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☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Nexus for gibberish of the psychedelicized genius and veritably insane

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Captain.Heroin said:
I don't think it's that great for social anxiety IME; but different strokes for different folks. I take it you've tried benzos?
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Similarly, caffeine helps my social anxiety, quite a bit actually. A couple cups of tea can really add a spark of life to any social situation for me, probably for the same reason that meth does.

Benzos are totally pointless for my social anxiety. They make me even more socially withdrawn. Benzos basically turn me into a statue of myself. lol


Also, I think I pretty much figured out why I'm having so much more trouble staying motivated this semester than last. Last semester, I had a manageable workload, such that I could do all of my assignments really well, and produce consistently top quality work. This semester, I have so much work being piled on to my shoulders, that I am forced to kind of half-ass everything, which really discourages me, because I have a very all-or-nothing attitude. I get no joy out of mediocrity - I demand excellence - and when I can't achieve excellence, I pretty much give up. :\
 
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True words Dondante; when it comes to sustained learning ability, in my experience, it's got to go.

TheAppleCore said:
Low-dose meth actually calms down a lot of my anxiety. Which makes it all the more alluring. I've got to be careful with this stuff.
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Captain.Heroin said:
^ definitely not the typical response to it.
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In the beginning I got exactly what TAC reports; but a couple of years of moderate use with breaks still managed to minimize that effect. It's like losing the magic. The bulk and best of my consumption was racemic amp though. A couple months ago I got a half gram of crystal meth to, for one; try it, and two; ran out of non-serotonergic amps. At that point the amp magic was gone and I was using frequently so I don't blame it on a methyl group, but my general conclusion was that it felt more speedy than speed (racemic amphetamine). It had more stimulation to it, and it was more erratic with less of that anxiety relieving calm stimulation.

I'd say one of the main reasons it grabbed me so well is that in the beginning, it was just like you said; the perfect social confidence booster that seemed to make my overall quality of life so much better, with minimal if not negligible comedown or side effects. I'll never forget summer 2010 and those happy, energetic camping trips. It was youthful perfection in a way. I know I'll never feel that free sense of vitality again. Amphetamine has an advantage over psychedelics in that they can be integrated into daily life, for a relatively long period of time. Psychedelics make one free in an extreme sense for a few hours, and amphetamine lets your social, youth-like energetic side be free for a whole summer. I'll never forget the early times with it, and in a big way the experiences facilitated by it are just as important to me as any psychedelic experience.

Then your ear starts hurting from listening to the phone for too long. Once you get the message... ;)

TheAppleCore said:
I think it would probably increase general anxiety, but I only have social anxiety. It helps my social anxiety because it makes conversation flow a lot more smoothly and effortlessly. Like I was telling my mom, basically it makes me go from having to pretend to be interested in other people, to actually genuinely being interested in other people.
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Totally; but after the social gatherings are over general anxiety remains (or will become present with use over time). It increases general anxiety when you're alone and that state spills over into social situations. Anything that increases the basic physiological stress responses is eventually going to produce social anxiety; even though in the beginning it's the perfect social panacea.

Having an amphetamine summer (or year, whatever) is amazing, I'm glad I did it, but I wish I'd stopped sooner.

TheAppleCore said:
Also, I think I pretty much figured out why I'm having so much more trouble staying motivated this semester than last. Last semester, I had a manageable workload, such that I could do all of my assignments really well, and produce consistently top quality work. This semester, I have so much work being piled on to my shoulders, that I am forced to kind of half-ass everything, which really discourages me, because I have a very all-or-nothing attitude. I get no joy out of mediocrity - I demand excellence - and when I can't achieve excellence, I pretty much give up. :\
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I feel ya there. It's based on the overload system. I'm a perfectionist just like you describe and when I have so many assignments that I'm not able to do each task properly, for the sake of simply completing each task half-assedly, it gets really demotivating.
I had a 10 page term paper in my favorite subject, and the due date was at the end of a string of large assignments in all my other courses. Even with an extension I was angry because of what I had to hand in. I know I could have waxed scientific poetic, but the overload principle put the kiebosh on that.
I can't wait to GTFO of undergrad; to get somewhere that one big project/paper, is the ONLY thing you're focusing on, and you can do it big-fat-assedly.

My dad told me one of the big reasons employers want degrees is not necessarily technical knowledge (which, let's face it, is largely learned on-the-job), but it shows that you have staying power. Despite all the overloads, draconian TA's that mark completely arbitrarily, bombed exams because you were having a bad day despite excellent knowledge of the material, you still made it through. That's all it is really, like being in basic training for the army; it's about seeing how much shit you can put up with and still be standing.
 
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TheAppleCore said:
Similarly, caffeine helps my social anxiety, quite a bit actually. A couple cups of tea can really add a spark of life to any social situation for me, probably for the same reason that meth does.

