky Never that you haz methamphetamine
i wants to try methamphetamine :(
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I kind hope that you choose not to if given the chance. If you like stimulants, you will fucking LOVE meth :\

I'm not a huge stimulant fan though...I like some peeveeeeee and desoxy, but they both really fuck with the head; plus I need to be careful about having a fit. :|

Tell you whats weird; my old man died last year, and the family have all been trying to help my mum. My uncle (my dads bro) has been especially good, staying over withme ma- she's pretty frazzled and is 60 years old, and has lived kinda rough- so she needs a bit of love and care. Though- and this is the weird part- I'm pretty sure her and my uncle are doing the dirty business :D I don't know whether to laugh or cry...;)

Roger said:
Personally I've found that life is much happier & easier when I avoid the dope scene at all costs. Its such a diseased lifestyle choice that its just kinda sad and distressing having to come in contact with it. I honestly can't stand junkies because they're completely self-centered people by nature; if they weren't one when they started, they sure become one by the time they get strung out. I've lost so many good friends to heroin its just ridiculous, good people that turned into complete zombies after a while on that stuff.
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I agree by and large, but I think there is a big difference between a heroin ADDICT and a heroin junky. I know that I'm an addict, even if I'm not using drugs especially reglarly; but even when I was getting on morphine/heroin/opiates-in-general daily, I never really became a junky. Sure, getting high (or alleviating withdrawal as it almost always tunrs into!!! :!) took up a lot of my time, but because I had access to pharmaceutical quality morphine, and because my dad was able to 'transform' codeine to morphine (and then to heroin some times) and yield a very pure product, I never got so strung out and desperate that I would have to, say, steal, lie, cheat, fake, etc. I am not a functional addict (whateverthat really mean), but I never felt like a junky. Quality of life was still good, but always the monkey chitter-chattering on my back...

I just find the cravings to be so powerful that I literally cannot control myself. A few weeks ago, every 20-30 mins I would decide okay, I'm gonna get high; I would start walking to get my dope (which I stashed in the kitchen) and, while I was walking I would change my mind, and yet stilll keep walking to get the shit. I felt like a magnet, being drawn to do something I neither wanted nor planned to do, and yet I needed it. The best solution was to give all my opiates to a close friend, because I often mindlessly succumb to the desperate NEED...Even now, if I'm near a pharmacy, I feel like I'm pulled in to buy codeine; its a really frightening feeling to be honest....:| But I just have to keep making the same decision,and saying no- but fuck, will I hav to do this for the rest of my life?

Hmm, end rant....:)
 
yeah. i decided i am gonna keep going with my cutting down/stopping doing amphet after tonight, i dont want to fall back into that dumbass routine again. Its gonna suck but i've gotta do it sooner or later and the sooner the better, at least ATM i haven't been doing it NEARLY as much so quitting getting high wont be as difficult.
i went a month of getting high once a week for 3 weeks, which is way less than i used to, and ATM i'm high and thinking "well this is nice but its not worth all the trouble it causes"
oh well, honestly things didnt really get worse having to put up with having much less amphetamines in me, so i think i want to stop after tonight. I'm definitely not doing it again anytime soon, cause i can tell if i dont put my foot down hard now, its just gonna go back to what it was, but worse and after having cut way back i started to realize its not worth it at all, i went with way less for a while, i dont want to throw that away. My goal ATM is to not do it again tomorrow, then this week, then for a month, etc.
I think this time i wont be thinking about "oh never do it again", ill just take it day by day as a certain smart guy told me is best.
 
Willow you describe my opiate use pretty accurately, even though I've never experienced withdrawal somehow. I don't mean to make it sound mystical or some shit, but I just can't make myself believe that I can ever totally stop. I can take breaks sure, but NEVER again? They've had a hold on my head for a while.
 
Mornin' PD. I went to sleep earlyish while fairly drunk, and woke up and it was dark outside and I was confused. Then i realized it was 5:30. I couldn't go back to sleep so i spent the last two hours listening to music. Now I gotta get up and go to work. Silly alcohol.
 
Man procedure today... trying to get calm as possible but they are stingy with the xanax.... probably gonna switch to versd... doesn't make much sense that they will give me versed over xanax...
 
I've actually been pretty happy the last few weeks with just my weed and daily vyvanse, but yeah I don't think I'll ever forget how great opiates feel.
 
