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Fall is so nostalgic, and it really gets trigged by all sorts of sensory keys

Well, its spring in Australia now, but I think the weeks/months surrounding a seasonal change invoke a feeling of nostalgia. Spring and autumn are both very evocative; I don't find winter to be very nostalgia-inducing though, in fact, I fucken hate it. And now I'm going to be flying into it :|

I've discovered a great excuse for using ketamine though; I won't be bringing it with me on my travels, so I really better use it before I go. I feel that I've perfectly justified it.

Incidentally, I think about 50mg's of ket with about 40mg's of 2C-D is wonderful. I decided to IV the both last night and received an extraordiniary glow :) Last of my 2C-D though, but used well.
 
I've noticed this. I don't know anyone here yet and I'm finding myself kinda anti-social. I find amp makes me motivated but kinda robotic and serious. I don't have the desire to start conversing with people I don't know (well, less than I would if I wasn't on amp anyway). It's great around people I already know but when I'm around a bunch of strangers I just stick to my bubble, exchanging words only when needed and not conversationally, although I am friendly and upbeat when I do exchange words for utilitarian reasons.

And I am sorta jealous of all you guys who are just like "Yeah, next time I go see my doc I'm going to get some of this, and some of this, etc." Jesus, how do you guys do it? Do all of you have solid ADHD cases? I couldn't get amps scripted in a million years here. I even read something about the university clinic having the policy of not scripting amps/mph unless they get a letter from your family doctor documenting your history. They do this of course because of the cognitive performance enhancing thing, but even my family doc would never script me amps.

You guys make it sound like it's as easy as walking in and straight out asking for a monthly bottle of dexies. Jellin' :p

Dopamine agonists or ketamine help greatly to resolve some of the anti-social aspects of amphetamine I find. I started to take pramipexole again as right now my RLS is getting extremely annoying and have to wait till october till I can see the neurologist Hoping it wont take as long to get through the adaption period to avoid alot of the unwanted side-effects, but even from the get go its anti-depressant and sociability effects are noticed. It did take maybe one to three days initially, but I'm finding a restart after about two weeks off to let it start the soon after taking it. It also helps deal with amphetamine comedowns which is nice.

I have a long history of something being off with me with learning and social skills since pre-school and play groups. After the 8th grade I finally saw the doctor for it and was prescribed medication. Basically just answered a questionnaire, and had my mom vouch for my history of ADHD symptoms. Wasn't much hassle at all. If I didn't get prescribed amphetamine then, it would probably be 10x harder to try and get a script as an adult though. Don't 100% care that I have a script, but it is better than not in a lot of ways. Stimlants haven't been that effective for me. My ADHD has effected my life extremely significantly, and is the a huge contributing factor to the negative problems in my life. I wish when I was younger I had behavioral therapy and a role model to learn to live with the symptoms, as well as give me support on a friendship/mentor level (didn't find my parents parenting, or what I see parenting to be in the modern world in the US to be very effective).
 
Any of you dope users or ex-dope users know any etiquette for trying to find connects at a needle exchange? the kind that pulls up in an ambulance...lol I'm getting absolutely robbed by my current connect and not really lookin to quit quite yet. Just paid an obscene amount of money to the guy and was given a quarter of the already low amount it usually gets me. I'm probably just gonna try gettin' back on that tar train. Shits soooo cheap, my habit would be easy to afford then :) Weeeee
 
willow said:
I could talk a leg of a chair when I'm on amphetamines.

Same, and normally people struggle to get more than a sentence out of me at a time, if even that much.

Argh, I knew falling off the responsible use train wouldn't lead to anything good, I'm a bit sniffly today but I'm gonna do more anyway. Let's try chasing~


[quote='jat]Just paid an obscene amount of money to the guy and was given a quarter of the already low amount it usually gets me. I'm probably just gonna try gettin' back on that tar train. Shits soooo cheap, my habit would be easy to afford then Weeeee
[/quote]

You're an IV man right, you also shoot black? I don't have the courage (yet). I mean the color of the water is just, bleh.

Edit: Chasing results: All the opiate nausea with none of the euphoria...fuck this. Gonna waterline some and get my nod onnnn.
 
