coelophysis
Bluelight Crew
I actually did I just haven't gone back to look at it and do the math yet. So far I've felt it's easier to just keep tracking each day, lol.
☮ Social ☮ [PD Social General Talk Thread] Observation Tank for Fractallized Redundancy Modules
- Thread starter Xorkoth
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I actually did I just haven't gone back to look at it and do the math yet. So far I've felt it's easier to just keep tracking each day, lol.
SONN
Bluelighter
Laika, you might consider trying magnolia bark extract if things get too stressful. It is healing to the gabaergic system and it lowers the levels of cortisol you produce which should make your experience easier. I know a few people on this forum have benefitted from it when coming off of benzos.
I'm just gonna leave this here. Jungle 4 lyfe
feelin kinda down here but I took some gabapentin and some magnolia bark extract, smoked a bowl, might do a little kratom to escape from my ever pervasive feelings.
I'm just gonna leave this here. Jungle 4 lyfe
feelin kinda down here but I took some gabapentin and some magnolia bark extract, smoked a bowl, might do a little kratom to escape from my ever pervasive feelings.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Went to visit my drummer friend today who broke his tibia and fibula (with bones sticking out of his leg 8() in a motorcycle accident. It's been like 8 days. They hammered a titanium rod through his tibia from below the knee down to just above the ankle and he has 4 screws. He's pretty frustrated that he can't do much of anything or play music, but otherwise he's fine... he's home also. While he heals me and the bass player and playing with a different band. The place we played at a couple of times has now said they thought it would be cool if we practiced there when they don't have any bands booked (we needed a practice space for that band). So that will be awesome, play in front of people for practice. And in November we're going to start getting a consistent weekly gig there. They seem to really love us. 
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Congrats man, that's amazing. 
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Congrats man, that's amazing.
SKL
Bluelight Crew
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- 14,632
JOURNAL TYPE TEXTWALL, SKIP TO BELOW IF YOU DON'T CARE*
(*Unless I know you pretty well, I probably skip yours TBH.)
I just awoke from a very bizarre and disturbing semi-lucid dream that involved vivid scenes of driving through my hometown (like again being that I was experiencing a degree of lucidity I remember being impressed with how detailed the dream-remembrance of the geography and the roads was) with a far removed ex-girlfriend who is now in prison, then hanging out with my psychiatric patients outside the hospital (which I would never do), all taking a road trip to attend some kind of ceremony at my high school and where we were getting awards for having done alot of drugs, and I was like what the fuck, I don't do drugs anymore, and then there was a lot of random violence and shit to top that off. My last thought before awaking was like, "didn't I have a (psych) doctor's appointment today? Fuck! Why did I travel all the way upstate?" Then I jolt out of bed, somehow look at the clock and convince myself it's 2:58, and my doctor's appointment is at 3, so I lie in bed feeling like an asshole (and an asshole who's about to be out some cash plus another copay) for another half hour or so and trying to do the math on how many refills I have of what and how unpleasant it's gonna be to go without x for y length of time, still laying in bed in the dark (I always draw the curtains and today's my day off and my sleep schedule is fucked because I'm an alcoholic and I work mostly swing shifts and overnights), then I bolt upright out of bed agin and look at the lock, it's 10:45 am. Fucking lol.
SKIP HERE IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY DREAMS* BUT CARE ABOUT MY VIEWS ON PSYCHEDELIA
(*It would be kind of self-indulgent to assume you do)
I don't usually do lucid dreams or remember a lot of my dreams, period, but I think it's the meds doing this, but I'm not sure which one. Trazodone gives me incredibly vivid dreams that I either don't want to wake up from or scare the living shit out of me, hence I don't take it anymore. I suspect is vilazodone/Viibryd which is a novel (and frightfully expensive, thanks Cadillac insurance plan) both an SSRI and a 5HT1A partial agonist.