Benzos are totally pointless for my social anxiety. They make me even more socially withdrawn. Benzos basically turn me into a statue of myself. lol


Also, I think I pretty much figured out why I'm having so much more trouble staying motivated this semester than last. Last semester, I had a manageable workload, such that I could do all of my assignments really well, and produce consistently top quality work. This semester, I have so much work being piled on to my shoulders, that I am forced to kind of half-ass everything, which really discourages me, because I have a very all-or-nothing attitude. I get no joy out of mediocrity - I demand excellence - and when I can't achieve excellence, I pretty much give up. :\
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Wow, that's really a unique response. How many benzodiazepines have you tried? For me, taking some benzos relaxes me and allows me to be more social. However I can understand how it could make you more withdrawn.

My advice as to school, is to not be a perfectionist. I used to feel the same way about certain things, except I've talked to other friends (who are musicians specifically), and I find a lot of people who are perfectionists and musicians, is that they can't record/release music because they fear it won't be perfect.

The good thing is that for me, I like to make and release noise music, which in itself isn't a genre that you can really perfect. Due to this, I kind of just do my best and accept how it was made. The sooner you can just accept what you're doing/how you're doing, and aren't focused on making everything perfect, the happier you'll be.
 
PepperSocks said:
I can't wait to GTFO of undergrad; to get somewhere that one big project/paper, is the ONLY thing you're focusing on, and you can do it big-fat-assedly.
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I wished it would be like that, too. But actually you'll get overloaded with other stuff like administrative crap and teaching responsibilities (at least thats the case in our science department). Working on the thesis before noon, teaching undergrads in the afternoon, grading homeworks in the evening (sometimes admittedly a bit half-assed [could be misunderstood as arbitralily] due to overload). But I'm optimistic to defend before summer and get working on PhD in autumn :)

That's part of the potpourri of reasons why I didn't find much time to read/post here, I'd guess Roger is similarly kept busy.

Hope all you PD-guys are well. It's very nice to see the good old regulars posting here. Hows it going Soli, Dondante?
 
socks no love for the llamaz?
what am i?
chopped livah?
anyway.
i just found out i got a job (EMPLOYED AGAIN BITCHEZ) and i scored today :D
4 gucci bags, shit is good, feelin really good off it.
Benny how you been though mane?
 
LSDMDMA&11473535 said:
socks no love for the llamaz?
what am i?
chopped livah?
anyway.
i just found out i got a job (EMPLOYED AGAIN BITCHEZ) and i scored today :D
4 gucci bags, shit is good, feelin really good off it.
Benny how you been though mane?
Click to expand...

Try to cut out that dope while you have a job man. Otherwise, it's where all your money is going to be going to...
 
A wild Llama has appeared.

NSFW:
rcvnmr.gif
 
Just swallowed some mda powder; it has been 5 years since I have rolled so I am very excited especially since mda is one of my favorites. Thankfully I have allot of k left to mix with it. Think I will hop the the shower so I will feel nice and refreshed once it hits me.
 
LSDMDMA&11473535 said:
socks no love for the llamaz?
what am i?
chopped livah?
Click to expand...

If you are chopped liver, can you send me a piece of yourself; I wouldn't mind trying. :P

You made me think of Hannibal for a second. ;)

I got love for ya man, try to tread lightly and not ruffle too many feathers; you're already gathering attention of the disciplinarians.

Oh, and shooting heroin is bad, mmkay.. at least ditch the all-out bodily defense bypass. Nothin but love. <3
 
lolol
speaking of heroin
i got a free bag for taking my dealer to his people to reup
shits called gucci
so i'm preppin it now
i did a 4 bag shot earlier and got high as FUCK
push the needle in
and everything just fades away
ah there we go
took me a minute to find the vein cause i dont tie off and my arms while they're better than they used to be, i've still got track marks after several days of not hitting in those spots :/
 
PepperSocks said:
Totally; but after the social gatherings are over general anxiety remains (or will become present with use over time). It increases general anxiety when you're alone and that state spills over into social situations. Anything that increases the basic physiological stress responses is eventually going to produce social anxiety; even though in the beginning it's the perfect social panacea.
Click to expand...

Right now I'm trying to manage a pattern of use that will allow me to sustain the positive effect indefinitely. I'm using very low doses, basically threshold. Right now I'm using it like 4-5 days per week. I guess I'll back off a bit if some kind of tolerance seems to start creeping in.

Captain.Heroin said:
My advice as to school, is to not be a perfectionist. I used to feel the same way about certain things, except I've talked to other friends (who are musicians specifically), and I find a lot of people who are perfectionists and musicians, is that they can't record/release music because they fear it won't be perfect.

The good thing is that for me, I like to make and release noise music, which in itself isn't a genre that you can really perfect. Due to this, I kind of just do my best and accept how it was made. The sooner you can just accept what you're doing/how you're doing, and aren't focused on making everything perfect, the happier you'll be.
Click to expand...

Good advice, man. Much appreciated.


Hey, Llama. Been awhile, eh?
 
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