☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Loquacious Psychedelic Love Lazers

[helium-4]

You LMA get someone to unban me from the IRC chat. The transsexual who posts there banned me for saying "you were the guy who invited me to that chat with the other trannies". Merely because I said guy, i got banned, how ridiculous is that? Guy is used a generic term for a person, or at least how I hear it being used where I live, aka "hey guys, hows it going".

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

ill attempt to has yuo unbanned

 

[swilow]

Daft Punk- one opf the greatest shows I've seen- this track utterly tore the roof down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x84m3YyO2oU

 

[swilow]

You got too drunk? I woke up in the emergency room this morning. And had $700+ worth of shit confiscated by the boys in blue. Judging by the lump I also hit my head on something at some point. I dunno, I'll have to find out what happened from someone later.

Shit man, hope your alright Do keep us posted.

Always a weird night when you come to in ER...

Hmm. I've taken way too many drugs lately. I have a few more days off work with the idea of recovering from shenanigans, but I just IVed some meth and ketamine. ZOOOOOOOOOOOM My recovery period window is getting smaller and smaller....

Oh well.

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTReMgmtw6k
gabbertime is anytime and anytime is gabbertime

 

[Raw Evil]

Oh man.

Made a serious mistake on NYE. Went to a party with a friend; she was the only person I knew there. These people were fantastic trippers. Very nice people, great attitudes towards life, kinda geeky - the kind of crowd I could really click with.

And then, I blew it.

I made my classic mistake of panicking and talking about myself "just to keep the conversation going" while others were simply processing what was said. I have trouble feeling comfortable during silences, so this has been afflicting me quite a bit lately.

I came across as egotistical, immature and self-serving. And by my actions I am known.

So now,

• My friend thinks I'm horrible
• These new people who I would have loved to get along with think I'm horrible
• I've realised that I've made this same mistake with my regular tripping companions, and
• I feel completely abandoned

I feel as if I took every one of my friendships and threw them into a fire. I failed to value the life I had built for myself, and now I find that without it, I am nothing.

I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish I hadn't made that mistake. I wish I had put any sort of effort whatsoever into deciding what kind of person I want to be, and being able to show others who I am.

I have failed at this task, but there is still hope.

There has to be...

 

[helium-4]

Sounds like you are over thinking things. how do you know these people think you are horrible? Also, why would your friend think your horrible? If she knows you, she should know that a night of maybe not the most wonderful side of doesn't change who you are. If she can change her opinion of you so fast, than maybe she really wasn't your friend in the first place. We all make mistakes, and we all make a fool out of ourselves from time to time, especially at parties and when we are nervous/anxious.

If you feel like you've done some damage, you got to options, move on and forget about these people, or try it again and show just who you are.

I wish you the best of luck. Everyone fucks up from time to time, and a reasonable person can see through that, especially when you show up with a better head on your shoulders next time.

 

[yucatanboy2]

got blacked out drunk NYE, which is unfortunate because i was on E too and I missed a lot of the fun of the roll. Oh well, Happy New Year everyone!!!

 

[helium-4]

The only year I've ever been to a party on New Years eve I blacked out for the first time and did some ridiculous shit (I'm usually here in tx on new years so they are kinda lame). Luckily people recognize that it is new years eve and shit happens.

 

[swilow]

Oh man.

Made a serious mistake on NYE. Went to a party with a friend; she was the only person I knew there. These people were fantastic trippers. Very nice people, great attitudes towards life, kinda geeky - the kind of crowd I could really click with.

And then, I blew it.

I made my classic mistake of panicking and talking about myself "just to keep the conversation going" while others were simply processing what was said. I have trouble feeling comfortable during silences, so this has been afflicting me quite a bit lately.

I came across as egotistical, immature and self-serving. And by my actions I am known.

So now,

• My friend thinks I'm horrible
• These new people who I would have loved to get along with think I'm horrible
• I've realised that I've made this same mistake with my regular tripping companions, and
• I feel completely abandoned

I feel as if I took every one of my friendships and threw them into a fire. I failed to value the life I had built for myself, and now I find that without it, I am nothing.