I'm not into any kind of dream analysis, either Freudian or mystical, but damn it felt like there was a lot of content in there. No discernible message, overarching structure or suchlike, although a lot of expressionistic ruminations about things I tend to preoccupy alot about (This isn't surprising to anyone who dreams, of course), although I'm sure Freudians would have a field day with the content. However I think Freudians are full of shit. Yes, I've read my Freud and my Jung too, I prefer the latter, but also think Jungians are full of shit.
Which makes me think about the poster above, kittycat, who was inquiring about how a psychedelic trip can be profound, and I think that the answer to both questions is sort of the same.
I am well known around here for promoting the view that there is no content and most emphatically no message from drug-taking. This is my hard position. However, there are some nuances ...
(a) There is a subjective impression of depth to hallucinatory and oneiric experiences, yet also
(b) These experiences derive entirely from neurons firing more or less randomly, therefore
(c) There is no specific content to be derived from these experiences in the strict sense, but
(d) Your consciousness is a phenomenon we still don't understand, souls or strange loops or whatever, and
(e) Your consciousness is "you" having the experience and perceiving it to be profound/have content, because
(f) These experiences can be actually worthwhile by virtue of allowing introspection with an element of distance from the ordinary.
If that makes sense.
(*Unless I know you pretty well, I probably skip yours TBH.)
I just awoke from a very bizarre and disturbing semi-lucid dream that involved vivid scenes of driving through my hometown (like again being that I was experiencing a degree of lucidity I remember being impressed with how detailed the dream-remembrance of the geography and the roads was) with a far removed ex-girlfriend who is now in prison, then hanging out with my psychiatric patients outside the hospital (which I would never do), all taking a road trip to attend some kind of ceremony at my high school and where we were getting awards for having done alot of drugs, and I was like what the fuck, I don't do drugs anymore, and then there was a lot of random violence and shit to top that off. My last thought before awaking was like, "didn't I have a (psych) doctor's appointment today? Fuck! Why did I travel all the way upstate?" Then I jolt out of bed, somehow look at the clock and convince myself it's 2:58, and my doctor's appointment is at 3, so I lie in bed feeling like an asshole (and an asshole who's about to be out some cash plus another copay) for another half hour or so and trying to do the math on how many refills I have of what and how unpleasant it's gonna be to go without x for y length of time, still laying in bed in the dark (I always draw the curtains and today's my day off and my sleep schedule is fucked because I'm an alcoholic and I work mostly swing shifts and overnights), then I bolt upright out of bed agin and look at the lock, it's 10:45 am. Fucking lol.
SKIP HERE IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY DREAMS* BUT CARE ABOUT MY VIEWS ON PSYCHEDELIA
(*It would be kind of self-indulgent to assume you do)
I don't usually do lucid dreams or remember a lot of my dreams, period, but I think it's the meds doing this, but I'm not sure which one. Trazodone gives me incredibly vivid dreams that I either don't want to wake up from or scare the living shit out of me, hence I don't take it anymore. I suspect is vilazodone/Viibryd which is a novel (and frightfully expensive, thanks Cadillac insurance plan) both an SSRI and a 5HT1A partial agonist.
I'm not into any kind of dream analysis, either Freudian or mystical, but damn it felt like there was a lot of content in there. No discernible message, overarching structure or suchlike, although a lot of expressionistic ruminations about things I tend to preoccupy alot about (This isn't surprising to anyone who dreams, of course), although I'm sure Freudians would have a field day with the content. However I think Freudians are full of shit. Yes, I've read my Freud and my Jung too, I prefer the latter, but also think Jungians are full of shit.
Which makes me think about the poster above, kittycat, who was inquiring about how a psychedelic trip can be profound, and I think that the answer to both questions is sort of the same.
I am well known around here for promoting the view that there is no content and most emphatically no message from drug-taking. This is my hard position. However, there are some nuances ...
(a) There is a subjective impression of depth to hallucinatory and oneiric experiences, yet also
(b) These experiences derive entirely from neurons firing more or less randomly, therefore
(c) There is no specific content to be derived from these experiences in the strict sense, but
(d) Your consciousness is a phenomenon we still don't understand, souls or strange loops or whatever, and
(e) Your consciousness is "you" having the experience and perceiving it to be profound/have content, because
(f) These experiences can be actually worthwhile by virtue of allowing introspection with an element of distance from the ordinary.
