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☮ Social ☮ PD Social: now with ∞% more fractals!

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Heh I'm excited:
My school is buying me a new laptop
lenovo x200 tablet with:::
intel core i7 2.7GHz
8GB DDR3
128GB solid state hard drive!!!!



And space jam is freakin awesome always
 
I'm back for good this time. Moved and settled. Had to get some shit in place for the next year or so this summer, along with I'd admit an mini oxy addiction that held me in my own world for a little bit.

Hello my PD family
 
I had to make some tough decisions and cut out drugs completely for a few months. As one of my best friends told me, if you can't take atleast month of all substances, then you are in trouble. I began to get to the point were drugs consumed me everyday, making every day till the point of getting high, drunk, etc seem like forever. Even went through some minor opiate withdrawals over the summer (doing 60-120mgs of oxy for four to fives days, then taking 4-5 days off only todo it again, over and over)
 
I'll admit, nothing like 120mg of oxy + fat bowls +/- benadryl. Opiates grab you by the balls though, starting with a light touch that is hardly noticeable, but after a few days, its like someone dragging you to the atm and your dealers house completely by your balls alone. Not really trying to get that deep again. I've kept myself 7-8 years of ocasional use, either one binge, or once a week for only a few weeks, with large (months +) breaks in the between, but this summer after getting slightly hooked after my time in the hospital (damn you 2mg hydromorphone IV x5-8 times a day), I fell into a small addiction. Taking atleast a month off from everything (weed, alcohol, and tobacco included), and probably atleast 6 months before I let myself touch an opiate which will probably just be kratom for some relaxation.

though I will be using my adderall as prescribed. Trying to complete a pharm tech degree and stay focused on that so I can eventually in a few years go back and finished my bachelors degree
 
LSDMDMA&AMP said:
its gonna be a long night, i know that
a long night
how bout you never
Click to expand...

Got some booze and cigarettes today, so my evening will be what qualifies as pleasant these days. :)

So the opies finally got the better of you, eh cloudy :( ? I have to say, in my experiences, opiates will cause more misery than joy in the long run. Still, wish I had some H right now, it'd make things quite wonderful and rose colored.



I've been thinking, I fall prey to what I would call the great druggie fallacy, which goes like this:
A) Healthy person: I am dissatisfied with life, I must change things to alleviate this distress and improve my life.
B) Myself: I am dissatisfied with life, with the help of my chemical solace I will alleviate this distress and make life bearable.


Also, I found a cardboard box labeled "free" full of tacos next to the 99cent store, I didn't take any since I had just ate, but I found it quite hysterical. I took a pic, but can't upload things from my phone to here till I get some weird format chip (not SD).
 
I'm not really sure that the opiates caused more problems, just led myself to the inevitable self-destruction that almost seemed sub-conscious. I was already at a turning point, and in some ways spending the ridiculous amount of money I did on oxy, bupe, and h helped potentially prevent me from falling into a worse spot. I was already fucked with school, even though I spent more time in my life studying this semester, and my finacial situation wasn't getting any better even with out any drug use. I was kinda keeping myself numb before I had the uncomfortable choice to return home so I can get out of some of my financial troubles, while getting some good opportunities to get back into school (pharm tech in the near future). So, who knows, in the next few months we'll see if really the opiates were just a lesson in life in addition to the bliss I felt. None of the withdrawals were as bad my tramadol, amphetamine, and gabapentin withdrawal a few weeks after the hospital, which is also nice.
 
Well if they didn't mess you up that's good, but you may not get off so lucky the next time, it's always easier to fall back into opiate obsessed mode every time. But hey, if you've been responsible so long maybe this was just a temporary aberration. Just be careful dude.

edit: No one on tonight? Fine then, Imma watch Rio Bravo. Some good ol' John Wayne action.
 
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Oh I will not deny their destructive powers, just the minimal damage they caused me. Its not where I'd like to end up ever again. I love my opiates and I really like to keep them where they were in my life before, a once in a while treat, with use only a few times a year. I'm a long way away from letting them into my life though, I'm a long way from letting drugs really back in my life. I'm trying to keep drugs as academic and harm reductive interests till I get a better head on my shoulders and a stable life.
 
