Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
We just played our first show in quite a while last night, it was so much fun. 
It went really well, people were really into it, dancing, cheering, etc. Someone took the time to post on our Facebook page how he thought we were awesome and we made his night.
I read this as "how old are you, 240?"
I was like, that's probably a bit high...
Yeah I think you're right about this. I thought I had found my life partner when I was 18, we lasted until we were 30, of course as you all undoubtedly know the situation was complex and turned incredibly bad. For the last few years I fully knew she wasn't the one, I just felt trapped (and we got married at 25 so there is this additional feeling that you need to make it work). But for the first 5+ years, I really thought I had it. However, looking back I always had doubts. There were always things that were wrong, and I rarely felt 100% about it, or truly at ease. My girl now is so different, every part of me is satisfied and contented and sure of her being great for me. The thing about long-term relationships is that the little things build and build, unless you can resolve them. After years and years, any little thing that is a wedge will become a big obstacle and source of resentment. Additionally, the longer you stay with someone the more attached you get to them, and the harder it is to be able to let go. Not saying this stuff is true of your relationship by the way 240sx, just some thoughts from my experiences.
Regarding jealousy... as I've gotten older I've found I experience it less. I remember when me and my ex got together, any time I'd hear any reference to hookups she did before me, or her ex-boyfriend, it would make me feel crazy, and it was hard to deal with. With my girlfriend now, about half her close friends and guys. She's traveled a lot and lived in a lot of places, and has friends all over the country. I remember when her ex-boyfriend (of 5 years, though they broke up 5 years ago, but they're really close friends still) was coming to visit and stay at her house for 10 days, those jealous feelings stirred up again, which surprised me, and it was pretty hard to deal with. I just took deep breaths and told myself that those feelings were not fair and were mine to deal with (which is true), and I should reserve judgment for when I meet him and see how their dynamic is. Well, he came, and we (the 3 of us) hung out a lot, most days. I realized I had absolutely nothing to fear, they're close and have a lot of inside jokes/stories, but there was no romantic/sexual feeling between them at all, and she didn't change the way she acted with me whatsoever. He was really respectful of our space when required (we went camping for example and he set up his tent quite a ways away to give us privacy at night), and he and I hung out just the two of us a few times and he was awesome. She cried after he left because she knew she wouldn't see him again for a year and she generally misses having him in her life, but the situation stopped feeling the least bit threatening. Since then, there's been one other time where she went to see a male friend by herself and stayed at his house. She had been meaning to go to Atlanta to visit him because he moved there recently, and my roommate needed a ride to the Atlanta airport, so she went and used that time to see her friend for 2 days. Since I trust her completely, and because of seeing it with the guy she's actually closest with besides me, it was a non-issue.
I'd say, reserve judgment until you actually see some evidence that you have something to worry about. See if she wants to hang out with the 3 of you sometime. If she seems weird about it and refuses, then that would be troublesome, IMO. I mean if she only goes to hang out with him once then that's fine, like maybe she'll go, and feel uncomfortable because he tries to make a move, and then she stops hanging out with him. That would be fine, then he's not an issue. Or maybe she'll hang out with him at the movie and want to be friends, and want the 3 of you to be friends. if she wants that, that's a really good sign. Like, my girl's ex-boyfriend, she really wanted the 3 of us to be friends, and now we are. But if she had insisted on just hanging out with him the whole time, I would have felt a lot differently about it.
Also, this. I think sometimes people find someone to actually be happy with the rest of their lives, but sometimes that's unrealistic. In any case, thinking about it like that puts a lot of pressure on your relationships. I have resolved to stop thinking like that. I do HOPE my current girlfriend and I never break up, and I don't see any reason yet why we would. But, if at some point it becomes something that brings me stress all the time, or I stop being happy, I will certainly move on, because we all deserve to be happy. No sense sacrificing that to stay with someone because you've decided you need to or should.
Again, not directing this at you specifically 240sx, or saying this is the case for you. Just some assorted thoughts on the topic for anyone who's reading this.