If that makes sense.
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Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
^^ I pretty much agree with your assessment of why it is that a psychedelic experience (or any experience) can be profound. An experience can put you in a different frame of reference, or distance you psychologically and/or emotionally from ordinary perceptions or experiences, and this can promote introspection and the gaining of new ways of understanding things. I maintain that some of my psychedelic experiences, especially my first and early ones, allowed me to glimpse part of some truths I had never before come across, but other people taking the same drugs have completely different experiences. The conclusion I've come to is that the psychedelics are just tools to tune the mind, so to speak, but the content comes from yourself, as a result of the thinking done and subjective experiences had while the mind is altered.
The greatest value that psychedelics have had for me is that they have helped me to be able to be aware of the need to be objective about and aware of my thoughts and perceptions.
The greatest value that psychedelics have had for me is that they have helped me to be able to be aware of the need to be objective about and aware of my thoughts and perceptions.
Cream Gravy?
Bluelight Crew
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- Jan 28, 2014
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- 12,389
Last Friday I had one of the strongest trips I've ever had, easily in my top three. I took two tabs of LSD and it blew my socks off. I had a solo trip, and I ended up watching Napoleon Dynamite near the peak, as I was having a bit of a freak-out and was struggling to ground myself (and that movie is just absurd enough for the job hahah), and when the credits started to role and that song by 'When in Rome' began to play, I just burst into tears. Hardcore, uninhibited, gushing emotion just pouring out of my eyes. It was literally the most cathartic thing that I've ever experienced. I sobbed and sobbed for the whole credits, and I still have no idea what even sparked the tears. Every time I tried to think about why I was sobbing, I just sobbed harder. I don't have any way to explain it, it was just... wonderfully cathartic.
Have any of y'all experienced 'psychedelic tears' so to speak? I'd never had such an experience. I almost wish I could go back and cry some more, it just felt so relieving and completely turned things around for me in my trip. I think all of you should try having a good cry next time you trip hard, for me it was amazing and really seemed to help me feel healed of old wounds I was having trouble letting go of.
Have any of y'all experienced 'psychedelic tears' so to speak? I'd never had such an experience. I almost wish I could go back and cry some more, it just felt so relieving and completely turned things around for me in my trip. I think all of you should try having a good cry next time you trip hard, for me it was amazing and really seemed to help me feel healed of old wounds I was having trouble letting go of.
Just A Guy
Bluelight Crew
^^^ all the time... all the time...
SONN
Bluelighter
sounds like things are really taking off for your band, xork, thats awesome. IPM is such a cool name haha I hope thats the one that ends up getting big 
.
motorcycle accidents can be quite brutal, he's lucky to have gotten away with just a broken leg tbh
I've been sleeping for over twelve hours the past two nights, I think I needed it since I really did a number on myself last weekend.
I lost my mail key a few days before my 2-fma is supposed to be here 8) I'm gonna need to figure out a way to sneak it past my mom now
I'm gonna tell her I ordered phenylpiracetam from amazon and it should be here within the next day or two so I need her key and hopefully that should work %)
edit: psychedelic tears can be some of the most healing. It always reminds me of an Animal Collective line, "And our tears are frozen diamonds, that's why we smile while were cryin'."
. motorcycle accidents can be quite brutal, he's lucky to have gotten away with just a broken leg tbh
I've been sleeping for over twelve hours the past two nights, I think I needed it since I really did a number on myself last weekend.
I lost my mail key a few days before my 2-fma is supposed to be here 8) I'm gonna need to figure out a way to sneak it past my mom now
I'm gonna tell her I ordered phenylpiracetam from amazon and it should be here within the next day or two so I need her key and hopefully that should work %)
edit: psychedelic tears can be some of the most healing. It always reminds me of an Animal Collective line, "And our tears are frozen diamonds, that's why we smile while were cryin'."