I know where you're coming from dude, recently kicked benzo's which put a layer of fear and anxiety over everything. Luckily that is weening, and cravings have passed with that almost simultaneously (which makes sense). Now I feel pretty okay off of everything though I must say I'm enjoying my beer right now. In less than two weeks I start a new job I managed to get and after an amphetamine crash and benzo withdrawals I am definitely getting my physical strength and vitality back again and am exercising more and more. All of this gives me hope again even though it was not that long ago when I relapsed with I.M. K, and also the last year a lot of the time I felt pretty hopeless. What feels like a turning point (though not foolproof against relapse I have to remember) is that I am fed up with the negative spirals that follow weak moments of relapse, its so totally not worth it. In the past it wasn't either but I still was a very slow learner. Takes a long time to not even want it anymore.

There will be no more K for me, I cut loose those contacts I have for it and will not be bringing anything in again. I'm saving a one-time quantity of Lyrica for a rainy day and that's about it. The shitload of benzo's I also still have I refuse to take because I have gotten to hate the fatigue that comes along with the good ones. Instead of that I would like to make it one of my goals to add some extra muscle to my body.

The amphetamine I was talking about is one of the things leftover from this previous period. It's really incredible stuff, even before I washed it and I can't wait to bring a little to the lab to see the potency. I'm thinking/hoping like 60-65% of a 74% maximum. Anyway I don't keep it with me for obvious reasons. My psychedelics are stuck in the freezer, and I will stick some other ones in there as well since I don't even know if I will be tripping this summer or year to ensure stability of functioning.

Man cloudy, it doesn't sound nice to say the least but keep your chin up and let the hope that finally returns to me reflect on you. <3
 
I'm starting to finally get back a lot of my strength that I lost due to the fatigue the drugs this summer brought on to me. Ever since I've gotten back to my parents place I've been working out twice a day trying to chase the little endorphin high. Even downed a bunch of hot sauce trying to get a little buzz, and well, both have worked wonders (oh yeah, masturbation also helps, especially after a whole summer of none). I feel a lot better about myself and my situation whether or not ideal. Now I'm trying to go one month clean of everything, get completely ripped (getting pretty close to this goal), find a full time job, get back into school, and try to meet people. I really need to make some friends down here for me to keep my sanity. Ideally I'd love to find myself a women, just not sure where to meet people when your not involved in any school.

I gotta fill my amp script in three days, and I'm hoping I can keep it to the prescribed dosage (15mg x2 a day) with ~2000-3000mg of piracetam a day. If not I might have to cut it out. Can't let myself go through 900mg of amps in 10-14 days like I was earlier this year. The fatigue brought on from amph WD is worse than the fatigue I'd get from opiate WD, though, amp WD is a bit easier to deal with.
 
Yeah opiates are little fuckers. I've got a moderate dope habit still goin'. I'm not at all physically dependant and only IV maybe once a month (but usually not at all) so the only real downside is that it's sooooo expensive. Powder dope in Minneapolis is not cheap, I know prices aren't allowed but I think I'm allowed to say once "bag" the approximate size of one bag in say Jersey or another East Coast state is 6 times more expenisve, and most likely not as pure. Tar is pretty cheap but I've got no hook ups (smoking heroin is pretty pleasurable). Super props to you Cloudy for doing the obvious right thing!

Haha I think we can all appreciate some good DXM humor.
 
Damn, sounds pricey, but how's the quality? Like, if you have zero opiate tolerance, what kind of nod would one bag give you (insufflated)?

Also, screw the damn financial group, still haven't heard anything from them. I just want to get my money so I can go seek closure and end everything. But nooo, gotta sit around in here in limbo more. :p
 
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Never Knows Best said:
Damn, sounds pricey, but how's the quality? Like, if you have zero opiate tolerance, what kind of nod would one bag give you (insufflated)?

Also, screw the damn financial group, still haven't heard anything from them. I just want to get my money so I can go seek closure and end everything. But nooo, gotta sit around in here in limbo more. :p
Click to expand...

If you had no tolerance the whole bag would probably kill you lol. I'd split it in 8ths for someone with no tolerance.
 
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