I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish I hadn't made that mistake. I wish I had put any sort of effort whatsoever into deciding what kind of person I want to be, and being able to show others who I am.

I have failed at this task, but there is still hope.

There has to be...

A few thoughts:

-If you don't really know these people, then perhaps you needn't worry about their possible opinions.
-Everyone talks shit, at some time or another. I've seen friends suddenly transform into really weird, methed up shit talkers, and just gone "Oh okay, they are high..."
-Silence can be difficult. For anyone. You might find that these 'relaxed, introspective' types are now thinking "Fuck, why couldn't I just have SAID that thing....RawEvil was so sociable, damn....".

If you're concerned about being immature or self-serving; and thusly writing off a whole group of humans because of your actions when you were high/fucked; the only immature thing you are doing is making all these assumptions and focusing on how YOU appeared to these strangers. Fuck it, life is too short to worry about inconsequential weirdness.
Thing is, you can never know what type of person you are. Everything changes always, including your own self. I used to feel the need to identify myself as a certain person- when in my early teens, it was a graffitti and punch on hooligan, late teens as a raver, early twenties as a sort of chilled out hippy- now I just identify as someone who is always changing into someone else. Collateral damage on the way equals lost friends, but if you truly LOSE a friend, they may very well have NOT been a friend in the first place.

Just be yourself, whatever that is; generally, its you, right now, doing whatever you, right now, doing.

Be at peace

I mean, on NYE I was absolutely trashed, tripping LSD/MDMA/Ketamine, and probably came across to some people as much too full on, but I played the will o' wisp and floated all over the party, never really sticking with anyone but Miss Willow.

Incidentalkly, it was one of the best psytrance parties I've been too

Peace!!

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

wait willow you were a hooligan?
like a soccer hooligan?
i took 2 ambiens, 20mg so im starting to lose mental functioning..
wut up willow tho?
encounter any spiders lately?
yeah this is gonna bea real interesting night..i havent done ambien for a while..ruh r oh shenanigans...slightly trippy.
but im not trippin.

 

[TheAppleCore]

And then, I blew it.

Aw, man. Don't be so hard on yourself. I highly doubt anybody thinks you're horrible -- probably just felt a bit of a nervous vibe coming off your persona.

I definitely understand where you're coming from though. I have a hard time opening up to other people in live social contexts -- my brian just does not seem to be wired for it -- I've been painfully shy since my earliest memories.

Helps to remember that you're the only one who's really hyper-analyzing your own behavior. Also helps to stop hyper-analyzing entirely. Switching out of computer-programming mode, and just letting your intuition take over.



Also, willow's post has the right vibe, as per usual.

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

ambien confusion

 

[Raw Evil]

If you're concerned about being immature or self-serving; and thusly writing off a whole group of humans because of your actions when you were high/fucked; the only immature thing you are doing is making all these assumptions and focusing on how YOU appeared to these strangers. Fuck it, life is too short to worry about inconsequential weirdness.

You have a point. It is my own judgement of myself that is limiting me - none of them ever suggested that their circle of friends was something I couldn't be a part of. Perhaps I'm not so irredeemable after all.

Thing is, you can never know what type of person you are. Everything changes always, including your own self. I used to feel the need to identify myself as a certain person- when in my early teens, it was a graffitti and punch on hooligan, late teens as a raver, early twenties as a sort of chilled out hippy- now I just identify as someone who is always changing into someone else. Collateral damage on the way equals lost friends, but if you truly LOSE a friend, they may very well have NOT been a friend in the first place.

Just be yourself, whatever that is; generally, its you, right now, doing whatever you, right now, doing.

Be at peace

Good point. I am not an identity. I am that I am

Aw, man. Don't be so hard on yourself. I highly doubt anybody thinks you're horrible -- probably just felt a bit of a nervous vibe coming off your persona.

I definitely understand where you're coming from though. I have a hard time opening up to other people in live social contexts -- my brian just does not seem to be wired for it -- I've been painfully shy since my earliest memories.

Helps to remember that you're the only one who's really hyper-analyzing your own behavior. Also helps to stop hyper-analyzing entirely. Switching out of computer-programming mode, and just letting your intuition take over.