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Any of you dope users or ex-dope users know any etiquette for trying to find connects at a needle exchange? the kind that pulls up in an ambulance...lol I'm getting absolutely robbed by my current connect and not really lookin to quit quite yet. Just paid an obscene amount of money to the guy and was given a quarter of the already low amount it usually gets me. I'm probably just gonna try gettin' back on that tar train. Shits soooo cheap, my habit would be easy to afford then :) Weeeee
you should really consider getting clean. The sooner you do it the easier it'll be.
 
Well, its spring in Australia now, but I think the weeks/months surrounding a seasonal change invoke a feeling of nostalgia. Spring and autumn are both very evocative; I don't find winter to be very nostalgia-inducing though, in fact, I fucken hate it. And now I'm going to be flying into it :|

Wouldn't you be flying into summer, not winter?

I find autumn to be nostalgic as well, but I also find winter to be very nostalgic too. Everything's peaceful, quiet, dull. Frosty the snowman and various winter themed christmas type songs bring out the snowy winter's morn type feeling and feelings of childhood. Then again as a Canadian boy in the country I spent a lot of time speeding down hills on toboggans, climbing back up the hill and do it over again many times for hours on end, maybe that's why winter has that nostalgia feeling to it.

Spring and summer are the opposite to me, very uppity, energetic, not sappy and nostalgic.

I could talk a leg of a chair when I'm on amphetamines.

Me and everyone else I know too, but for me I'm only like that with people I already know. For me to break the ice with a stanger when I'm stimulated it harder than when I'm sober.

Today I'm using Ethylphenidate (not methylphenidate, it's the ethyl analogue). I'm going to start cutting back on the stim use for social anxiety reasons; once I get to know more people I might start up again.
 
Meh... I'm really down on myself right now :|

I had two tests this week, and I thought I had all the material down pretty well for the first one, so I ended up spending most of my time studying for the second test (which was a much harder test). Well I ended up getting a goddamn D on the first one, even though it wasn't that hard. So fucking stupid, its not even because I didn't know the material, its just because I didn't practice it enough so I wasn't able to solve all the problems in the allotted time. I got the lowest grade in the class of 10 other seniors. :(

I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I never actually felt stupid until I started studying science. Its so tiring being evaluated in comparison to these geniuses and whiz-kid problem solvers all the time; my peers are very smart and pulled-together people, much more so than I am. This often makes me feel slow, unintelligent, and small. Not even to mention my professors, who all have PhD's from prestigious schools and excel in their field... I'm sure they think I'm one ride on the short bus away from competing in the special olympics!

Sometimes I overhear my classmates saying stuff like "yeah I got a B in that class and it totally wrecked my GPA", etc.. and it literally makes my chest ache because I work my ass off to get B's and B-'s... my transcript is full of them, with a few C's thrown in there too. I'm always treading water and busting my ass for mediocre grades, and I feel like I haven't really gotten anything in return for all the work I've done. But more so than anything, and this scares me the most, I feel like I've also probably fucked my chances of pursuing any type of meaningful education beyond my B.Sc., as I can't imagine many graduate schools would be thrilled to accept someone with a bunch of B's and C's and precious few A's on their academic record

I haven't felt this low down and shitty about myself in a while, honestly. If I wasn't a senior and almost done with my degree I might just say fuck it and give up entirely. I have such a love/hate relationship with chemistry.. mostly because its the only thing I've ever cared about being good at, and I'm really not very good at it. Apparently there isn't a place in science for people like me, so what's the point? I'm not good at being in a high pressure situation and solving 20 problems in a row without making any mistakes, which is the meat and bones of what scientists do for a living, so really I'm about as useful as a doorstop. I'm a fucking poser, really.. just a poser non-scientist who couldn't solve their way out of a wet paper bag. I feel like I should get a job selling ladies shoes or something, because I'll never be able to make a living using the peanut-sized piece of gray matter that I call my brain.

Honestly, I don't know who I was trying to fool anyways by trying to become any type of legitimate person.. I was a punk ass, drug-using criminal as a kid and I'll most likely be just that until the day I die. I made crappy grades in high school and only got into a decent college because my parents are both alumni 8), which basically makes me a fraud who shouldn't even be there in the first place. I really don't know where to go from here, but I'll be graduating next fall and all I have to show for my preposterously overpriced education is a long string of mediocre grades and a deep sense of disappointment.

