I started smoking weed when I was 13 or 14, started doing it daily or close to daily at 15, had my first psychedelic trip at 15 on 1/8th of shrooms.. blew my mind wide open and became obsessed with psychedelics, did shrooms once or twice more, managed to try LSD at 16 (still somewhat skeptical if it was real stuff), had 2 or 3 morning glory trips, then when I turned 17 I started to really push the dose.
I had somewhat of a trainwreck 700 seed morning glory trip, an extremely profound trip on two tabs of real, good LSD. Then 4-aco-DMT came into my life, and I took 15mg for my first try and was quite underwhelmed but I enjoyed it, then 20mg and had a beautiful experience. Then I turned 18 and went to senior week (the week after you graduate high school where everyone who parties goes to the beach) and took 30mg of 4-aco-DMT and had the best trip of my life (++++ beyond death experience). Then a few months later I took 35 and had probably the worst trip of my life because it ended with me getting tackled to the pavement and tazered by police then taken to the hospital bleeding all over the place and spouting incoherent gibberish. Still getting that charge expunged..
anyways, that wasn't enough to stop me, I candyflipped while seeing
panda bearat a festival a few months after that, took an 8th of shrooms the next day and found out what a horrid mistake taking a psyche the day after MDMA is. Then I took 5 grams of shrooms a few weeks later and had an awesomely introspective trip.
Then I visited a friend who just got some 25-i and decided to vaporize it, which was wayyyy too intense and possibly dangerous. That's what inspired me to make a bluelight account haha. I definitely felt a pretty heavy comedown from that one, but it wasn't an emotional one it was more of a inability to think properly one. I was pretty spun for like the next few weeks, maybe even months, but still that wasn't enough to stop me. I started to get LSD on the reg, managed to get a gram of 2c-b, then two more grams of 2c-b, did MDMA a few more times than I should have, tried MXE, tried 2c-e, managed to get some DOC, tried 4-ho-MET, 4-ho-MIPT, got some 25-i and 25-c which I tried sublingually a few times and felt much safer about. I started to do MXE like every month or so, then every few weeks, then almost every weekend or I would substitute DXM when I couldn't get MXE. The last trip I had before my 19th b-day was 40mg MXE then 38mg 2c-b an hour or so later. Also sometime during this period of time I managed to get a gram of DOC.
Then I turned 19, got arrested on my birthday by an undercover outside of a music festival that my mom bought me the tickets to and got a weed charge. Took about a month long break from psyches and then did some DOC at about the same time my girlfriend cheated on me and broke my heart and ruined my self esteem, which gave me a brutally emotional comedown. Then I did some more high doses of 2c-b, kept doing MXE, kept trying new things in new situations such as riding the biggest and fastest rollercoaster on the planet tripping pretty hard on a mixture of Allylescaline and 25-c. tried 2c-I, tried 2c-e again, did more acid, more DOC, more 2c-b, tried ketamine, tried a huge dose of MXE, tried an awesome mixture of MXE and 2c-c, took a huge dose of ketamine, then mescaline.
Then I started getting drug tested, so I stopped smoking weed for the first time since I was 14, and decided to try moxy on my first weekend of sobriety and decided, holy fuck, I've done wayyyyyyy too many psychedelics in my life already. Maybe if all the trips i've had were spaced out over the course of maybe a decade would this be a pretty acceptable amount of restraint.. but no, I've been tripping for less than five years and I've probably had at least 50 trips! My mind has been blown exponentially more times than your average kid my age, and I'm starting to regret it
And I know that it's not going to stop here. My rehab is over and the entire way back from it I was thinking about whether or not I was going to smoke weed and how i was going to do it. The main reasons why are because pretty much all of my friends do it, and before when I did it every day I truly did like it a lot, or at least I convinced myself I did. I want to take a really long break from drugs but I'm in college and i'm surrounded by people who put them as a pretty high priority in their lives. I still have so many drugs left over, and I truly treasure them and don't want to get rid of them, because best case scenario I can have them for a really really long time!
I feel a lot more sane then I did two or three months ago, and I'm wondering if abstaining for say, 6 months would be any different than how I feel right now. I don't have HPPD that I can tell. I don't feel as though my serotonin is down-regulated, (meanwhile 5 or 6 months ago i would have said it's DEFINITELY down-regulated) I'm doing alright in school and I seem to have a higher self esteem than I did for the months following my girlfriend cheating on me. I still haven't had to deal with physical addiction and don't plan to touch any drug that might exacerbate such a thing, yet I know that the amount of tripping I've done in my life is almost definitely too high, and I still want to do it more 8) ....and I'm not sure when i'll decide i'm done with it is the kind of scary part. Maybe I'm going to be a total spunyun that can't hardly form sentences before I decide no more. As long as playing my guitar on the peak of a psychedelic trip is as breathtakingly amazing as it always is, I'm not sure i'll ever have the urge to stop. It seems like something will just have to force me to 8(
But I also enjoyed pretty much every minute of it back in those days, whereas now there is a lot more problems.