Hey, anyone got experience with phenibut as a anxiety-reducer/sleep aid during or after psychedelic trips? Anyone use phenibut regularly? Have you gone through withdrawls?

I'm thinking about trying it out, seems relatively safe, I don't want to use benzos.
 
I love opiates and have managed to keep myself a recreational user for the past 7 years. Extremely happy I've managed to keep it like that, because I do love to be able to enjoy them from time to time and not let it make a dent in my life at any point.

yumm, xanax, hydromorphone, adderall, and versd.
 
Man I suck at math, I'm actually starting to want to get better at it though, as I've been getting back into the groove of it. Fuck am I ever behind, though. :/
 
Feeling pretty good besides the headache and general shittiness of the meth comedown. I was gonna do a sample shot, but I ended up registering too much blood and accidently pulled the rig (my last one) out and then it coagulated pretty quickly. So I just sublingualed it (it tasted bloody eww) and snorted the rest of the bag, and I'm glad things turned out that way. I am done with the needle forever, I mean, lately I've been realizing that it really was a bit of a habit for me.

Anyway, I pulled weeds for five hours straight today, filled two green waste bins with nothing but foxtails (which are really small, so that gives you an idea of how messy our back yard is). The good thing about my drug use coming out in the open due to my gang problems, is that I was able to tell my dad that I was on meth (said I had been saving it for an occasion such as today, where I was too sore to due physical labor but needed to motivation+energy+analgesia) and that I wanted to engage in chatter (instead of the past where if I used a stimulant I had to keep quiet so as not to act out of character). So now I can prattle on endlessly about not just drugs, but my drug use. Hooray. Well, I mean, I probably wouldn't do it while sober, but whatever. And even though my dad is so straight edge he doesn't even drink or smoke (mostly because he knows he has a very addictive personality and booze makes him violent), he's had plenty of weird experiences with drug users and stuff since he was always self-employed and knows strange people, so it's cool to exchange stories.

Also good, I expressed I wanted to be able to use all drugs in my current possession and keep on purchasing "legal" ones for occasional use, and he assented, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'll try to keep my illegal use down to pharms on occasion (and meth, since I can get that and really only want to use it for preternatural motivation and energy, and occasion).

I think these recent turns of events will be really good for me, I'm having heart-to-heart conversations with family for the first time, and they've agreed to help me handle my problems and not just provide food/shelter.

Antioxidants+low dose NMDA antagonist is good for countering meth toxicity, right? I didn't take any before hand, but when my arms were getting tingly I remembered that and took some kind of vegatable antioxident extract thing, and a lil' DXM.

Also, llama, if you ever get meth, DO NOT SMOKE IT. I remember you saying you wanted to, and based off my now trying speed'n'ice through oral, smoked, and snorted ROA, I am advising you strongly against it. Obviously oral has too much perihperal stimulation, but smoked has horrible duration (like 1 hour later I was jonesing to redose, and 3 hours later I was in full on crash). I'm not big and stims and that shit made me fiend, so for you...I don't want to see you end up a tweaker, I mean, the only two long term meth addicts I know, one is sort of schizo (but jovial while high), and the other is just a barely functioning zombie while sober. I know several people who can keep smoking to once a week or so, but given your predisposition towards amphetamine addiction, there's a 99% chance you'll end up addicted or go on crazy benders. I want the best for you man. Snorting is better overall.

Edit: I just learned from my dad that my mom was quite the pot smoking acid head in her younger years, I had no idea! Though this does explain why in spite of being a life long Catholic she holds a lot of very Buddhist spiritual beliefs. Apparently she quit everything after getting in a car accident while high. Actually it does make sense, since two of her siblings are regular herb-smoking alcoholics (that's all they admit to, but they've implied more). My uncle on my dad's side was the area's (back when this area used to be just groves, not suburbs) the largest supplier of herb and coke, and I already knew he was into barbs/benzos from some old bottles I found in the attic last year. I think my grandmother was a barbiturate addict too at one point. Lol, I thought my family was so conservative my whole life, since they tried very hard from keeping me from being deliquent in any way, but it was all based off of experience. Interesting things we learn as an adult, eh? (Though I personally think honesty would have put me on a better path, and helped me avoid stumbling into addiction on my own, but whatever).
 
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Working 8-5 kinda sucks. It'll probably suck less once I get my first paycheck, though.

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