You're right. My self-destruction was actually interrupting their conversation at various points - I was the only one focusing on me.

____

Thanks for the help, guys. It means a lot to me.

 

[swilow]

wait willow you were a hooligan?
like a soccer hooligan?.

Ha, no...just a young dude who graffed everywhere and got into ,lots of fights and broke/burnt/destroyed things at will. Violent then, but not now

LMA, your method of extracting the least-important bit of a post is very endearing

my brian just does not seem to be wired for it -- I've been painfully shy since my earliest memories.

Helps to remember that you're the only one who's really hyper-analyzing your own behavior. Also helps to stop hyper-analyzing entirely. Switching out of computer-programming mode, and just letting your intuition take over.

Ain't nothing wrong with shyness either. I can confidently speak to most people, but hold my true self back solely for me and the few I love It just feels natural...

Also:

my brian

Channel your inner brian's, ladies and gentlemen. :D

You have a point. It is my own judgement of myself that is limiting me - none of them ever suggested that their circle of friends was something I couldn't be a part of. Perhaps I'm not so irredeemable after all.

I'd go as far as to say that you have no need for redemption at all. One night of the hundreds of thousands of nights you will experience, being one night of billions that have been experienced and one night of zillions that will ever be experienced needs little redemption.

Good point. I am not an identity. I am that I am

Indeed.

I like the Ram Daas guru guide, or the saying at least:

BE HERE NOW

I was the only one focusing on me.

I reckons that, at almost every instant, every me is the only one focusing on me.

Eek, that flipped my brain a bit...

 

[nearjat]

Going to see my girlfriend again :D Yesssss

Feels so good to not be hungover guys omg. It's like pure euphoria.

 

[Delta-9-THC]

Oh man.

Made a serious mistake on NYE. Went to a party with a friend; she was the only person I knew there. These people were fantastic trippers. Very nice people, great attitudes towards life, kinda geeky - the kind of crowd I could really click with.

And then, I blew it.

I made my classic mistake of panicking and talking about myself "just to keep the conversation going" while others were simply processing what was said. I have trouble feeling comfortable during silences, so this has been afflicting me quite a bit lately.

I came across as egotistical, immature and self-serving. And by my actions I am known.

So now,

• My friend thinks I'm horrible
• These new people who I would have loved to get along with think I'm horrible
• I've realised that I've made this same mistake with my regular tripping companions, and
• I feel completely abandoned

I feel as if I took every one of my friendships and threw them into a fire. I failed to value the life I had built for myself, and now I find that without it, I am nothing.

I wish things could go back to the way they were. I wish I hadn't made that mistake. I wish I had put any sort of effort whatsoever into deciding what kind of person I want to be, and being able to show others who I am.

I have failed at this task, but there is still hope.

There has to be...

I have been in a few situations with people who have had similar issues of social anxiety especially during pauses that they perceive as pregnant and awkward. I find it normally happens with people who are inexperienced trippers and/or are not 100% socially comfortable with the group they are in.

Personally it does bother me some what as I find it distracting when I'm really tripping hard and trying to just enjoy the effects - but I never hold it against that person. That said I may avoid tripping with them again to be honest but it depends.

If these people are really that cool and experienced with psychedelics they would understand and would certainly not hate you or think you're a horrible person. To avoid this you should just be more careful about the setting and make sure your comfortable with who you trip with.

Try not to let your mind go too crazy speculating as to what they may think of you now. If you are really worried that you offended your friend I suggest you just discuss it with them and tell them how you feel. It's probably the best way for you to defuse your anxiety about the situation as I doubt they will react as harshly as you fear.

 

[alantis360]

You got too drunk? I woke up in the emergency room this morning. And had $700+ worth of shit confiscated by the boys in blue. Judging by the lump I also hit my head on something at some point. I dunno, I'll have to find out what happened from someone later.

That sounds shitty NBK!!! I hope things get better for you

 

[LSDMDMA&AMP]

ambien confusion

i dont remember makign this post..
cloudy you're unbanned

 

[Bluebell]

Daft Punk- one opf the greatest shows I've seen- this track utterly tore the roof down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x84m3YyO2oU

love this tune