I took some 2C-C today. Just wanted to share some thoughts because I like to do that and it's bursting inside of me.
I'm completely suffused with love right now. The woman I love is asleep upstairs. I fucking love her so much, she's perfect. And I don't mean, like, yeah she's perfect, looks perfect, acts perfect. I mean, perfect for me. Every single thing about this works. I like everything about her, and about her way, and about our way together. We just laid in bed talking about how crazy it is that this even exists. Like, how can we get along so well? How can it be so perfect? Every time I look at her she's the best thing I've ever seen. I catch her looking at me sometimes and the love I see in her eyes and her face is breathtaking. I admire her so much, the way she is wounded inside but she doesn't let it destroy her. Nope, she's sweet and silly and absolutely unwaveringly kind and considerate and rational. I can't imagine getting along with someone better. It's almost unbelievable, we said to each other... who doesn't even come close to getting in a fight in going on 3 years? I've never even felt frustrated with her beyond a minor thing in the moment here and there, and vice versa, but we just say it and I know for me, I respect her so much that if she tells me something I'm doing, my only instinct is to respond with understanding. I've never felt wronged by her even in a small way, and she has never felt wronged by me either. I've never felt so respected by anyone. I have only been in 3 relationships in my life and one of them was in high school, but I am certain that what I have is really special, and I appreciate it so. fucking. much. This is the way I always feel, I've thought about this before. 2C-C is definitely making me feel it extra hard though and maybe get really mushy about it. I'm so high right now, on love. I really didn't think it was possible to have this profoundly beautiful thing with someone, so pure, so unblemished by anything hurtful. I knew I would find love again, but I didn't think this thing was possible, it was just a dream. Every single thing has been good, and getting better and better. I think back to my last relationship and I realize so starkly the difference between that and this. The other was a sick thing, twisted by fear and resentment, a grotesque sort of Stockholm syndrome going on in my head. I hated her and loved her at the same time, it was profoundly unhealthy even though in the good times I felt love, and at the time I thought it was profound. And I suppose it was. But this... this is love, a deep and peaceful love borne from mutual respect and admiration, and an accumulation of shared experiences and increased closeness. I don't need to try anyone else, I know that this here, this is
it.
I'm reeling a little, I needed to communicate that externally in some way, sorry for being fully sappy but damn if I don't feel like the luckiest person on Earth.