It went really well, people were really into it, dancing, cheering, etc. Someone took the time to post on our Facebook page how he thought we were awesome and we made his night.I read this as "how old are you, 240?"
I was like, that's probably a bit high...
pharmakos said:
Yeah I think you're right about this. I thought I had found my life partner when I was 18, we lasted until we were 30, of course as you all undoubtedly know the situation was complex and turned incredibly bad. For the last few years I fully knew she wasn't the one, I just felt trapped (and we got married at 25 so there is this additional feeling that you need to make it work). But for the first 5+ years, I really thought I had it. However, looking back I always had doubts. There were always things that were wrong, and I rarely felt 100% about it, or truly at ease. My girl now is so different, every part of me is satisfied and contented and sure of her being great for me. The thing about long-term relationships is that the little things build and build, unless you can resolve them. After years and years, any little thing that is a wedge will become a big obstacle and source of resentment. Additionally, the longer you stay with someone the more attached you get to them, and the harder it is to be able to let go. Not saying this stuff is true of your relationship by the way 240sx, just some thoughts from my experiences.
Regarding jealousy... as I've gotten older I've found I experience it less. I remember when me and my ex got together, any time I'd hear any reference to hookups she did before me, or her ex-boyfriend, it would make me feel crazy, and it was hard to deal with. With my girlfriend now, about half her close friends and guys. She's traveled a lot and lived in a lot of places, and has friends all over the country. I remember when her ex-boyfriend (of 5 years, though they broke up 5 years ago, but they're really close friends still) was coming to visit and stay at her house for 10 days, those jealous feelings stirred up again, which surprised me, and it was pretty hard to deal with. I just took deep breaths and told myself that those feelings were not fair and were mine to deal with (which is true), and I should reserve judgment for when I meet him and see how their dynamic is. Well, he came, and we (the 3 of us) hung out a lot, most days. I realized I had absolutely nothing to fear, they're close and have a lot of inside jokes/stories, but there was no romantic/sexual feeling between them at all, and she didn't change the way she acted with me whatsoever. He was really respectful of our space when required (we went camping for example and he set up his tent quite a ways away to give us privacy at night), and he and I hung out just the two of us a few times and he was awesome. She cried after he left because she knew she wouldn't see him again for a year and she generally misses having him in her life, but the situation stopped feeling the least bit threatening. Since then, there's been one other time where she went to see a male friend by herself and stayed at his house. She had been meaning to go to Atlanta to visit him because he moved there recently, and my roommate needed a ride to the Atlanta airport, so she went and used that time to see her friend for 2 days. Since I trust her completely, and because of seeing it with the guy she's actually closest with besides me, it was a non-issue.
I'd say, reserve judgment until you actually see some evidence that you have something to worry about. See if she wants to hang out with the 3 of you sometime. If she seems weird about it and refuses, then that would be troublesome, IMO. I mean if she only goes to hang out with him once then that's fine, like maybe she'll go, and feel uncomfortable because he tries to make a move, and then she stops hanging out with him. That would be fine, then he's not an issue. Or maybe she'll hang out with him at the movie and want to be friends, and want the 3 of you to be friends. if she wants that, that's a really good sign. Like, my girl's ex-boyfriend, she really wanted the 3 of us to be friends, and now we are. But if she had insisted on just hanging out with him the whole time, I would have felt a lot differently about it.
spacejunk said:
Also, this. I think sometimes people find someone to actually be happy with the rest of their lives, but sometimes that's unrealistic. In any case, thinking about it like that puts a lot of pressure on your relationships. I have resolved to stop thinking like that. I do HOPE my current girlfriend and I never break up, and I don't see any reason yet why we would. But, if at some point it becomes something that brings me stress all the time, or I stop being happy, I will certainly move on, because we all deserve to be happy. No sense sacrificing that to stay with someone because you've decided you need to or should.
Again, not directing this at you specifically 240sx, or saying this is the case for you. Just some assorted thoughts on the topic for anyone who's reading this.
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