Meh, I'm not trying to be such a downer, I just really needed to get that off my chest. Things just don't seem like they're working out well for me, and I have absolutely no idea what the future may hold. :|
 
Inch away from blindness in my right eye. Dirty great gash above it instead, grimly deep and gruesomely bloody. Stitches suck and as does the potential scar :(
 
Roger I know how you feel man. My grades I have been getting in college lately have really been getting me down too. There have been several times on tests when I studied hard and really knew the material, would take the test then get back with a bad grades. Lots of times the mistakes are stupid careless ones that have nothing to do with understanding the material. When I get the test back I'll be like how the hell did I get that part wrong I could of sworn I wrote the right answer. Sometimes I'll think one thing and wright another when taking a test. There have been times; for example on a physics exam I would get the harder problems right. Some of them I went into the test not even understanding that much but would still figuire out and get them right, unfortinialy I'll end up making mistakes on the easy problems. My health issues like my chronic pain, insomnia, and other stuff are also really making it very hard to excell in school

The real depressing is the fact that this is something I'm very motivated to do and want but I think my goal of geting a doctorate in pharmacology and toxicology is dead. I don't think I will even make it to grad school. I made the mistake of taking too big of a coarse load last semester. I decided to take this semester off do to how stressed I have been and my health issues. I really want to continue on and try to make it to grad school especially since I only have a small amount of pre-reqs left. I already have all my general and math credits done; I just need to knock out some of the sciences I have left. I want this to work out so much but I am starting to lose hope after multiple setbacks.
 
Roger man, if you're not smart I have no idea what that makes the rest of us.

Even if your grades are like you say they are you can take a 5th year if you don't get in off the bat. When I was working in that lab all the seniors doing projects were applying to med school and those that didn't get in stayed for a 5th year of undergrad to try again. The guy I actually knew who did that got in on the second round.

And I empathize on that whiz-kid story; I see people in lectures facebooking, listening to music and not even paying attention. That pisses me right off; damn spoiled snobs who don't even have the humility to sit through a lecture and actually learn something. Those are sometimes the ones who pull stuff out of their ass come exam time and do well in the course. :X

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you're crashing off amps? Don't get all defeatist all of a sudden, hold it together, work, do your best, and take the measures needed to get where you want to be. If they didn't let people with your intellect into grad school, there wouldn't be a grad school.
 
Yeah i def. saw amp crash in that rant tbh, i do the same sort of shit when i crash.
rog you're probably the smartest one in here
if PD was a drug ring
you'd be the chemist up top.
 
I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I never actually felt stupid until I started studying science. Its so tiring being evaluated in comparison to these geniuses and whiz-kid problem solvers all the time

Yeah, count me in to that boat too! I was always at the top of my class in high school, so I went into college-level physics thinking I was Mr. Brilliant, but my classmates burst that bubble pretty quick.

The reality is, in every field, whether it's science or the arts or professional-league sports, there's that top tier of incredibly gifted people, and unfortunately this order of skill is a statistical anomaly. It's simply unrealistic to judge yourself against these people, or expect yourself to meet their level. If you can't compete, it doesn't mean that you were lazy or unmotivated, or frittered away your time -- it just means that you didn't happen to be gifted with a brain in the 99.99th percentile of capacity for solving complex equations.

my peers are very smart and pulled-together people, much more so than I am.

They may be good at what they study, but I'll bet they don't have half the personality and sense of humor that you do. And I say that simply on the basis of text you've written on the internet!
 
They may be good at what they study, but I'll bet they don't have half the personality and sense of humor that you do. And I say that simply on the basis of text you've written on the internet!

Good call. I'm not sure if it applies to grad school but it sure as hell does with med school; personality is huge; sometimes more important than marks. They'll take a B student who has a friendly humorous personality over an A+ Sheldon Cooper as standard practice.
 
You're an IV man right, you also shoot black? I don't have the courage (yet). I mean the color of the water is just, bleh.

Edit: Chasing results: All the opiate nausea with none of the euphoria...fuck this. Gonna waterline some and get my nod onnnn.
Naw I do powder but would gladly switch to tar because of the massive price/potency difference for the better.

Yeah I should quit but I'm not going to quite yet, reasoning? No good reason I just like getting high.
 
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