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Just A Guy
Bluelight Crew
What am I doing, man? I get so bored after work when I'm all alone, and even though I just trialed 450ug AL-LAD (for the second time) on Sunday, after 5mg of DOPR on Friday, and I am now experimenting with 300ug of ETH-LAD. I'm trying to break through, I guess... But honestly, I think I'm going to have to give myself a long, long, break first...
Thorns Have Roses
Bluelight Crew
240sxl said:
A couple times, when dealing with some heavy life stuff that I needed to let go of during a trip.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
It's easy (for some of us) to get into a pattern of using psychedelics perhaps too often. I certainly did it at points. Some would say I still do it now. Fortunately they're non-addictive drugs so you can just decide to take a break.
Boredom is what gets me too, my life is far from boring now so I just use psychedelics when it seems right on the weekends. Sometimes I use them for band practice when we're trying to have a creative jam session.sounds like things are really taking off for your band, xork, thats awesome. IPM is such a cool name haha I hope thats the one that ends up getting big
Yeah, the music is taking off for sure. I want it to be IPM too, for that project... I think it's a way better name than Starstuff (IPM = Intergalactic Propulsion Module). If two of the members leave (which they may), then it will go back to IPM. Otherwise it won't, probably.
The other band is a totally separate project so I hope they both happen... that band is called Energy In Motion (also a great name IMO).
Fuck yeah, i've wept on LSD and mushrooms to such an extent that it felt like my mind had been soaked and thoroughly wrung out to dry.
Sometimes this feels amazing, makes me feel stronger and refreshed - but once i burst into the most inconsolably dark crying jag on a high dose of mushrooms that was like opening up an enormous chasm of existential emptiness.
I haven't sobbed like that since, and i don't remember opening myself up like that before, either.
It was a pretty intense experience. Not in a "bad trip" kind of way, but it was almost like it was foreshadowing the turbulent times that (with the benefit of hindsight) lay ahead in the next few months after that.
But i also felt guilty, because the person i was tripping with was wigging out, and i felt responsible for getting them into that state. That night i learned how much you need to respect psychedelics; and especially to be careful not to be too generous with them!
Speaking of darkness, i spoke to my bandmate today for the first time since his sister died.
He messaged me last week, to postpone rehearsal because he had to go out of town to visit her in hospital.
I've known him (and her) for over a decade, so it was a really big shock when he told me she had died.
But i wasn't prepared for the shock i got when i spoke to him today, and found out that her death is being investigated as a homicide.
I'm pretty torn up about it - i just want to give him a hug, because he's lost someone so special to him in the most horrendous circumstances; allegedly murdered by her 'new boyfriend'.
I've been thinking a lot about how i can help my friend through this rough time, and concluded that the most powerful thing i can offer him is the strength of our musical connection, and its ability to heal and cope with pain.
He is one of the most creatively expressive songwriters I've ever worked with, and i know that if i just help keep us playing the way we have been all year (we started playing together again in a new band after 7 or 8 years since the previous one) it will both help him cope with the trauma and grief of his loss and create some really fertile ground for great musical seeds to be sewn.
Still, i'm in shock at finding that out this afternoon. Worst news imaginable.
LSDMDMA&
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2010
- Messages
- 12,829
super sharp shooter is a banger but imo it isnt hype's best work.
this is more my liking
or this
this is more my liking
or this
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Wow, that's horrific...
Fuck man, that made ME feel a little shaken, I can't imagine how it is for you, or him.
LSDMDMA&
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2010
- Messages
- 12,829
new avatar/location feels
i cant find a good kurupt logo but this is as good as i'm gonna be able to do.
either way.
i'm tryin to trip at some point here soon.
is there a PD garage massive?
or is it just me
https://www.mixcloud.com/rhybooze/serious-danger-ministry-presents-speed-garage/
i cant find a good kurupt logo but this is as good as i'm gonna be able to do.
either way.
i'm tryin to trip at some point here soon.
is there a PD garage massive?
or is it just me
https://www.mixcloud.com/rhybooze/serious-danger-ministry-presents-speed-garage/
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Kittycat5
Bluelighter
It is peculiar that you posted this as I just experienced a very similar thing on my last trip (also 2 hits of acid, maybe we got the same stuff
). I wasnt so concerned with the crying as it was brief and quite cathartic as well, but the occurances and subsequent emotions that made me worry. I posted earlier about how everyone finds a trip profound and this was one of the things I was talking about. The first 3/4 of the trip was stunning in every way. Utter relaxation, total peace of mind, gorgeous visuals and thoughts. But towards the end, the woman I love starting nagging me about something. She wanted me to text a friend for something but I said no, it is too late. She kept asking me and proceeded to either slap my pillow or my arm or head to get my attention. I kept asking her to stop, then yelling at her to stop, then begging her on the soul of my dead grandmother to stop, but she continued. Finally, exasperated, I told her if you love me you will cease asking me the same question and slapping me. But sure enough, about 2 minutes later, she did it again. I then welled up with as much emotion as I remember feeling in a long time. The thought that kept going through my head is that she really doesnt love me and her actions in response to my statements were much worse than anything I have ever done. She often says my inaction or lack of emotion is an issue, but in my head, her continuing to act out after I said to stop if you love me was an far greater affirmation at a much more basic level of her lack of love towards me than her complaints about me.
I really want to talk with her about this but am a bit afraid of the consequences of this conversation. Right now, I am of the opinion these feelings and thoughts are phony but not 100% sure.
There is more to the story, which I may add to later, but do you think I am overreacting or are my concerns valid?
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
^^ My ex was like that in a way... she would be really mean to me and when I'd ask her why she said it was because I was being mean to her because of my lack of emotion or some other thing that I didn't direct towards her but was my own thing I was dealing with, but the only reason I felt a lack of emotion was because I was traumatized by her meanness in the first place and I was shutting down (she was truly emotionally abusive and manipulative so I'm not saying this is the same situation). What you described sounds like a little thing but if it's indicative of the way she treats you then it might not be so little. In my mind it's about mutual respect. If you ask something of your partner and they express that they don't want to do it, you should respect that and not try to force something. If a person continues to push despite receiving feedback that it's causing distress, they're being selfish. I'm sure there are exceptions to that, but in general I feel it's true.
It sounds like your concerns are valid to me. Of course that doesn't mean you are in the right and she is in the wrong, you're better than her, or have reason to be anything but loving towards her though. One of my favorite teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh is that if you are acting out of and treating another with True Love, you will not share and give that love if it causes suffering. In your interaction with your lady friend, she was not being loving. She was even knowingly creating suffering. That would say to me that she does not truly love you, in the deepest and most true sense of the word. What that means to you is your choice, and what that leads to is also your decision.
Kittycat5
Bluelighter
Yes psy997, that is exactly what worries me. Thank you for articulating my sentiments much better than I did. I never heard of Thich Nhat Hanh but am intrigued now. I do believe she loves me at a level, but it felt to me the very foundation of love was something she has either lost or never had for me. Quite taxing on my mind.
Xorkoth, your words are quite apt in describing our relationship, especially recently. I tend to withdraw more when she treats me like garbage, which in turn makes her treat me worse. I am no saint myself, but she is all emotion and very little logic, so even when I exhibit normal emotional response, it never is enough. I would not however characterize her as manipulative.
Thanks guys. I will add more to this as I feel I can adequately express it.
Xorkoth, your words are quite apt in describing our relationship, especially recently. I tend to withdraw more when she treats me like garbage, which in turn makes her treat me worse. I am no saint myself, but she is all emotion and very little logic, so even when I exhibit normal emotional response, it never is enough. I would not however characterize her as manipulative.
Thanks guys. I will add more to this as I feel I can adequately express it.
vortech
Bluelighter
This is the same conclusion I have come to in my book, can't wait for you to check it out Xorkoth! Basically done, just proofreading and waiting for feedback from a few other enthusiasts.
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